Hello

I am writing this on the evening of 21 June, where up here we have 18 hours and 4 minutes of daylight today - quite a change from 6 months ago when we had a mere 6 hours and 33 minutes of daylight. A lot can change in a surprisingly short time. And the interesting thing is, we don't even notice the change from day to day…

Anyway. What have you been up to since we last spoke? hit reply and let me know.

Here's a quick update on what I've been up to and got coming up, starting with a nice big milestone to celebrate.

10 Years As A Business

Yes, it's true. 25th of June 2025 is the 10th anniversary of me starting Keith Blakemore-Noble Ltd! Of course, it wasn't called that at the time. And it wasn't my first foray into business. And I've been coaching for 15 years. But even so, 10 years of KBN Ltd is certainly worth pausing for a moment to celebrate and reflect.

I've reflected upon it all in a blog and also in a KBNRS podcast episode, if you feel inclined to join me in reminiscing and looking back over what was and peaking at what will be.

I'm curious, how did we meet, and what's the stand-out moment for you from the past 10 years (doesn't have to be connected with what I do)?

The Overachievers Club

This is the biggie!

I've been running a small online community for the past year or so, and now it's time to build upon everything I've learned from running that, transforming it into something even more powerful, and really opening it up to help as many people as possible.

May I present to you The Overachievers Club!

The Overachievers Club is your space to grow, recharge, and thrive, without the burnout.
It’s a supportive personal development community designed for ambitious minds, with multiple membership levels (starting at £25 per month) to suit every pace and preference.

Inside, you’ll find mindset coaching, practical tools, monthly growth themes, accountability, community support, and even optional 1-2-1 coaching, all designed to help you overachieve without overdoing it.

Curious to learn more? Have a look at the website - and be sure to take the short, fun quiz to find out what kind of overachiever you are! (You'll get feedback, suggestions for growth, and free Sneak Peek membership of the Club too).

(And, because it's KBN Ltd's 10th anniversary, anyone who upgrades to a paid membership level before end of 1 July received an automatic 10% discount for the life of their subscription - bonus!)

Online Events

I still run or co-run regular online networking events every month, click on the two below to find out more, as well as other events from time to time - you can see what I've got coming up at https://keithblakemorenoble.com/events/ - be lovely to see you at something maybe soon?

(For these two meetings, if you fancy checking the network out and you've not been to a 4N meeting in the last 6 months or more, hit reply and let me know and I can get you in for a free visit as my guest if you like)

Podcast

Series 6 of The Keith Blakemore-Noble Radio Show is underway with 11 episodes out already (and a new one each Saturday - seems many prefer it coming out on Saturdays, and who am I do disagree with my listeners' preference?).

5 Minute Meditations with Keith Blakemore-Noble will be back with more meditations very soon (there's already over 100 for you to enjoy at the moment.)  I was planning to be back in the studio recording more this month, but preparing for the 10th anniversary and building everything for the launch of The Overachievers Club took a little more time than anticipated, so realistically watch for new episodes from August.

Oh, and finally, I've given the front of the website a digital glow-up - completely overhauled it, made sure it is fully responsive (i.e. made sure it works beautifully on desktop, laptop, tablet, and phone), and made sure it loads quickly (because nobody has time to wait for slow-loading sites these days). Check it out at KeithBlakemoreNoble.com/

That's it for now, let me know what you think, let me know what you've been up to, and share something you can celebrate from the past month - I especially love reading those!

Until next time,

Keith Blakemore-Noble

PS If you would like to receive monthly updates, please subscribe to the newsletter by filling out this form.

Celebrating 10 Years in Business.

Keith Blakemore-Noble Ltd: A Decade of Empowerment, Growth, and Connection

This month marks a special milestone for me, as Keith Blakemore-Noble Ltd celebrates its 10th anniversary. As I sit down to reflect write this, I can hardly believe it’s been a decade already. What a journey it’s been!

From IT Specialist to Mindset Coach

For those who haven’t heard my story, my roots are in IT. I spent 20 years working in the world of computers, rising to the level of Fellow of the British Computer Society and ultimately with a team working for me across three continents. Yet, there was always another side to me, one marked by crippling shyness and social anxiety. Until one day when enough was enough, after one panic attack too many. I dived into learning NLP and hypnosis as a way to fix myself, and in doing so I discovered a calling in helping others achieve profound mindset shifts.

After leaving the security of my IT job (thanks to a rather direct nudge out the door in the form of redundancy and a proverbial wheelbarrow full of cash), I transitioned into coaching. Please trust me when I say: building a business from scratch is both exhilarating and scary. The learning curves are steep, but so are the rewards!

The Early Days: Experimenting, Learning, and Evolving

My first business, Be Your Change Limited, was born in July 2011. Like so many fresh businesses, I found the start challenging. Endless networking, hustling, and figuring things out as I went. An exciting twist came when I was invited to Bali to help set up an international training operation. I sold my house, embraced the adventure, and for 18 months, I travelled and worked across Asia. During that time I wound up my original business, mainly because it wasn't really doing anything at the time so it made sense.

By 2015, after a stint stateside, I returned back home to Scotland and got back into full time coaching, setting up my current company on 25 June 2015. At the time I called it Be Your Change because why not, as it was good enough first time round.

However, over the course of a few years I realised that it was time to focus, rebrand, and truly consolidate all I was doing under one clear banner. “Be Your Change” had served its purpose, but as my work expanded - coaching, writing, hypnotainment, speaking -I needed a brand that reflected, well, me. Looking for inspiration among the greats (think Derren Brown Limited, Paul Daniels Limited, Anthony Robbins Companies), the path was clear: Keith Blakemore-Noble Limited was born, and I renamed my business accordingly on 11 December 2018.

Key Lessons From the Decade

These 10 years have taught me several key lessons:

• It’s Harder Than You Think: Setting up and building a business takes longer than you think and costs more that you think, but the rewards are far greater than you can imagine.
• Never Stop Adapting: From taking part-time jobs at McDonald's during a lean period of business (successful business owners are the ones who will do whatever it takes to keep things running, after all) to launching online programs, adaptability has been vital.
• Community is Everything: Networking (especially with 4Networking), collaborating with mentors and colleagues, and building lasting relationships remains at the heart of my business.
• Brand Evolution Matters: From The Confidence Alchemist to The Fear Strategist to The Overachievers Club, every evolution has been about meeting people where they are and providing what they truly need.

Milestones to Remember

• International Adventures: Building an overseas training company, living in Bali, and working throughout Asia.
• Books and Speaking: Publishing six books, including “The Masks We Wear” (a lockdown project inspired by feedback from my network) and “AntiManipulation.”
• Online Transformation: Early adoption of remote coaching and membership models (Mindset Mastery Movement, which has since evolved into The Overachievers Club), which opened doors to clients worldwide and proved invaluable during lockdown.
• Community Building: From helping 4Networking migrate online to establishing supportive circles like the Overachievers Club, building community remains one of the greatest joys.

What’s Next?

As we celebrate 10 years, I’m thrilled to be launching The Overachievers Club, a new online community designed to support high-achievers in mastering mindset, overcoming blocks, and building lasting success. I’m also planning to bring back live events, maybe even return to training others in NLP, hypnosis, and coaching.

And yes, the bow tie and three-piece suit, the unmistakable Keith Blakemore-Noble brand, will be making a comeback!

A Huge Thank You

To everyone who’s been part of this journey, be you clients, colleagues, mentors, friends, and listeners, thank you. You’ve made these years meaningful in ways I could never have imagined. If we’ve connected before, I’d love to hear your stories! If we haven’t, there’s always room in this ever-growing community.

Here’s to the next 10 years and beyond, helping countless more people to take back control of their lives and to unleash their brains' true potential.

Podcast Episode

I've also recorded a special episode of The Keith Blakemore-Noble Radio Show going into a little more detail. Either listen to it here, or go to its own page for full shownotes and transcription and more.

Hello

Welcome to May - is it too early to ask "Where is the year going" yet?

Hopefully you are enjoying the nicer weather and longer days - up here it's starting to get light by just after 5am, and not getting dark until nearly 10pm, which is lovely!

What have you been up to since we last spoke? Do hit reply and let me know.

Here's a quick update on what I've been u[ to and got coming up (and I promise to do a better job of sending these once a month from now on!)

Growth Mindset

This month in my member's community we are looking at Growth Mindset, with 8 modules exploring all aspects of it and helping us to develop and refine our own.

For a quick (2½ minutes) video overview of what we're going to be looking at, click  the image above (or go to https://youtu.be/eX5c8XRIv0Y).

If that sounds interesting, you an find out more about the Movement and even join (from £20 a month) via https://KeithBN.link/MMM or just hit reply and ask me for more details, I'll be happy to answer any questions you have about it.

Mindset Mastery Hour - Mastering Productivity and Balance

For March's Mindset Mastery Hour, run in conjunction with 4Networking, we are going to take a look at Wealth Beyond Finances.

How can you strike a balance between productivity and self-care, while developing personal growth?

Join me at noon on May 6th for this one hour interactive exploration (on Zoom) of the essential relationship between productivity and self-care. We'll take a journey through some strategies and exercises to help you manage your time effectively and to prioritise self-care without compromising productivity.

Find out more and buy your ticket here.

Other Events

I also run or co-run regular online networking events every month, click on the two below to find out more, as well as other events from time to time - you can see what I've got coming up at https://keithblakemorenoble.com/events/ - be lovely to see you at something maybe soon?

(For these two meetings, if you fancy checking the network out and you've not been to a 4N meeting in the last 6 months or more, hit reply and let me know and I can get you in for a free visit as my guest if you like)

Podcast

Series 6 of The Keith Blakemore-Noble Radio Show is underway with 5 episodes out already (and a new one each Friday).

Click on any of the images to check out the episode, or catch them all on your favourite podcast platform.

Not only that, 5 Minute Meditations with Keith Blakemore-Noble will be back with more meditations very soon (there's already over 100 for you to enjoy at the moment, I'm back in the studio recording more later this moth, and they'll be out every Monday as before).

Something Special Next Month…

Saving the most exciting bit until last…

Next month, Keith Blakemore-Noble Ltd celebrates its 10th birthday!

Obviously I've got something special in mind to help celebrate it, watch for more news in next month's newsletter,I hope you'll be able to join me in celebrating 10 years in business - which does pose the question of how woud YOU celebrate if it were your business? Or perhaps you already have celebrated such a milestone (congratulations), in which case what did you do? Hit reply and let me know!

That's it for now, let me know what you think, let me know what you've been up to, and share something you can celebrate from the past month - I especially love reading those!

Until next time,

Keith Blakemore-Noble

PS If you would like to receive monthly updates, please subscribe to the newsletter by filling out this form.

The Fallacy

"Eat the frog first", we are told.

"It'll make you more productive", they say.

They are wrong.

Do What To The Frog?

If you've not come across the expression before, "Eat the frog first" comes from a quote from US author Mark Twain -

“Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.”

Mark Twain

(An alternative version of the quote says "If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.")

The idea is that if you have a big or deeply unpleasant task to complete (such as eating a frog), you do that one first so that you get it out of the way, and whatever else the day brings, it won't be any worse!

What's The Problem?

Now, there absolutely is logic to eating that frog sooner rather than later, of course. I'm not going to disagree. Obviously if you keep delaying and delaying eating that frog, doing whatever else you can find instead to keep procrastinating, it'll eventually be too late to eat the frog - which, if it's a task you need to do, is a bit of an issue.

The problem is not with eating the frog.

The problem is when you attempt to eat the frog FIRST, before doing anything else.

You see, the reason we are told to eat the frog first is to attempt to overcome procrastinating about it, to avoid doing lots of other smaller things instead, putting it off until it's too late.

However, eating that frog is such an unpleasant task that we often find it easy to keep putting it off and to find ways to not quite get round to starting it - after all, if it were otherwise then we'd have eaten it already.

So we have a deeply unpleasant task which we can't face and which we keep putting off - and yet somehow jumping into that task, cold, first thing in the morning is supposed to magically make it much easier and beat procrastination?

Quite the opposite.

I've seen many people who tell themselves that they'll eat the frog as their first task of the working day - and then mysteriously find that they have not quite got round to starting their working day until much later in the day when it's too late anyway, because they found all manner of other tasks to do first, tasks which were absoilutely not part of their working day, honest!

In many ways it is the perfect way to encourage procrastination and to make it even worse.

What Can We Do Instead?

IF we might be permitted to bring in another metaphor to help us out here, think about athletes running a race (or indeed any other sports people doing their sport).

They don't just out of bed, get into their kit, and start their race or game - that way disasterous injury lies.

Instead, they will do a warm-up first, to get the muscles ready for the task ahead and to build up to the challenge.

Just as athletes will warm up before racing, so we can warm up before frog-eating, which is a really powerful way to help us get the frog eaten.

A great way to tackle eating that frog is:

• Pick 2 (no more, no less, to quote a certain film) smaller, more pleasant, tasks to get you started.
• Do the first task, celebrate.
• Do the second task, celebrate.
• Start the third task - before you realise it you are busily eating that frog (which was the third task)!

Why Does This Work?

Why is this approach more likely to help you create success?

There's a few things going on which all help to make it work.

Momentum Builds Momentum

It is harder to start than it is to keep going; once you are underway, continuing is easier as there's less effort required.

So by starting with a couple of easier tasks, we build up a head of steam and we are already moving, already being productive, so that when we hit the third task on our list we are already warmed up and powering ahead. Which makes it much easier to dive into eating the frog as you are already on a roll.

Success Breeds Success

Another very helpful element is the bit so many of us forget to do - celebrating the successful completion of the tasks.

Normally we will often go from task to task to task without giving any thought to the fact that we have achieved things.

When we pause or a moment to round off the completion of a task with a small celebration, we feel good, which makes us feel more positive abut doing the next task; indeed, it can even make us feel a little more eager to start the next task so that we can celebrate that too, as the celebration feels nice.

By the time we've completed two tasks and had a mini celebration, we've got some momentum going AND we're feeling good about doing tasks, so jumping into the third one almost happens without us thinking too much about it - we're already eating the frog before we necessarily notice. And that momentum we built up keeps us powering through.

The Power Of Three

There is something really powerful about three, especially about groups of three. We've touched on it in various other blogs, but deep down in our brains three is a powerful number.

Not from some mystical numismatically-minded perspective, but fundamentally much of it stems from the way in which three of something let's you see patterns, form opinions, and make predictions about the thing.
All of which means we often feel something "complete" about a group of three.

So, we have done two tasks and we sail on into the third due to momentum, due to feeling good about our successes, and due to not wanting to leave it as just two tasks instead of a group of three.

Whereas, if we do three tasks first and then eat the frog? Well, we run the risk that part of our mind will view the group of three as a good excuse to pause, which can lead to loss of momentum, especially when another part of our mind doesn't want to eat the frog anyway and will seize upon any excuse!

Frog-Eating Habit

In short, eating that frog early on in the day is definitely good advice - it stops it from hovering over us throughout the day, and removes its tendency to enable us to procrastinate.

But don't' eat it first - limber up with a couple of smaller, easier, more enjoyable tasks first (remembering to celebrate their completion), and soon enough you will find that you eat the frog without really giving it much thought because the habit you build makes it much easier to do.

Coachathon - One Day To Change Lives

On Wednesday, 9th October 2024, I had the honour of taking part in this year's Coachathon, a one-day coaching fundraiser dedicated to raising funds for the Microloan Foundation.

The foundation supports women facing poverty in sub-Saharan Africa with mentoring, training and small loans to build their own businesses. With a sustainable income, these inspiring mothers and entrepreneurs can afford nutritious food, healthcare, and education for their families.

Once again this year, coaches from various fields, including myself, came together to offer free coaching sessions in exchange for a minimum £50 donation from participants. The response was incredible, and by the end of the day, we collectively raised an impressive £23,074.

As a result of this, 923 women will have access to a start-up loan and business training, and 3,692 children will have increased access to food, healthcare, and education.

My Part In All This

I was offering 45 minute coaching sessions to help people with Public Speaking. It’s an area where I’ve built over a decade of experience as an award-winning international public speaker. Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of training countless speakers around the world, helping them find their voice and communicate with confidence. So, it was a natural choice for me to focus on that for this event.

Throughout the day, I worked with individuals who were looking to sharpen their public speaking skills - whether it was overcoming nerves, creating a powerful message, or learning how to engage an audience effectively. I always love those "aha" moments when a person realises they’re capable of more than they thought. It was very rewarding to see people finish their sessions with new tools, ready to step into their next speaking opportunity with more confidence and clarity.

This is my third year taking part, it gets better each time, and here's to 2025's Coachathon (I hope they do another one!)

It's Bigger Than This Though...

Of course, the significance of Coachathon goes far beyond these individual sessions. Every conversation, every coaching moment, was part of a larger effort to make a meaningful impact on the lives of women in extreme poverty in Malawi, Zambia, and Zimbabwe. The money we raised will help these women break free from the cycle of poverty by giving them the means to start or grow their businesses, ultimately changing the trajectory of their lives and their communities.

To everyone who participated, thank you. Whether you donated, booked a session, or simply helped spread the word, your contribution mattered. It’s a powerful reminder of how, when we come together, we can create ripples of change that stretch across continents.

Me! A Judge!

I’m thrilled to announce that I have been invited to join the distinguished panel of judges for this year’s Wigan Business Awards! It’s an incredible honour to be part of this prestigious event, celebrating the innovation, resilience, and success of businesses across the North West.

The Wigan Business Awards

Returning after a four-year break, these have always been a beacon of business excellence, and this year is no exception. Organised by Nichola Howard and Jo Leigh of Launch Events North West, the awards will shine a spotlight on the brilliant businesses that have not only survived but thrived despite the challenges of recent years. With the blessing of the Greater Manchester Chamber of Commerce, the event will continue to recognise the best and brightest that Wigan has to offer.

As a judge, I’ll be working alongside an impressive group of over 30 business leaders from the region. Together, we will carefully evaluate the incredible finalists who were shortlisted after a rigorous independent review throughout the summer. These awards have attracted over 500 nominations, a testament to the thriving entrepreneurial spirit in our community, and narrowing it down will be no easy task!

Being asked to contribute to the judging process is a privilege. As a business owner myself, I understand the passion and dedication it takes to build something meaningful. I’ve seen first-hand the impact that supportive networks of like-minded businesspeople can have. It will be inspiring to hear the stories behind these companies and celebrate their achievements on November 8th at The Edge in Wigan.

Nichola Howard, one of the organisers, has emphasised the importance of independent judging, ensuring that the awards are fair and impartial. I’m looking forward to working with my fellow judges to select the winners, and I can’t wait to meet the finalists in person.

These awards are about more than just business success – they’re a celebration of the journey, the challenges overcome, and the passion driving each company forward. It’s going to be a fantastic night, and I’m excited to be part of it!

Find Out More.

For more details about the Wigan Business Awards event, or to secure your tickets, visit Wigan Business Awards.

The Business Success Awards 2024.

The Business Success Recognition Awards Ceremony, now in its third year, once again took place in Birmingham this past weekend, where nearly 200 people gathered together for some amazing entertainment, a sumptuous dinner, and to celebrate all the nominees, runners-up, and well-deserved winners.

The Awards, the brainchild of BSN's Stacey Calder, are designed to shine a spotlight on the outstanding achievements of businesses and individuals within the UK business community. Open to all businesses, regardless of size or stage, its awards are designed to champion SMEs’ success stories from across the country.

I was a finalist for not one but three awards this time round -

• Community of the Year (for the Mindset Mastery Movement)
• Networker of the Year
• Outstanding Contribution to the BSN Community

So How Did I Get On?

I'm delighted to say that, despite some very tough competition from some amazing fellow finalists, I got Runner-Up for Networker Of The Year!

This is actually the second time getting this one, which I feel is pretty awesome.

Living up in the North East of Scotland, I don't get too many opportunities for in-person networking, but for the past 5 years I've been throwing myself into the wonderful world of online networking, even running some regular meetings (check them out here), and getting to connect with people from around thew world. It's a fab thing when you throw yourself into it fully, you never know who you will meet, and I guess this all shows I must be doing some aspects of it right.

Visiting the award ceremony itself was something of a marathon trek - around 20 hours of train travel there and back again, but it was worth it to catch up with so many people who I know well but had never previously met in person.

By my reckoning, that brings me to being runner-up in 4 awards and outright winner in 6 awards so far, which is nice.

Are you ready to embark on a transformative journey that will unlock the power of your mindset? Introducing to the Mindset Mastery Mini-Break, a free 5-day online event designed to help you explore and enhance different aspects of your mindset in just 15-30 minutes a day. This unique opportunity, guided by Keith Blakemore-Noble aka The Mindset Master himself, offers daily exercises, reflections, and community support to kickstart your personal growth journey.

What to Expect

Each day of the Mindset Mastery Mini-Break is crafted to deepen your understanding of your mindset through exploration, guided exercises, and personal reflection. The event is structured to be accessible and impactful, requiring just a small commitment of your time each day.

• Daily Exploration: Each day we explore a new topic. These are designed to provide you with valuable insights and practical techniques to reframe your thoughts and perceptions.
• Guided Exercises and Reflections: Accompanying each daily post is a worksheet with questions to guide your exploration and space to record your discoveries. These exercises are crucial in helping you to internalize the day's lessons and make meaningful breakthroughs.
• Community Support: The event takes place within a private community on the Mindset Mastery website. Here, you can share your questions, observations, and learnings with fellow participants. This supportive environment fosters growth and encourages mutual learning.

How It Works

The Mindset Mastery Mini-Break is designed to be simple yet effective. Each day, your guide Keith Blakemore-Noble will introduce the day's topic and set you on a path of self-discovery. The structure of the event ensures that you can easily fit it into your daily routine, making it an ideal opportunity for those with busy schedules.

• Daily Videos/Texts: At 8 am, you will receive a new post covering the topic of the day. These posts are available in both text and video formats, allowing you to choose the format that best suits your way of learning. The content should take approximately 5 minutes to watch or read.
• Worksheets: To help you focus on the key points, each post is accompanied by a worksheet. This worksheet includes questions that guide your mindset exploration and space for you to record your insights and reflections.
• Daily Review: At 4:30 pm each day, a review session will be conducted. These 10-15 minute sessions provide an opportunity to reflect on the day's discoveries, address key questions, and place your learnings into a broader mindset context.

Real Results

By fully engaging with the Mindset Mastery Mini-Break, you can expect to see real results. The program is designed to help you uncover hidden patterns, challenge limiting beliefs, and learn powerful techniques to transform your mindset. Past participants have reported significant personal growth and breakthroughs, thanks to the structured yet flexible nature of the event.

Testimonials from Past Participants

Participants from previous sessions have shared their transformative experiences:

• "I have enjoyed every single minute of it - get yourself onto it because Keith is absolutely amazing." - Caroline Jane Andrew, Owner of 4Networking
• "Keith really made me think about my own situation, helping me to see a way forward - I now have a much more positive outlook!" - Becca Innes, Designer
• "Keith's Mini Break managed to drag a total cynic kicking and screaming into a week-long look at his inner mindset... and succeeded where others have failed at getting some constructive dialog going within that character!" - Paul Tandy, Self Employed

About Your Guide

Keith Blakemore-Noble, your guide for the Mindset Mastery Mini-Break, is an expert in hypnosis, NLP, and coaching. With over 14 years of experience, Keith has helped thousands of people around the world take back control of their lives and move forward in their personal development journeys. His blend of techniques and approachable teaching style makes him a reassuring and effective guide for anyone looking to transform their mindset.

Join the Mindset Mastery Mini-Break

Take the first step on your journey towards unlocking your full potential by joining the Mindset Mastery Mini-Break. This free event is an investment in yourself, offering you the tools and insights needed to master your mindset. Reserve your spot now and embark on this life-changing journey.

Reserve your free place aboard the Mini-Break right now and start transforming your mindset today!

How has April been panning out for you - do let me know what you've been up to and what's the best thing which has happened this month for you.

Here's a quick recap of what's been going on at the moment in the world of Mindset Mastery. We are talking podcasts, awards, podcast milestones, events, and more...

Latest Podcast Episodes

Podcast Milestones…

Next week, Monday 22nd April, sees the 100th episode of 5 Minute Meditations! It coincides with Earth Day 2024, so do catch a doubly-special Meditation.

Then in June, The Keith Blakemore-Noble Radio Show hits a very special milestone, but more about that nearer the time. For now, let me know what your favourite episode so far was - send me a message and let me know, I'd really love to know!

Some Upcoming Events

Click each for more details, or see all the upcoming events I'm running or involved with right here.

Mindset Mastery Hour - Embracing Change as Growth

April's instalment of this popular hour of online interactive exploration of all things Mindset sees us exploring the topic of Embracing Change as Growth, at noon on Wednesday 24th April.

Join us for this month's interactive session where we aim to redefine wealth, fostering an understanding that transcends finances and cultivates an abundance mindset in all areas of life.

Find out more and buy your ticket here.

Awards

I have reached the finals for not one, not two, but three categories in this year's Business Success Awards -

• Community of the Year (for Mindset Mastery Movement)
• Networker of the Year
• Outstanding Contributor of the Year

The results will be announced at the BSN Awards Ceremony in Birmingham at the end of June - fingers crossed and all that!

That's it for now, let me know what you think, let me know what you've been up to, and share something you can celebrate from the past month - I especially love reading those!

Until next time,

Keith Blakemore-Noble

The imaginatively titled "The Keith Blakemore-Noble Radio Show" launched in June 2019, and since then it's had 87 episodes (so far) and 43 different guests spread over more than 42 hours.

It's grown to be available on Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, Audible, Google Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube and more, and it is also now syndicated to GROW Radio.

There are many more episodes and guests planned for 2023 (we've already started recording), but before we dive in to this year's crop, let's cast a fond eye back over 2022 and see which were the 10 most popular episodes as decided by the listeners.

Have a look at the top ten listed below, give them a listen, and see which ones are your favourites.

Also check out the other episodes in the series, and keep an eye out for new episodes throughout the year, each Friday morning.

The Top 10

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Support The Podcast

It would be wonderful if you felt able to support this podcast in some way. Whether that’s

• By giving a like / comment / share / review
• By buying me a virtual cup of tea
• By becoming a Patreon supporter like Captain Magic Lion, Michael Beeson, Derek Duncan, KT Moran, and others
• By sponsoring it (like Newton's Nuggets and GROW Radio did in 2022)

your support is most gratefully appreciated!

You can check out how, and get involved, by going here.

Be Notified Of All New Episodes

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Also Worth Checking Out...

My "5 Minute Meditation" podcast launched at the start of March 2021 and has so far brought 67 different 5 minute meditations to a growing and appreciative group of listeners.

There are many more meditations planned for 2023, but before we dive in to this year's crop of meditations, let's cast a fond eye back over 2022 and see which were the 10 most popular meditations as decided by the listeners.

Have a look at the top ten listed below, give them a listen, and see which ones are your favourites.

Also check out the other episodes in the series, and keep an eye out for new meditations throughout the year, each Monday morning.

The Top 10

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"It's a great idea for a book Keith, how did you come up with it?" I was asked this morning when I was talking about AntiManipulation to someone.

So I thought I'd share a brief history of how the book came to be a real project with you too, dear reader.

A Long Time Ago...

Like many people, for a very long time I'd been vaguely aware that some industries seemed to have more than their fair hare of "characters" who would use all the tricks in the book to get you to buy from them. Whether that's the stereotypical sleazy used-car dealer, or the over-ambitious wannabe investment broker, or the cliched timeshare salesman.

I was vaguely aware of the concept, and over time I knew that governments had brought in various laws to curb their excesses over the years, but other than that I never thought much about it.

12 Years Ago...

Around 12 years ago I found myself getting more immersed in the personal development industry (initially purely by chance, but that's a story for another time). I studied and trained in NLP, hypnosis, coaching, stage speaking, etc, right the way up to train-the-trainer level (and yes, I've trained a lot of ethical hypnotist, NLPers, and speakers in the years since then)  As I immersed myself deeper and deeper, learning more and more about the business and what goes on behind the scenes in events and in sales and more, I started to develop an unease about what to me felt like some rather manipulative approaches which were used by some throughout the industry.

The deeper I looked, the more I studied, the more uneasy I got, as I realised that there were indeed some incredibly unsavoury and downright nasty approaches being used to "encourage" people to part with often eye-watering sums of money, money they most likely could not afford.

"Someone should write a book exposing that" I thought, whilst deciding there was no way I was going to use such manipulation myself.

Getting Closer...

Over time, I spotted it happening more and more. I became increasingly aware of people actively teaching these approaches to others, encouraging them to use them in events and in their ordinary sales pitches to sucker in those who neither wanted nor afforded what was on offer.

"Someone really should write a book exposing that" I thought again, noticing how they were blatantly abusing some very powerful and useful tools, and in many cases giving things like NLP a bad name in the process.

As I looked around more generally, I began to re-notice similar things happening in a wide range of industries, with some very manipulative marketing approaches being used pretty much everywhere.

I mean, many laugh as they talk about the old "Run to the back of the room" approach, and yet it is still used with devastating effect. Yet when you look more deeply, there's a lot more to it than that. There's the anchoring, the pit of despair, the manipulation of emotions, the manipulative use of language, and a whole lot more, long before any sale is even suggested.

It's insidious, it's nasty, and it's everywhere.

"Hmm. Nobody has written a book exposing this, I suppose I'll have to" I thought.

Testing The Idea...

I discussed the idea with a few trusted confidants, and got an overwhelming "Do it, that will be such a powerful book".

So that's how I came to start writing AntiManipulation.

Slowly at first, gathering, analysing, researching, observing, and piecing together the tools, trick, and techniques which the unscrupulous were using. The more I looked, the more I found. Not just in live events and in sales and in advertising, but in many other aspects of life too.

Which is why the book has taken longer than originally planned - it's such a big topic, it turns out!

But we are getting close to publishing now.

Publication?

The book comes out on 4th March 2023 in paperback and in ebook.

Provided I can raise the funds to cover the professional editing, cover design, and publication costs - to that end I'm running a Crowdfunder this month to help raise funds to help me fund it all. There's some great rewards on offer for those who like the idea and support the book, covering all budgets.

Plus, the Crowdfunder i a great way to do a final check on whether there is an actual market for this book - if the Crowdfunder fails, there's clearly not a market for the book; on the other had if it succeeds, then there is a market and the book will be there to help everyone to spot those times when they are being manipulated, and to better defend themselves against it.

So that's the brief story of how AntiManipulation came to be!

Can you help?

If you like the idea of the book, and would be interested in helping to make sure it gets published (I've published 5 books before, I've got the process refined, and I've got an editor and a designer all lined up ready to go), it would be awesome if you could check out the Crowdfunder and perhaps took part - or shared word of it far and wide to attract others. Thanks!

Let's discuss all things mindset.

From how to change your mindset to how to keep a positive outlook, we'll cover it all.

So pull up a chair, grab a cup of your favourite beverage, and let's get started!

Why is having the right mindset important?

Having the right mindset is important because it allows you to approach situations and challenges in a positive way. If you have a positive mindset, you'll be more likely to see the potential for success in every situation.

A positive mindset also allows you to stay motivated and focused on your goals. This is because you'll believe that it's possible to achieve whatever it is you're working towards. On the other hand, if you have a negative mindset, you'll be more likely to give up when things get tough.

It's important to remember that your mindset is something that you can control. If you find yourself thinking negative thoughts, make an effort to switch them to positive ones. With practice, this will become easier and more natural over time.

What are some common mindset traps?

A fixed mindset is when we believe that our talents and abilities are static. We either have them or we don’t. A growth mindset is when we believe that our talents and abilities can be developed.

Here are some common traps people fall into when it comes to their mindset:

1. The perfection trap: Believing that you have to be perfect in order to be successful.
2. The comparison trap: Constantly comparing yourself to others and feeling like you’re not good enough.
3. The impostor syndrome: Feeling like a fraud or undeserving of your success.
4. The fixed mindset trap: Believing that your talents and abilities are static and you can’t improve them.
5. The negative self-talk trap: Beating yourself up with negative self-talk and not believing in yourself.

How can you tell if you have the right mindset?

The right mindset is essential for success in any area of life. But how can you tell if you have the right mindset? Here are four signs that indicate you have the right mindset for success:

1. You have a growth mindset.
   A growth mindset is the belief that your abilities and intelligence can be developed through hard work, dedication, and practice. People with a growth mindset view challenges as opportunities to learn and grow, instead of threats to their ego.
2. You’re resilient.
   Resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks and keep going even when things are tough. People with a resilient mindset see failures as temporary setbacks, instead of permanent defeats.
3. You’re coachable.
   Coachability is the willingness to listen to feedback and take it on board in order to improve. People who are coachable are always looking for ways to improve themselves and their performance.
4. You’re positive.
   A positive outlook is essential for success in any area of life. People with a positive mindset believe in themselves and their ability to achieve their goals, even when the odds are against them.

How can you develop the right mindset?

The right mindset is essential for achieving success in any area of life. Whether you're looking to improve your personal relationships, your professional career or your overall wellbeing, developing a positive mindset is key.

There are many ways to develop the right mindset, but some of the most effective include:

1. Educating yourself on the power of mindset. Read books, articles or listen to podcasts that discuss the topic. The more you understand the importance of mindset, the easier it will be to change your own.
2. Identifying your limiting beliefs. We all have beliefs that hold us back in life. Once you identify yours, you can start to challenged and change them.
3. Practicing gratitude. Gratitude is one of the quickest and most powerful ways to shift your mindset from negative to positive. Every day, take some time to write down a few things you're grateful for. It could be something as simple as a good cup of coffee or a sunny day.
4. Meditating or practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness meditation can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings, which is essential for changing negative thinking patterns. There are many mindfulness applications and websites available for both beginners and experienced meditators alike, and there's my 5 Minute Meditation podcast for those who want to sample meditation.
5. Work with a coach (not to brag but I have helped countless people to master aspects of their own mindsets over the years)

Why is it important to keep a positive mindset?

It is widely accepted that our mindset has a profound impact on our ability to achieve success. A positive mindset allows us to approach challenges with confidence and a belief that we can overcome them. It enables us to persist in the face of setbacks and to see failure as a learning opportunity. In contrast, a negative mindset can lead us to give up more easily, to see failure as a confirmation of our lack of ability, and to feel overwhelmed by challenges.

There is a growing body of evidence demonstrating the power of mindset in determining success. For example, research has shown that students who believe their intelligence is fixed (a fixed mindset) are more likely than those with a growth mindset (the belief that intelligence can be developed) to give up in the face of difficulties. They are also more likely to avoid challenging tasks altogether, for fear of failing and confirming their beliefs about their own intelligence.

There are many ways in which we can develop a positive Mindset including: practicing self-compassion, setting realistic goals, reframing negative thoughts, and celebrating all successes (however small).

Adopting a positive mindset can not only lead to improved performance and greater success; it can also increase our overall well-being and happiness.

What are some benefits of having a positive mindset?

A positive mindset can have many benefits, including but not limited to the following:

1. It can help you better handle stress and difficult situations.
2. It can improve your physical health.
3. It can increase your resilience in the face of adversity.
4. It can help you achieve your goals.

How can you overcome a negative mindset?

One way to overcome a negative mindset is by using visualisation. Visualisation is a technique where you mentally create a picture of yourself achieving your goal.

This can be done by picturing yourself in the future already having achieved your goal, or by picturing the steps you need to take to achieve your goal. Visualisation works because the unconscious mind doesn't know the difference between imagining something and it really happening. So when you visualise, you effectively trick your brain into thinking that what you're visualising is already happening, which then causes you to take action towards your goal.

What are some ways to stay motivated?

It can be tough to stay motivated, especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed or bogged down by day-to-day tasks. However, there are some things you can do to stay on track and keep moving towards your goals. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Set realistic goals for yourself and break them down into smaller, manageable steps. This will help you avoid getting overwhelmed and increase your sense of accomplishment as you check items off your list.
2. Find a support group or community of like-minded individuals who are working towards similar goals. This can provide accountability and motivation, and hearing about others’ successes can remind you of what’s possible.
3. Create a positive mindset for yourself by focusing on the good, even when things are tough. Write down three things you’re grateful for each day, meditate or practice deep breathing exercises, and celebrate your accomplishments—no matter how small they may seem.
4. Fill your environment with positive reminders of your goals. This could mean hanging up inspirational quotes, keeping a picture of your goal in plain sight, or setting daily or weekly reminders on your phone or computer.
5. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally by making sure to get enough sleep, exercise, and healthy food. When our basic needs are met, we’re better able to focus on higher-level pursuits.
6. Work with a coach for accountability to help keep you accountable, keep you motivated, and help you overcome issues as they arise. Very powerful.

How can you stay focused on your goals?

It can be difficult to stay focused on your goals, especially if you are facing obstacles or set-backs. However, it is important to remember that you can control your thoughts and how you respond to challenging situations. Below are some tips on how to keep your eye on the prize and stay motivated:

1. Set realistic and achievable goals for yourself. This will help you stay on track and avoid getting discouraged.
2. Write down your goals and refer to them often. This will help keep them at the forefront of your mind and remind you of what you are working towards.
3. Break down your goals into smaller, more manageable pieces. This will make them seem less daunting and more achievable. As the old saying goes - "How do you eat an elephant? One mouthful at a time."
4. Create a support network of family and friends who will encourage and motivate you.
5. Reward yourself for making progress towards your goals. This will help keep you motivated and feeling good about yourself, and also helps train your mind to focus on your successes which in turn keeps you focused on your goals so you get more of them!

How can you stay committed to your success?

When you first start learning about success, it’s easy to feel like you need to change everything about yourself. But the truth is, success is all about commitment. If you’re not committed to your goals, you’re not going to achieve them.

There are a few key things you can do to stay committed to your success:

1. Set realistic goals.
2. Make a plan of action.
3. Find a support system.
4. Surround yourself with positive people and things.
5. Stay motivated and focused on your goals.
6. Cut yourself some slack on the times where you don't succeed - nobody succeeds 100% of the time, so don't beat yourself up when you inevitably hit problems. Don't allow them to give you the excuse to turn away from your goals. Instead, use them as an opportunity to learn - learning from our mistakes is one of the most important factors in our ultimate success.

AntiManipulation is all about exposing the tools, trick, and techniques which the unscrupulous use to manipulate us into buying their stuff. The reason for creating this is so that you can be aware of these approaches, so that you can start to spot them when you encounter them, Which means you can protect yourself against them. Which in turn enables you to make an informed decision. So that when you do buy, you are buying because you want to and not because they wanted you to. Putting the purchasing decision back into the consumer's hands - where it belongs! Which all seems pretty reasonable, and hardly something which could be argued against, I'd say. And yet... When I talk about it, I often get comments from some people along the lines of - "Don't put me out of business haha!" "Why are you against sales?"

AntiManipulation is NOT about stopping people from selling or buying!

It is not about attacking advertising, nor marketing. There is nothing wrong with selling per se. Given I will be selling the book upon its launch, to be arguing against selling would be a tad hypocritical! If you have something which can solve someone else's problem, relieve their pain, bring them pleasure, or fill their need, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you offering to sell it to them. After all, if nobody sold anything, how would we be able to buy our weekly groceries. Or let alone our fuel, our means of travel, our entertainment... So no, AntiManipulation is NOT against selling. Rather, it is all about pointing out the nasty manipulative things which some, by no means all, indulge in. It does this so that we can all be more aware of these when it happens to us. So that we can be better able to make truly informed decisions, rather than be manipulated into buying. So, if you are someone who sells for a living (and let's face it, in one way or another we ALL sell), carry on doing what you do. Carry on offering excellent value. Carry on serving those who need what you offer. I am certainly not aiming to "put you out of business" - whether you are a seller or a sales trainer, it's all good! Provided, of course, that you are not one of those unscrupulous ones who use or teach the nasty, underhand, manipulative techniques...On a scale of 0-10, 0 being "not at all" and 10 being "ridiculously easy", how easily do you think you could be manipulated into buying something you didn't actually need? Take a moment to think about it, and see what number you come up with. It's an interesting question, isn't it? Recently I asked the same question across multiple social media platforms to see what people thought. Overwhelmingly the result was that people scored themselves mostly in the 0-2 range, commenting adamantly that if they didn't need something then nobody could make them buy it. They also tended to very strongly express the view that hard-sell would never work on them, and that any attempts to sell them something they didn't need would be met with immediate refusal. Unfortunately, the evidence from the Real World is that most people massively over-estimate their ability to resist! Whilst they generally scored themselves in the 0-2 range, the majority of the public are actually far higher. Sadly, most would be in the 8-10 range.

So why the disparity between how we perceive ourselves and reality?

Need versus Want

The reality is that we don't actually buy things because we need them, we buy because we want them. Of course, we may attempt to justify our decision by looking for proof that we need it. However in the end, the decision to buy is born out of want. We buy because we want The Thing, or more accurately we want the feeling that we think The Thing will get us. Emotion drives our buying decisions, not logic. Want, not need. Desire, not requirement. So, when we think about whether someone could persuade or manipulate us into buying something we didn't need, we think about it logically and we conclude we would not buy something if we didn't need it. Completely forgetting that when we are in the midst of buying, we are being driven by want (emotion) rather than need (logic). During my survey, a small number of people did mention that they could not be manipulated to buy something they didn't need, but if it was something they wanted then they might be much easier prey. Which is an important distinction, and one to which we will return on a moment.

Manipulation

Manipulation is a very emotive word. It has a lot of baggage, and carries a lot of connotations. For many, there is a belief that manipulation only affects the weak-willed. That the stronger-willed, and the more intelligent, can't be manipulated because they are too strong and too clever to fall for it. And very few people would consider themselves to be weak enough of stupid enough to be manipulated, so they believe it can't happen to them. Which in turn creates a false sense of security, which causes us to lower our guard. After all, why be on the lookout for something which isn't going to affect us?

Why Is This A Problem?

We believe that they can't manipulate us, because that only happens to weak-willed individuals. We believe that we only buy what we know we need. So we believe that nobody can persuade us to buy something we don't need. The problem is that all of us can, and often are, manipulated! You see, the unscrupulous know we are not going to buy something we don't think we need, so they don't try to sell us what we don't need. Instead, they are very skilled at gradually building within us a desire, which becomes a want, for what they just happen to be selling. Once they have built up that want, they help us to feel good about buying. They give us a way to rationalise a need for it. Now we are buying something to fulfil a want and a need. How can we fight such a powerful combination? How could we ever doubt that we must buy it?! After all, we want it and we need it. So many of us fall for it because the unscrupulous are very skilled at this form of manipulation, they use multiple layers of it, they identify their targets carefully. And we fall for it because we are not even looking to guard ourselves against it because we don't believe it can happen. Until it's too late and days later we are thinking "Why did I ever buy that?"

AntiManipulation

So what would happen if we were more aware of the possibility that we could be manipulated? What would happen if we were much better informed about the various tricks, tools, and techniques the unscrupulous use? That's the premise behind AntiManipulation, the book I'm currently writing. A book which in some ways I've been creating for over a decade. There's more about it at AntiManipulation.com for those sufficiently curious.The more I talk about my forthcoming book AntiManipulation with people, the more interesting comments and stories and feedback I get - I love it! Many of the questions are about particular manipulative techniques, or asking for advice on how to avoid it, or even asking whether an experience they had included such manipulation. One interesting question I've noticed, however, is to question what the book has to do with my area of expertise. Why did I decide to write this book, what particular experience do I have to make me the one to write it, and is it not all just a big distraction from my normal work of helping people to master their mindset and create their own freedom? In short, what does AntiManipulation have to do with Mindset Mastery? It's a great question. It's one I asked myself back when I first contemplated writing the book. After all, I didn't want it to become a squirrel, a distraction from my core focus. Yes the more I thought about it, the more I realised that AntiManipulation absolutely IS part of my core focus. I have been in the personal development industry for 12 years so far. As with anything, we can use these tools for good, or we can use them for ill. I've seen a lot of great things done to help lots of amazing people to do live incredible lives. On the flip-side I've come across a lot of very manipulative things done by some in their pursuit of ever-greater sales. I've seen them first-hand, experienced them as an attendee, even been taught them at various times. I've always found this feels icky to me, and I've long thought that "somebody" should expose the tools, tricks, and techniques so we can all be better protected. Eventually it dawned on me - instead of waiting for "somebody" to do it, I should do it. After all, having been doing this for 12 years I am well placed to highlight the uses and abuses. Which brings us to the second consideration - the book is a great idea but is it really part of my core focus? Well, everything I do is about helping people to create their freedom by mastering their mindset, by using these tools in an ethical and ecological manner.  Which is ultimately all about helping people to Take Back Control.  The way I see it, the concept behind this book fits this perfectly. It helps people to be free from being manipulated, helping them to be free to make their own decisions and to buy things because they want to, not because others want them to. It helps people to strengthen their own mindset, to become better guarded against others seeking to manipulate and influence them - after all, when someone seeks to manipulate us, it is very rarely for our benefit. It helps people to appreciate that all tools have the ability to be used for good or for ill - it's never the tool, its the intent in the person using it. By helping people to spot where many of these tools are being used for ill, it can give people the confidence to be able to appreciate where the tools are used for good, too. Which has at times made it easier for a person to fully let themselves go in a therapy environment as they have a better understanding of the intent behind the tools. So by writing and publishing AntiManipulation, I can help people to become aware of the ways in which the unscrupulous attempt to manipulate us, I can help people to develop a stronger mindset better-able to ensure they are making the decisions for themselves, and I can help people to have a better appreciation that the tools themselves are neutral, which enables them to be more comfortable about working with coaches and therapists should they need help in improving their mindset and their own lives. Hopefully it will also help to reduce the numbers of people who fall for these manipulative practises. An all-round win, I feel, and looking at it, very much within the ethos of Mindset Mastery after all. Whether it's with Mindset Mastery or with AntiManipulation - isn't it time you took back control?

What Is Buyer's Remorse?

Imagine you have just bought something.

It doesn't matter what, just that you bought it, and you were probably quite excited to buy it - it's just what you were looking for, it's just what you always wanted (without realising it).

Well done, a great purchase!

However...

The next day, or a few days later, you start to think "Why did I buy this?"

The shine has gone off the purchase.

You probably didn't really need it now you come to think about it. Perhaps that money could have been put to better use.

Indeed, a you think more carefully about this purchase, you begin to realise you probably never really even wanted it in the first place, it just seemed like such a great idea at the time.

Sounds familiar?

You've just experienced Buyer's Remorse!

Why do we experience it?

It's all down to our Strategies - those little programs we run in our unconscious mind.

We have strategies for pretty much everything, including strategies to tell us it's time to buy something.

We also have strategies which tell us whether we are satisfied with what we buy.

Usually, those are in congruence with each other - the journey which feeds our buying strategy also satisfies our "Still happy with this purchase" strategy.

However.

What happens if we are somehow manipulated into making the purchase?

I don't mean coerced at gunpoint!

I'm referring to something altogether more subtle yet ultimately just as unpleasant.

You see, there are many different ways of manipulating our decisions, our desires, and our feelings.

And sadly, some less-than-scrupulous individuals or companies know these techniques and employ them very well to manipulate us into buying what we don't actually want.

Fortunately, if you are aware of these techniques, you can arm yourself against them and prevent yourself from falling foul of these tricks.

Which is why I am currently writing a book exposing these tricks and techniques, showing how they work, how they are used, and more importantly showing you how you can protect yourself against them.

Of course, I'm not going to finish it or publish it if there's no interest, so let me know - is this something you think you might find interesting? Is it worth me continuing to write?

Let me know in the comments, or via the Socials.

And meanwhile, just make sure when you buy something, that you are buying it because YOU want to...

Have you ever bought an item of clothing, only to groan when you see the label claims "One size fits all"?

We know that in reality, this means they can only be bothered to make it in one size. A size which sort of fits perhaps most people with varying degrees of success. Although it never quite seems to fit anyone perfectly.

Not only that, there are a lot of people who it just does not fit at all.

Even those for who it sort-of fits, it still looks a bit wrong. It's never quite as comfortable as it ought to be. We quickly realise that they actually mean "One size fits nobody properly!".

The reality is that one size does NOT fit all.

Which is true for clothing, and it is also true for all things in life - whether that's starting or growing a business, losing weight, stopping smoking, conquering a fear, overcoming depression, or any other change you wish to make.

One size does not fit all.

Sadly there are far too many people who will swear blind that they have The One True Way, and that if you follow their steps exactly (and only their steps) you will get whatever results you are seeking.

Which gets very enticing - after all, if Wealthy McEntrepreneur gives you the exact steps they took to be a billionaire, and you follow them, YOU are certain to become a billionaire too, right?

Right?!

Well, no.

Sure,those steps worked for Wealthy McB, at the time they took those steps.

But even if Wealthy McB started from scratch today and followed those exact steps, chances are they'd NOT replicate their success.

 Why?

Well, times are different, situations are different, results will be different.

Throw in to the mix that we are all different, and, well, you get the idea.

We are all different, different people have different needs, different way's of working, and get different results even when doing the same thing.

It's the same with coaching or mindset work too.

Different things will work for different people.

Which is why it is important for any competent expert with whom you work to recognise this and to make sure they tailor the solution to you and your specific situation.

A good expert will take time to work with you up front to fully understand your situation, your needs, the way you work, etc, BEFORE they prescribe The Solution.

For example, when clients consider working with me, before we reach the point of agreeing to work together we will usually have a chat to explore their situation, and see if it is even worth us working together. For example, not everyone feels comfortable with NLP and hypnosis. If they don't, then it's better for them to seek a practitioner who uses different modalities, more closely aligned with their view of the world. We are all different, after all.

Then if we do agree to work together, again there's no scripted step-by-step approach. Everything is tailored to their specific needs and situation.

Which is why we get such great results, quickly.

Beware...

Beware of anyone who takes the easy (for them) route and just dives straight in with "all the answers" without considering your situation. Especially when they use the same approach with everyone.

One size definitely does not fit all!

Expensive Lessons?

How often do we talk about learning expensive lessons?

You know the sort of thing.

• Buying something without properly researching.
• Getting married far too soon.
• Going for the cheapest option rather than the best option.
• Being too quick to trust, only to regret it later.

There are countless examples which we can probably all recall from our own lives, where we did something and it turned out to be a mistake.

Worse, it was a mistake which cost us a lot - whether that was time, money, health, our career, friendship, or something else, the price we paid for that "lesson" turned out to be very high.

We can probably all, if we put our mind to it, think of things which we've called "expensive lessons".

I've heard many people over the years speaking with a sad wistfulness about their own expensive lessons, expressing regret at the cost and wishing that they had learned the lessons sooner for less cost.

That's not the way to think!

"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance."

When label these as "expensive lessons", we focus on the cost, on the hurt and pain and loss.

In so doing, we also, at some deeper level, hold ourselves responsible for the pain, the loss, the hurt.

We blame ourselves for making those mistakes and for not having avoided them.

Which is never a good place in which to place ourselves, and which actually mis-represents what these lessons actually were.

Don't Mourn The Cost, Celebrate The Opportunity!

The important thing is not that the lesson had a cost.

The important thing is that you learned the lesson.

By learning the lesson, you have something to celebrate. Learning should always be celebrated.

By learning the lesson, you have gained something of value - far higher value than the cost the learning incurred.

• Celebrate the learning.
• Celebrate the value.
• Congratulate yourself for having moved forward, having learned, having grown.

Because the alternative isn't that you could have avoided paying the price.
The alternative is that you could have paid the price and not learned the lesson.

Which would be a very expensive thing to have done indeed!

Networking is a very common and popular way for businesses of all sizes to connect, develop relationships, and to grow.

Unfortunately, for a lot of people, the thought of standing up in front of a room full of people - whether colleagues or strangers - can be daunting.

People can find they lack the confidence to stand up and talk about themselves even if it is just for a minute - making the whole networking experience a bit of a nightmare.

Even worse, generally as a member one gets the opportunity to stand up and do a long presentation to the entire room - those 10 - 20 minutes can feel like an eternity.

That was the position in which Andrew found himself.

He joined his local networking group because he wanted to grow his contacts and develop his business. It's just that he found he lacked the confidence to properly do himself and his business justice during the one minute round.

Worse, he had the dreaded 10 minute presentation spot looming.

Recognising that this was not helping him or his profile or his business, Andrew decided to come and see me to get over his public speaking fear once and for all (it helped that at the time we were in the same network meetings - it's almost as if networking works!)

In Andrew's case it was a single fear which was holding him back, namely being scared of speaking in public. Which meant we only needed a single session to go through all the work to help him conquer it fully.

Did it work?

Well, Andrew put it to the test the following week - not only did he have the usual 1 minute to introduce himself, he was also the speaker for that week, having to deliver a 10 minute presentation. The thought of which had really scared him previously.

However, not only did he sail through his intro, he felt completely at ease delivering his 10 minute presentation.

Gone were the only nerves, the old self-doubt, and the old fear.

Instead, just calmness and even enjoying what he was doing.

All of which has made for a long lasting change for Andrew - by eliminating that fear he is better able to connect with his fellow networkers, create a better impression, help them to better understand who and how he can help - all of which increases his referrals and business as a direct result.

Nice one, Andrew!

In His Own Words

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-M7uM8aaxE

Behind me is this building here where I do my one minute presentations for a business networking meeting.

At the start I just couldn't get my words out. I really struggled with the confidence of standing up in front of people and had real anxiety.

However, I worked with Keith just one session and it helped me to be more confident and it really worked.

I now stand up in front of the whole group, which is about 25 people. I did a ten minute presentation and felt completely at ease.

The technique that we went through really helped, and now really it's been a fantastic change for me.

So, yeah, thanks!

If You Want To Make Change

If there’s something holding you back, something you want to change or get rid of once and for all, maybe we should have a chat?

Who knows, maybe soon others will be inspired by reading your story here!

Since 2019 The Keith Blakemore-Noble Radio Show has been helping people to transform their deepest fears into their greatest strengths, and inviting them to consider what their life would look like if… through it’s 56 episodes across 2 series.

Series 3 launches in February 2022, which makes this the perfect time to look back and see what were the 10 most listened espies throughout 2022.

Check the list below, see if your favourite is there, and maybe catch some new favourites.

Remember also to check out all the other episodes in our archives, and stay tuned for Series 3 with even more awesome guests and informative solo episodes…

The Top 10

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4

5

6

7

8

9

10

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Support The Podcast

It would be wonderful if you felt able to support this podcast in some way. Whether that’s

• By giving a like / comment / share / review
• By buying me a virtual cup of tea
• By becoming a Patreon supporter like Captain Magic Lion, Michael Beeson, Derek Duncan, KT Moran, and others
• By sponsoring it (like Newton's Nuggets and GROW Radio did in 2022)

your support is most gratefully appreciated!

You can check out how, and get involved, by going here.

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Also Worth Checking Out...

The “5 Minute Meditation” podcast launched at the start of March 2021 and has so far brought 28 different 5 minute meditations to a growing and appreciative group of listeners.

There are many more meditations planned for 2022, but before we dive in to this year’s crop of meditations, let’s cast a fond eye back over 2021 and see which were the 10 most popular meditations as decided by the listeners.

Have a look at the top ten listed below, give them a listen, and see which ones are your favourites.

Also check out the other episodes in the series, and keep an eye out for new meditations throughout the year, each Monday morning.

The Top 10

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

Subscribe on your Favourite Podcast Platform

Support The Podcast

It would be wonderful if you felt able to support this podcast in some way. Whether that’s

• By giving a like / comment / share / review
• By buying me a virtual cup of tea
• By becoming a Patreon supporter like Captain Magic Lion, Michael Beeson, Derek Duncan, KT Moran, and others
• By sponsoring it

your support is most gratefully appreciated!

You can check out how, and get involved, by going here.

Be Notified Of All New Meditations

5 Minute Meditation podcast subscription

First NameLast NameEmailClick to get each new meditation

Also Worth Checking Out

So many people want to quit smoking because, let’s face it, we all know smoking is bad for us.

So many people want to quit smoking because, let’s face it, we all know smoking is bad for us.

Not only does it cost us a fortune (£3,500 – £7,200 per year for a 20-a-day smoker depending on brand, and rising each year), and not only does it cause bad breath and make our clothes smell, it also causes many health problems.

And it shortens your life-span by 11 minutes per cigarette – for a 20-a-day smoker, that’s dropping your lifespan by around 8 weeks for every year you smoke. Smoke for 7 years, you’ve reduced you’ll likely die 1 year sooner!

And yet, despite knowing it makes sense to become a non-smoker, so many smokers find it difficult to quit smoking for a variety of reasons.

Noel Williams was one such smoker – he’d been smoking for 28 years, but now he was determined to stop, especially when he realised his daughter was now the same age he was when he started, and he certainly didn’t want her to follow in THAT family tradition! It was time for Noel to quit smoking, once and for all.

Noel and I were introduced by a mutual friend Brad Burton (who I’d previously helped stop his nail-biting), and via a Zoom call we explored his reasons for wanting to stop, and his options.

He quickly realised now was the time, and he singed up for the Mindset Mastery - Stop Smoking package – it cost less than he spent in a month on cigarettes, so it would pay for itself in week financially.

Armed with his pre-session worksheet, Noel diligently did everything which was asked, which meant when we can to his first session he was ready. So ready and com mixed was he that he aced that session.

Which meant when we got together for the follow-up the following day, he was already enjoying being a non-smoker, encountering no withdrawal symptoms, and absolutely no desire to smoke ever again.

I caught up with his a couple of weeks later, and he mentioned that the first week had seen some very stressful days, the sort where he’d have been chain-smoking normally – and yet, despite all the pressures and stress life threw at him those days not once did he even get the temptation to smoke!

Our mutual friend Brad caught up with Noel 4 months later, and Noel was delighted to confirm that he was absolutely a non-smoker, having not touched a single cigarette since our first session – saving himself over £2,500 in that time, money which he was wisely saving – his family are in for a very enjoyable Christmas and some great holidays are beckoning in the future. Not to mention the various health benefits, and Noel’s increasing life expectancy now he no longer smokes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xsC6XiXU80

Morning you lot.

So, My name’s Brad, I’m over in Somerset. This is my epic garden and the builders that are here that actually did this – this guy’s Noel, I’m going to chat with him.

Noel, how are you doing?

“Alright, boss”.

So this is Noel, builder to the stars. Noel how long you’ve been smoking.

“I’ve been smoking since 14. I’m now 42″.

So how many years is that?

“A lot!”

So how many cigarettes? How many did you smoke a day roughly?

“20 to 30”.

Wow, amazing. And then you decided that you wanted to stop smoking.

“Yeah, enough is enough. My little daughter was 14, but obviously getting a little bit older and to that age where I started, so I thought, Well, you know, let’s just give it a go”.

So you’re my builder and we’ve been working together – you do an amazing job here – and I said to you You need to speak to this guy called Keith Blakemore-Noble.

Keith helped me to stop biting my nails. I’d been biting my nails for like 35 years or whatever.

And actually, I said, go give him a call. So you ended up speaking to Keith and you did one session.

“It was a couple of sessions. He introduced himself. We had a quick chat. He then gave me some homework as it were, had to do that, and that was quite hard. But then he had another session with us”.

And how long ago was this?

“We had the session, oh, about four months ago”.

So four months, and have you had any fags since that point.

“None.”

Genuinely?

“Not one”.

So you smoked for 40 years or 36 years, and then you’ve got hypnotised over two sessions…
And I assume you’ve saved a lot more money than it cost?

“Between myself and my partner, £150 a week”.

Wow.

“And that’s the good thing is we’ve been saving that. So that’s been going aside into the pot. And yeah, I mean, it’s brilliant”.

So what would you say to someone who’s thinking about stopping smoking and working with Keith?

“If you if you really believe in it, and you want to do it, then speak to Keith, 100%”.

And while we’re at it, if somebody wants to work with you in the southwest on building are you interested? Are you taking any work on?

“Always interested!”

Wonderful. Go via me, you’ve got my details.

Top man, he’s stopped smoking!
Amazing, well done Keith.

If, like Noel was, you are a smoker who is serious about becoming a non-smoker once and for all, then check out the Freedom From Smoking package which Noel used so successfully to quit smoking.

On the other hand, if there’s something else which is holding you back, something you want to change or get rid of once and for all, maybe we should have a chat?

Whatever it is, check out the coaching possibilities, and get in touch for a wee chat to explore how we could work together to help you create the future you want and so richly deserve.

Who knows, maybe soon others will be inspired by reading your story here!

(And if you want to get in touch with Noel to discuss hiring him for some building work, drop me a line and I’ll put you in touch with each other)

The Problem

Alcohol can be an enjoyable substance for many people, when kept under control.

Unfortunately, sometimes it is all too easy for alcohol to start taking over, which leads to many problems. And it can happen to the best of us.

During lockdown, Kate found she was starting to reach for the odd glass of wine a little more often than previously.

Which started becoming more than a glass and happening more often, to the point where she felt it was at risk of becoming a real problem for weight, for skin, and more.

The Solution

So Kate got in touch, we had a good chat about her situation, about what she wanted to achieve and why. For Kate it was not about giving up alcohol completely – she was able to have the occasional G&T or pint and stop after one easily, it was just wine which was the problem. And she agreed that if she never touched a drop of wine again in her life, that would be perfect.

With her aim set, we had a session which I designed specifically for her (as always, every session is customised for the individual client) and during which we have a lot of fun, all done over Zoom.

Since then, Kate has not touched a drop of wine, and she doesn’t miss it – indeed, she can’t stand the thought of having any wine at all!

She certainly doesn’t miss the hangovers the next day either.

She finds she is enjoying going out more as she knows she is always in full control, she enjoys waking nice and fresh the next morning, her skin looks and feels better, she isn’t eating as many snacks, and so she is able to focus on er health and fitness far more.

All in all a fantastic result for Kate, who has shown alcohol very clearly who is the boss.

In Her Own Words

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95HXkuHBXC0

Hi, my name is Kate, and I’m from Warwickshire, and I contacted Keith because I was, I think probably like a lot of people during lockdown and the COVID pandemic reaching for the wine more often than I really should have been to the point where I felt it was becoming a bit of a problem for me and a barrier to my weight loss and health and fitness.

So I got in touch with Keith and we had an initial chat and he said he thought he could help me.

And we followed up with a session which was brilliant, to be honest.

And following that session my desire to drink any sort of white wine has has gone out of the window, much to the surprise of my friends and family, but it’s been so liberating.

To be honest, it’s really freed me up.

I don’t even think about it.

Wine o’clock has definitely gone from my life, and I’ve now got the opportunity to focus on other things like my fitness, eating healthily, not having the munchies, you know, with that dreadful hangover.

So yes, it’s all been wonderful since working with Keith, and I just want to say huge thank you.

If You Want To Make Change

If there’s something holding you back, something you want to change or get rid of once and for all, maybe we should have a chat?

Who knows, maybe soon others will be inspired by reading your story here!

The Problem

Rob wanted to work with me to help him to do something about his anxiety.

He'd had this anxiety to various degrees for far too many years, and when we spoke about it, things had got even worse, to the point where he had to be signed off work because of his anxiety.

He really needed to overcome it, life was just not worth thinking about otherwise.

Anxiety was stopping him from being his true self, it was making him hide away, lose contact with friends, impacting his relationship, and stopping him form being able to work effectively.

The Solution

So we got together over Zoom to map out a Plan. For Rob's situation, a key part was to use my Forward Through Forgiveness process, and we took Rob through some other exercises and processes to really help him completely conquer the old anxiety.

The result?

It's gone!

He is a far happier man, he is back to work and being is full self, he is hanging out with friends again, his colleagues have noticed a significant improvement, and he is loving life again!

A massive transformation, and a complete end to years of anxiety-related problems - all in all a much better life for Rob now.

In His Own Words

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVirSHljjbs

Hi, I’m Rob, I’m 46, I’m from Elgin.

I’ve known Keith for a few years now.

Before I met Keith I suffered really badly with anxiety, to the point where I had to take a month off work recently due to the anxiety.

Keith approached me and spoke to me about “Forward Through Forgiveness”.

I went away, had a think about it, and did the course - I’m a totally different person afterwards!

My self-confidence is unbelievable at this moment in time, I’m not afraid like I used to be, I approach things with an open mind and basically I’m loving life again.

It’s been great, I highly recommend it.

If You Want To Make Change…

If there's something holding you back, something you want to change or get rid of once and for all, maybe we should have a chat?

Who knows, maybe soon others will be inspired by reading your story here!

The Problem

"Keith, I have to speak in front of 600 people - help!"

That was the cry for hep I got from Judi.

Anyone who knows Judi these days will know she is ace at speaking with audiences large and small, but back then, the thought of speaking in front of those 600 people was nerve-racking for her, to say the least.

There were two issues here.

First was that she was speaking in Germany, and would be simultaneously translated into French and German. This meant having to speak a little more slowly than usual. The problem being, when she felt nervous, like most of us Judi would speed up even more - and then get nervous about speaking so far, and speed up again!

The other problem was a touch of good-old Imposter Syndrome - what right did she have to be speaking there? Why was she chosen? All the usual things so many of us feel. She wanted to conquer that Imposter Syndrome, whilst still remaining humble (rather than becoming conceited and big headed as some people sometimes do to overcompensate).

The Solution

So we had a couple of sessions to address both problems. We got together over Zoom, had a lot of fun, and by the end of it Judi was ready to go and deliver her talk.

Which she did very well. She found herself enjoying the experience, and did such a great job that she was asked to do other talks, and, well, she hasn't stopped since!

She is now a very confident and accomplished speaker, very well known and liked in networking circles, and enjoying every minute of it.

In Her Own Words

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CtpjwOPuFEg

I'm Judi otherwise known as Judicorn, and I contacted Keith because I was going to be on stage in front of over 600 people and I was really, really scared about public speaking - for those of you who know me know that I don't actually have a problem at all, but back then I was really worried.

What was happening was I was actually going to Germany and I was being translated into German and French and I had to speak slowly.

Now, what happens with me is when I get excited, I speak really, really fast and I knew everyone wouldn't be able to keep up with me. So with Keith's help, he managed to help me slow down.

Also, I was suffering slightly from imposter syndrome - why was I chosen to be on stage - and he helped me cover that. But one of the things that I really, really wanted was to not suffer from imposter syndrome, but also still have the humility about me, sort of like not think "Ooh my God, I am amazing." but just to think "Actually I'm okay".

And Keith has managed to do that as well

Now, it literally took two sessions with The Amazing Man that is Keith Blakemore-Noble because he knows his stuff.

He is absolutely fabulous.

So if you have problems about speaking in public, please, please speak to him. He knows this stuff. He really helped me loads. And now you can't shut me up - even if you want to.

Thanks Keith!

No, seriously, I said that the other day, I went "He is the man who made the monster from me - hahaha!"

If You Want To Make Change...

If there's something holding you back, something you want to change or get rid of once and for all, maybe we should have a chat?

Who knows, maybe soon others will be inspired by reading your story here!

The Problem

Change doesn't have to take long to happen - indeed, change is fast.

Which is what Nisha discovered when she came to me for some help with her anxiety and self-belief around a block from the past.

Without going into any details, obviously, suffice it to say this was something which had been holding Nisha back for a long time, and the anxiety was developing into a fear - it was time to Do Something.

The Solution

We had a good session over Zoom, and quickly got to the underlying issues, resolved it, and started creating a framework to enable Nisha to create a FAR more positive, optimistic, and happy future for herself and for those whom she was now really excited to be serving.

And it all happened quickly - single session, no nonsense, all done and dusted.

In Her Own Words

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urJG5XOxSe8

"Hi, everyone, my name is Nisha, I've just had a short session with Keith and I'm really grateful for this session. It's definitely something what I ... I knew that there was something that I needed to get off my chest. And it really helped me to bring that forward with Keith.

Yeah, definitely moving forward and actually creating that future.

So I'm really grateful that I've been able to have this space in this time with Keith, and I'm really excited in what I'm going to be able to create and who I'm going to be serving.

And I'm really grateful. Thank you so much, Keith."

If You Want To Make Positive Changes To Create Your Future...

If there's something holding you back, and you want to sort it once and for all, maybe we should have a chat?

Who knows, maybe soon others will be inspired by reading your story here!

Why?

3-piece suit and bow tie - if you've ever seen me on stage, or online, or even in one of my books or podcasts, you've probably noticed I always wear this.

You may even have wondered why - many have asked that exact question.

So I thought it's time to explain why, once and for all!

How it Started

A few years ago while I was living and working in Bali, I realised that now I was stepping up a level in terms of stage presentations, I needed to look the part. I mean, t-shirt and shorts are fine in outdoor spaces in Bali, but not so suitable when on stage teaching 800 people hypnosis in Singapore!

Through a friend, I was introduced to a stylist in Sydney. I was visiting Australia in a few weeks anyway, so it made sense to spend the day with her to find a nice new suit.

Now, I’d always liked the idea of a bow-tie, the waistcoat, the full works. Never really knew why, but it always just appealed to me, although it was not something I'd ever worn. I always knew that a regular shirt and tie just felt wrong for me somehow.

Anyway, a few days before I was due to fly out, we had a chat via Skype to explore what I was looking for and to get some ideas. So of course I mentioned my love of the bow-tie and asked whether it might be something we could consider while we were shopping, although I still placed myself in my stylist's hands - after all, she was the expert, and what's the point in hiring an expert if you ignore them?

The Shopping Expedittion

A few weeks later came the day of the Shopping Expedition itself.

I was, by this time, getting rather excited. I'd never hired a stylist before, never had a personal shopper, and never been to Sydney - all in all it was shaping up to be quite a day!

We met for a coffee and chat first, got to know each other a little more, then went shopping.

The day was quite the experience - as I mentioned a moment ago, I’d never had a personal shopper and stylist before, so I didn't really know what to expect. Thankfully it was a most enjoyable day, and we looked at quite a few absolutely exquisite outfits, some way beyond my price range but worth a look and a try anyway just for the experience.

By the end of the day, I am pleased to report that we had found a very nice 3-piece suit, bow-tie, and gorgeous shoes. Mission accomplished!

However, the most interesting bit was at the end of the day, when we were having a final farewell chat over a cocktail. (Because all good shopping expeditions deserve to be celebrated with a cocktail, don't they?)

She told me about her initial impressions when we’d had our Skype chat right at the start. Apparently, when I’d mentioned I fancied a bow tie she inwardly groaned, making a mental note that she’d have to find a way to talk me out of that sort of thing as it wouldn’t look good.
And then we met for our pre-shopping coffee - she said that within 5 minutes of us chatting there in person, she not only realised that a bow tie would work for me - she quickly came to the conclusion that it was the only viable option, it captured me and my character entirely!

Which was lovely to hear.

And I’ve found that seems to be the case everywhere I go.

To me, wearing it feels perfectly natural - a conventional suit and tie just feels like a fake uniform to me personally (I know it can work for others, and good luck to them!), but when I am wearing this, I just feel that I am ME.

The Suit's Public Debut

I first realised this a couple of weeks later (19th July 2013, so my photo album tells me!), back in London, where I was speaking for GTeX at a venue in east London. At that time, I was staying with friends in Reading, west of London (as I was only visiting the UK for a couple of weeks), so after the event I had to take the tube across London to catch the last train home, which meant I had to rush. Which meant I forgot to change out of my 3-piece and back into "normal" clothes.

So there I was, on the tube, late at night, lots of people all around making their way home from the pubs, and I never even realised I was "dressed up" until nearly home, it just felt so comfortable and natural and, well, me!

I'm pleased to say that it certainly gets me recognised, it stands out, and it has very much become my brand. Even my logo was inspired by it.

On the rare occasion I don’t wear it to an online meeting or an in-person event, most people express disappointment!

So why do I wear a 3-piece and bow-tie?

Because it is me in a way no other clothing is.

Plus, as Matt Smith's regeneration of The Doctor said, “Bow Ties are cool”. Being the massive geek that I am, who am I to disagree?

How We Got Here

When we first went into COVID Lockdown, I had a lot of people assuming that this meant my coaching business was closed - after all, if nobody can travel or meet up, how on earth could I successfully coach using hypnosis and NLP, right?

The reality is that for all of these tools, there is no need to be physically present!

After all, unlike stage hypnosis which makes great use of touch-based "rapid inductions" (which we'll explore in a separate article if there is enough interest, let me know!), in a therapy or coaching environment there is no need for any physical interaction or connection at all.

Which means that it is entirely possible to work remotely via technologies such as Zoom, Skype, FaceTime and more (even telephone).

Indeed, I have been successfully working with clients around the global using these technologies for many years, and certainly long before Lockdown. For example, I live in Scotland, and my furthest away client was a lady in New Zealand. We did it all via Zoom, and she got fantastic results.

Interestingly, it turns out that working remotely via Zoom etc (to save typing from this point I'll refer to Zoom, but this also applies to all other forms) is not only effective, but it is actually more effective - there are several advantages to working remotely which make it an even better option than in-person sessions!

Why Is It Better?

So let's take a look at seven great reasons why hypnosis is actually better via zoom.

1. Safety
   There is no getting away from it, sometimes the thought of going to a stranger's place and expecting to be alone with them and to be fully relaxed can be unnerving for some people. Or the thought of having a stranger in one's house alone with you, sadly in this day and age can feel unsafe.
   By working remotely via Zoom, there is absolutely no safety concern - neither for the client nor for the hypnotist.
2. No travel
   When we go to a hypnotist we can already feel a little stressed - after all, we are about to confront a part of us which we have been hiding or fighting for a long time.
   Now add in the added stress of travelling to somewhere new. Whether it's driving and finding somewhere to park, or navigating trains and busses, it's a pain - and that's even with no delays!
   With zoom, the furthest you have to travel is to your computer. Nice and stress-free.
3. Comfort
   Part of the whole process of going into trance is to be able to relax; and that is a whole lot easier when you feel comfortable!
   By working remotely via Zoom, you can do it from the comfort of your favourite chair in your own home, surrounded by your own things - what better place to feel safe and relaxed and comfortable? Far more comfortable than trying to relax in a strange chair in a strange environment - at no matter how much the hypnotist might try to make their office feel comfy, it still feels a bit "clinical".
4. Relax deeper
   All of these mean that when it comes to the hypnosis itself, you are able to feel safe and confident enough to let go and to fully relax, which means that you can go quicker and deeper into trance.
   Which means you get even better results, faster.
5. Using your surroundings
   By having you in your own home for your hypnosis, the hypnotist can make use of your surrounding to help you go more deeply into trance, and to help you continue to change and grow long after your session.
   For example, sitting in your favourite chair makes the cigarette cravings vanish; or the sound of your clock soothes your worries; or the sight of your TV makes you feel more productive, or...
   A great way to ensure even longer lasting and deeper powerful results - it's like having your hypnotist with you long after your session is over!
6. Relaxed afterwards
   By working remotely via Zoom, you do not have to face the hassle of that long arduous trip back home again after your session. Which means that after you've finished and your Zoom is ended, you can continue to enjoy the warm positive feelings which came out of your session.
   You see, the change process doesn't stop happening when the hypnosis session finished!
   When you go to the gym, much of your body's growth happens afterwards as your body grows as it recovers from the session.
   And so it is with coaching - the real magic happens in the minutes, hours, even days afterwards, as your unconscious mind continues to process what's been explored.
   By being able to be a little more relaxed afterwards, by avoiding piling on the stress of travelling back home, you give your mind the important space to continue to process what's been happening uninterrupted, and to continue to make those new connections at the deep level rapidly and permanently.
   In short, you get even more powerful results more rapidly!
7. Lower costs
   By not paying for a luxurious office in a prestigious Harley Street location (or anywhere else, for that matter), the hypnotist has lower costs, which means they can pass some of these savings on to you the client - sometimes this is in the form of lower fees, sometimes it is in the form of free additional time or other bonuses for you.
   Of course you don't have travel expenses to get to where-ever the office would be so it's also cheaper for you - both in terms of no travel costs, and no travel time.
   Lower costs all round.

Here To Stay

As I mentioned, I've been using it successfully for many years already, long before Lockdown started, and in the past year a great many more hypnotherapists have grown and adapted their way of working to enable them to work remotely with their clients too.

It's certainly here to stay. While many hypnotists will return to in-person consultations from their offices, many others will continue to embrace the advantages of remote working, to the considerable benefit of their clients.

So next time you are considering working with a hypnotherapist, don't think that you have to find one local to you - the world is very much your oyster, you can find the right hypnotist for you, regardless of where in the world you and they are!

The Perception

I was having a chat with a dear friend the other day, and we got on to the topic of success and money.

"People keep telling me I'm successful, but I don't think I am" he said.

When I pointed out some of his frankly amazing track record, his successes, his huge skills, and suggested there was a strong indication of success there, he dropped the killer line - "But I've not got much money. If I was successful, I'd have a lot more money by now."

Which is something which I'm sure a lot of us have thought at one point or another - indeed, far too many of us to allow our seeming lack of money to tell us we are not successful.

You see, we are generally conditioned to believe that success = money, and that money = success.

So, of course, if we don't see money coming in, we assume this must mean we are not successful.

This can even, in too many cases, lead us to abandon our chosen path - which is a sure-fire way to guarantee the absence of success and the absence of money!

The Reality

The reality is that it's not success = money, rather it is success first, money later.

Think about it for a moment.

Imagine you are looking for a job.

You look through the papers, the online job boards, visit company websites etc, and find a job to apply for. Success! You found a job to apply for! Do yogurt paid at this point? No. Oh...

You apply for the jobs you found, and one of them invites you for an interview. Success! Do you get paid now? No? Oh...

You turn up for the interview, and do well and get through to the final round. Success! Money? Nope, not yet. Oh...

Good news, you were successful every step of the way, and you get offered the job. Definite success! Money now? No? What?! Oh...

You turn up on the morning of your first day. Success indeed, but STILL no money! Oh...

Finally it's payday, having worked there for a few weeks (depending upon how often they pay their staff), working hard, establishing your worth, and finally you get paid. Money at last!

Does this mean you were not successful until payday?

Absolutely not - you were successful every single step of the way. You can be sure, though, that if you'd decided "No money so far, so I'm not successful, let's give this up" then you woudl have never got the job and never started receiving your salary.

Success first, money later.

You have to demonstrate a consistent track record of growing successes in order to reach the point at which you become of sufficient interest to those who are prepared to pay.

Whether that's an employer, or clients, it's the same thing.

People will pay, when they perceive it is worth it to them.

And you prove your worth by consistently building up that sustained track record of successes.

It's the dedication to one's craft, the constantly growing and refining and honing one's stills, increasing one's experience, establishing a track record, all of which are a string of individual successes which ultimately combine to make your offering financially attractive to those who are prepared to pay.

You can't miss out the steps, and every step is, whether we can see it at the time or not, taking us ever closer to the financial rewear for our sustained success.

So next time you are beating yourself up about not being successful because you don't currently have money coming it, remember it's success first, money later. The money will follow the success, once you have established a proven track record.

Keep on keeping on! 

The Problem

Ophidiophobia, otherwise known as the fear of snakes, was a bit of a problem for Vina.

She lives in Sydney, Australia, and although she knew she wasn't going to bump into snakes on a daily basis, she still wanted to be able to deal with any snake encounters calmly and rationally, rather than freezing through fear.

Like many, her fear was so strong that even just thinking about snakes would make her freeze - indeed, just the word was enough to make her skin crawl and for her to start to feel deeply uncomfortable.

The Solution

Vina decided that enough was enough, it was time to conquer her snake fear once and for all.

So she came to me.

Our session was, as she describes it, "short, quick, fun, really safe" - indeed, our session lasted less than 10 minutes!

Short it may have been, but it was extremely effective - 10 minutes earlier the word snake was enough to make Vina's skin crawl and for he to start to freeze; now, there was no problem with snakes at all. Indeed, she actually said that she could imagine seeing one in real life and she could imagine her reaction would be to happily chat with it instead of freezing and panicking!

A lifetime of deep-seated phobia, completely gone in 10 minutes.

In Her Own Words

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVeCnI2fKr8

"Hi I'm Vina and I'm from Sydney Australia and I actually had this irrational fear of snakes - completely completely afraid, Iwould just freeze just thinking about snakes.

Even the word "snakes" would just make my skin crawl and I knew that maybe I won't be seeing snakes every day of my life but if I should chance upon seeing a snake I'd like to actually cure that phobia.

So I saw Keith for that and Keith really took me through a process which was short, quick, fun, really safe, and I can't even recommend to you how amazing it was.

Now if you mention the word snake or I think that I'm gonna to come across a snake I feel like it's a jelly bean! That's how dramatic and how quick my phobia turned into a no big deal.

So if I do feel the snake coming on anywhere in my path I can have complete peace, can just sort of look at it and probably even talk to it and go "Hey snakie, how you going?"

Honestly this amazing process that only took like 5 -10 minutes at the most really changed the whole lifetime of snake fears that I had.

I totally totally recommend seeing Keith about it - he's an awesome guy and he just has the ability to keep you in a safe space and... why not just come and see him!"

If You Want To Make Change…

If there’s something holding you back, something you want to change or get rid of once and for all, maybe we should have a chat?

Who knows, maybe soon others will be inspired by reading your story here!

Helping you to survive Zoom calls, making them enjoyable, and truly being yourself on them, is quite an in-depth topic, there's a lot to cover. Which means this is a longer blog than normal.

So you have a couple of options here.

1. Set aside a little time, grab a cuppa, and have a good read; or
2. Just go to the section you want.

Either way, I hope you find some useful tips here to help you to make the most of Zoom (etc) calls, and to protect yourself from fatigue and anxieties from them.

Introduction

Zoom. FaceTime. Skype. The list is seemingly endless.

A quick note - from this point on, I shall refer to "Zoom", but remember that pretty much everything here applies to all over video messaging tools, I'm just using Zoom as shorthand. So if you use, for example, Skype, just mentally replace Zoom with Skype as you read on.

There's no getting away from it, right now we are very much living in the age of online video meetings. Whether it's businesses holding meetings, families keeping in touch with each other, or friends chilling and hanging out together, things like Zoom have enabled us all to keep in contact in ways which woudl have been nothing but an impossible sci-fi dream even just 20 years ago.

However, as with most things in life, there are pros and cons to this brave new world of online meetings.

On the plus side, it enables us all to keep in touch no matter how socially isolated we are and no matter how big the lockdown is. Just imagine if we were in this sort of situation back in the 1980s! It would have been a much more isolating experience all round...

On the minus side, however, there is an increasing feeling that we should be online at all times, that we have no excuse not to attend meetings, and that all starts to get draining (as well as killing productivity). Not to mention many people have fears, anxieties, and more about being constantly "on display" in this way.

Let's take a look at the two biggest areas which cause people concerns with these tools, look at how we can overcome those, and finish up by exploring how and why you can Be Yourself on Zoom.

What Scares Us...

First things first, the two biggest areas which cause people to be scared or worried or anxious about being on Zoom.

Fear Of Being On Camera

Many of us feel uncomfortable being on camera - whether that is recording videos to post on social media, or even just being videoed by friends. It is little wonder therefore that many people find being on camera on Zoom to be uncomfortable.

Our discomfort, even fear, usually falls into one of two aspects (and yes, very often they are both experienced, just to make things worse)

1. We get nervous about how others will see us
   With the camera on us, and our image being splashed across everyone's screens, we can often feel as though everyone is looking at us, staring at us, judging us. It makes for a very uncomfortable feeling. This is made worse by the very nature of the meetings - because everyone is usually looking at the screen to pay attention, it looks as though there are many pairs of eyes staring right at us, making us feel even more uncomfortable. After all, how uncomfortable would we feel if we were in a physical meeting room and everyone was staring at us the entire time? That's very often how it can feel on Zoom calls.
2. We hate seeing ourself on screen. One of those faces staring intently back at us is, of course, ours. For many people, staring at ourselves for any length of time becomes uncomfortable. We end up focusing on all the perceived imperfections we believe about our appearance. Every tic, spot, line, expression... to us they become magnified seemingly 100-fold. Many people already dislike seeing themselves in photos, or seeing themselves on video - now they are faced (as it were) with having to see themselves on that screen for long periods of time - and worse, they feel they can't even look away because they feel they have to face the camera for everyone else.
3. We feel like we are "on display" the entire time - rather than being able to hide in the shadows from time to time, we feel like everyone can see us the entire time and we are always on display in the spotlight. Which can be enjoyable for some, but for others it gets very draining very quickly.

Zoom Fatigue

In the early days of the first lockdown, when people started to discover Zoom and the tremendous opportunities for working and socialising online, a great many people dived in feet-first and embraced the opportunities to the full. Spending hour upon hour in meetings, chats, hanging out. I am a member of an excellent networking organisation which wholeheartedly embraced Zoom and moved their large number of regular meetings from face-to-face to Zoom overnight. The buzz in the community was huge. And given most people were now either on furlough or working from home, the opportunities where huge. An oft-repeated viewpoint was that now days and weekends meant nothing, we could all network 7 days a week. It was fun!

Of course, reality started to re-assert itself, and people (in networking and in all other areas) quickly started to find they were experiencing Zoom Fatigue. A kind of overwhelm, both from the sheer number of online meetings and their length, as well as the discomfort of being "on display". Indeed, this can be particularly hard for introverts, as it very much takes them outside of that protective zone - whereas in conventional in-person meetings it is possible to at least have an aspect of me-space, with Zoom calls one is front and centre at all times. Draining!

Then we add to that the physical issues of spending long times in front of a computer screen - you are moving far less, and your eyes are spending far more time focusing on the same space. Indeed, it has been shown that whereas we normally blink around 15 times a minute (every 4 seconds or so), when we are focused on our screens that drops to around 5 - 7 times a minute - leading our eyes to get drier, tired, and sore.

Overcoming These

It's not all doom and gloom, however! The good news is that there are many things we can do to mitigate and even overcome all of these issues, so that we can productively enjoy our Zoom meetings (whether they are business, social, or pleasure)

Overcoming Fear Of Being On Camera

The biggest thing to realise is that despite appearances, most people are not focusing on you.

Think back to your last Zoom meeting. Now, as you think about it, describe in great detail what each person on the call was wearing. What clothing? Material? Colours? Were they wearing any makeup and if so what? What colour and style was their hair in that call? What was going on in the background of their pictures?

Unless you have a photographic memory (and it turns out that virtually nobody does!), you will find it very hard to recall anything other than superficial details. The results would be the same if you were asked the same question immediately after leaving the Zoom call, however, and that's nothing to do with not having a photographic memory, and everything to do with the fact that you were not focusing on what everyone else was wearing or what they looked like, or what was going on in their background (unless it was particularly unusual and memorable as a result).

What's going on? Nobody is focusing on spotting all the details over each person in the meeting. Which means nobody is focusing on obsessively observing you, either.

People's attention is split between the multiple participants, their own notes, whatever else is going on in their room, and staring at their own picture (very often) desperately hoping nobody else is staring (which, of course, they aren't).

It's a new version of that age-old paradox - we worry about what people are thinking of us, when in reality they aren't even thinking of us anyway...

So tip 1 is just to relax and remember that people are not paying our face anywhere near the level of scrutiny we think they are.

Second thing to realise is that you can switch off seeing yourself. I don't mean metaphorically! I mean you can actually stop Zoom from showing your face on your screen.

You don't need to turn off your camera for this (which would stop everyone seeing you - depending upon the meeting that could be considered rude, poor etiquette, or open you up to all sorts of speculation as to what you are actually doing!).

In Zoom (other apps tend to have similar options) move your mouse over your image, right-click to get a menu, and you will see an option to disable seeing your image on your screen. Click it and you disappear!

Of course, everyone else can still see you, so all is well, but it does remove the temptation to fixate upon your own image, brooding upon your perceived imperfections, and stopping you from being quite so self-conscious.

Tip 2 is to disable display of your video on your feed - much more relaxing!

A third tip helps to avoid the feeling that everyone is staring at us, and will actually make it seem like you are better connected with everyone at the same time!

Instead of focusing on the screen, look directly at the camera. Now, don't stare, that's rude, but look at it just like you might look at someone to whom you are speaking. This is especially effective when you are talking, and can really help to take your mind of the feeling of "being watched". By looking directly at the camera you no longer focus on the faces staring at you, meaning you can relax a bit, and at the same time everyone watching feels you are connecting more directly with them as you seem to be looking them straight in the eyes - a win-win!

Tip 3 - look directly at the camera, not the screen, especially while talking.

Finally, remember that as with all things, practise helps. So yes, you may well feel nervous the first few times, but keep at it, and eventually it will start to feel more natural.

Overcoming Zoom Fatigue

There are several different things we can do to overcome Zoom Fatigue.

• Remember to schedule gaps between your meetings.
  Yes, online meetings are great because there's no travel time, so you can cram far more of them in to the day. BUT they are still hard work, and cumulatively they are exhausting, just as back-to-back real-world meetings woudl be. So make sure you have breaks between meetings. Not just a 5 minute "comfort break", but actual gaps - 30-60 minutes or more.
  And make sure you take that as a break - don't give in to the temptation to stay on the call longer, or to stay at your desk and do other work.
  Get up, have a walk around, get a cuppa, go to the bathroom, something to break your state, take you out of the meeting "zone", to have a breather and a break both physically and mentally.
• Have the discipline to have a daily routine.
  It is all to easy to let everything blur and blend int to one. I described earlier how some people felt they could take full advantage of the "new way" or working by deciding that week days and weekends were meaningless, we could so this stuff 24x7, and they threw themselves into it with gusto.
  The problem is, doing Zoom meetings 7 days a week is not just doing it for 7 days - it's doing it forever without a break!
  And that will make anyone fatigued, no matter how disciplined or strong they think they are.
  So establish daily routines. Make sure day is different from evening. Make sure weekends are different from weekdays. Sure, you could decide your weekends are now Wednesday & Thursday, and that Saturday and Sunday are work days - go for it! Just make sure you DO have those weekends and that they are DIFFERENT.
  As the saying puts it, a change is as good as a rest, any by having structure to your days and weeks, it really makes a significant difference. It keeps you fresh, it gives you time to relax and take a mental and physical break, and it breaks up the long-term monotony (that being a particularly insidious killer).
• Don't focus on the screen the entire time during calls.
  Think back to a "real world" meeting. Would you spend the entire time staring intently at the person speaking?
  No, of course not!
  You would be looking at them some of the time, naturally, and the rest of the time you might be looking at the screen they have their presentation on, or you might be glancing round the room to see how others are reacting (especially when a comment is shared), or looking at your notepad as you take notes. Or even looking briefly at the clock, or out the window, or... well, anywhere and everywhere. The point is, you are looking around a lot.
  Yes, you are focused on what is being said (well, mostly!), but you are not staring just at the speaker.
  Yet in Zoom calls, we feel obliged to stare at the screen the entire time - it's no wonder we get fatigued.
  So take breaks - look around, look at others on the screen, or look away from the screen at the wall behind your computer (anyone looking at you at that point will still think you are watching the screen so it's all good). And also look elsewhere. Nothing wrong with glancing round your room, or glancing out the window (just don't start staring out the window and get lost in daydreams, that doesn't tend to end well).
  Have a notepad where you take written notes rather than typing all on the computer, and look at what you are writing - heck, have a little doodle pad and look at your doodles from time to time. It all helps to break the state, and give you that little "micro rest" you need.
  I have two screens (well, I have a laptop and a big monitor, so that's two screens). I have my calendar on my laptop screen, and I deliberately have that off to one side, at right angles, so I can't see both at once - it gives me something I can physically look over to see when I need a little break. It all makes a big difference.
• Practice mindfulness.
  This can be a great practise to do between meetings, and also as a great way to start or end your day. It could be meditation, it could be yoga, whatever it is for you.
  Check out my 5 Minute Mindfulness podcast which is great for this - it's a growing collection of easy-to-use 5 minute meditations, ideal for fitting in-between Zoom meetings when you need to just take a complete mental break.
• Be Kind to others and to yourself.
  YEs, we are slowly getting used to working in this new way, but for most it is still new, different, and still filled with lots of unknown challenges - both in terms of the technology and processes, and in terms of what's going on in people's lives. It's a strange and changing and challenging time for us all. Mistakes are going to happen. Confusion will arise. Not everything is going to go the way we want or expect it too. Be kind, be compassionate, be accepting that things are what they are and that's life.
  A nice Zen chilled response to whatever travails Zoom meetings throw at us will help you and help everyone else too.
• Follow the 20-20-20 rule.
  When you spend a lot of time staring at your screen, then every 20 minutes you should look at an object 20 feet away for 20 seconds.
  This allows your eyes a chance to relax and refocus. After all, in "normal" everyday life we do not fix our gaze on one area for extended periods of time, our eyes are usually looking around and refocusing a lot. So being forced to "sit still" for long periods of time gets tiring for your eyes. Which is why 20-20-20 helps to give them a break, which in turn helps to prevent you from getting Zoom Fatigue.

Being Yourself On Zoom

Now we've started to get a bit more comfortable with Zoom, and started to protect ourselves from fatigue, it's time to look at the most important aspect - Being You!

Why Be You On Zoom?

When we are in these meetings, many people often feel the urge or need to put on a performance, to portray themselves as someone else, to pretend they are something they are not.

Sometimes this comes from a place of nerves - being on Zoom is a whole new experience for us, we're not sure how we should act, and so we "pretend" to be some outgoing confident Zoom superstar because we think that's what we are supposed to do.

Sometimes it can be for some of the reasons we've discussed earlier in this article, the various fears and distractions and anxieties - some find it hard to act naturally when there's a camera pointed at them and they can see everything they are doing (of course we explored how to overcome those earlier).

Or perhaps we might feel the pressure to impress whoever else is on the call, and we feel we have to pretend to be someone we are not so that we don't show ourselves up or so that we impress them. It might be that our boss's boss is in the call (which happens far more often than in real world meetings). Or there might be an individual who we admire in some way and we want to make an impression so they will notice us - this can happen for professional or romantic or social reasons, and the end result is always the same.

The result is that we come over as insincere, insecure, inauthentic, even fake, or as trying too hard, or worse.

People can spot when someone is pretending to be someone they are not (well, unless they are a top grade actor, but the chances of you being Brad Pitt or Meg Ryan are pretty slim!). We end up slipping up, making a fool of ourselves, or conveying the impression that we are not trustworthy. None of which are good impressions to make!

And even if we manage to avoid projecting those images, by not being ourselves we still risk making others feel uncomfortable (especially those who do know us), and expose ourselves to the possibility of being laughed at for the wrong reasons, or to being over-the-top, or of comu=ing a cropper when things go wrong.

The primary reason, though, is authenticity - people are drawn to people who are authentic. And when we are not being ourselves, we project a strong air of inauthenticity which, consciously or unconsciously, puts people off us.

So in short - be you! As Dr Seuss put it - "Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You". So just Be You (after all, everyone else is already taken)

How To Be You On Zoom

OK, we get it - be ourselves. But HOW?

The first step is to figure out why we are not being ourselves.

Well, actually, the REAL first step is to notice and acknowledge that we are not being ourselves - unless we do that, we won't do any of the rest of it. So notice it, and acknowledge it, and (this is the important bit) don't judge or criticise yourself for it! Just acknowledge it was happening, and be grateful that you've spotted it and are able to address it.

Then start to figure out why it is you are not being You.

Is it because you feel uncomfortable, or anxious, or even scared about being on Zoom? That's perfectly natural, and a reread of the rest of this article will offer some useful insights and tips to help you to start to overcome those, to be able to relax into just being you as a result. (Particularly check the ability to turn off seeing yourself, that makes a huge difference!)

Is it because you are nervous about who is on the call? Remember that when you get right down to it, they are only human too. Indeed they are probably experiencing some discomfort too (it is a new situation for most of us and takes getting used to). And that they will forgive any little foibles which arise from nerves. Plus the chances are they are not really focusing on you anyway, so it's all good!

Get comfortable.

The more comfortable we feel, the easier it is to just mbe us. The easier it is to avoid feeling the need to "put on a show".

That comfort could be by addressing the fears and anxieties mentioned above, or by taking the steps to reduce Zoom fatigue, or it could simply be making sure we are physically comfortable! The meeting, after all, may be virtual, but we are still very much physical!

• Make sure you are properly hydrated - have a full glass of water within easy reach at all times
• Make sure the chair and desk are comfortable.
• Have your monitor at a comfortable height - you'll be there for a while, so reducing aches from poorly-adjusted positioning really pays off.
• Check the lighting! Both of your monitor, and of the rest of your room.
• Avoid the sun glaring on your screen - an easy one to overlook, but it makes a massive difference.

Following these steps helps you to feel more comfortable, making you more able to relax. And when you are more relaxed, you are far more likely to just Be You.

Remember why you are there. As with most things, getting back in touch with "why" can really help us to drop the masks, drop the pretences, and just be. So remind yourself why you are there in the first place. By doing that, it can help us to just be us, to be our true authentic self, and to share that with everyone else on the call.

Be clear what the purpose of the call is.

If it's a business call, seek to have an agreed and published agenda. This keeps the call on track, which makes it more bearable for all concerned. It also makes it easier to Be You, as you know what's coming, you know what's expected. No surprises makes it a lot easier.

Further Reading

If you feel inspired to delve deeper, you could do worse than check out these useful and informative places as a starting point -

• How to Be a Good Participant in a Zoom Meeting (from Zoom)
• The reason Zoom calls drain your energy (from BBC)
• Zom Fatigue Is Real - Here'sWhy You Are Feeling It, And What You Can Do About It. (from NorthEasternUniversity)
• How Does the 20-20-20 Rule Prevent Eye Strain? (from HealthLine)

"New Year, New Me!"

We've all said it at one point - many of us say it every single year.

2020 has been a heck of a year for all of us, and as a result there will be countless more people proclaiming that this time, more than any other time, they will truly and fully embrace the ethos of "New Year New Me".

They will be swearing that this time will be different, this time they will change.

• It might be conquering a habit.
• it might be changing your mindset.
• It might be losing weight / quitting smoking / taking up exercise.
• It might me one of a million different changes.

And they are all very admirable changes to make.

But if YOU are saying "New Year New Me", then I've got one simple question for you -

Why wait?

If you are serious about making that change, then why on earth woudl you wait until New Year to make the change?

Why not commit, take action, and do it now?

If you really want it so badly that you will do whatever it takes to make the change, why woudl you put it off a few more weeks?

As the saying goes -

---

The best time to plant a tree is 30 years ago; the second best time is now.

---

The best time certainly isn't "I'll wait and do it at some arbitrary point in the future" - that tree will never get planted!

Why Do People Wait?

The reality is that most people put these things off to New Year simply because they don't actually want to make any changes.

They are comfortable where they are, they can't be bothered changing or improving, it's too much effort.

Oh, we know we "should", and we will make grand New Year Resolutions to that effect.

Often we will say it to sound good, or because of peer pressure, or because in the moment we do actually think we shoudl probably make some changes.

But deep down, most people don't want to change or put in the effort.

And that is why they wait! Because by committing to the change BUT putting the actual commitment out into the future sometime, it gives us the feel-good boost but without any of the effort.

Whereas those who WANT to make the change? They are busy doing it.

Which one are you?

Are you one of those who waits because they don't actually deep down want to change?

Or are you one of those who knows they want to change, and start the process right now - there really is no time like the present! After all, when you start now, you will be weeks ahead come the New Year, and you'll be all the better for it!

What Next?

If you are one of those who knows they want to make change, here's three simple steps to get you started.

1. Get clear on what specifically you want (make it what you DO want, rather than what you DON'T want - for example "I want to lose 10kg" rather than "I don't want to be fat")
2. Write down what you want from step 1, and list as many positive reasons as you can to support why you really do want this. Be specific, get as deep into them as you can. The stronger the reasons, the greater your ability to get through even the tough parts of the work.
3. Seek help to make the changes. Whether it's finding coach, or a mentor, or signing up for a class, or seeking out a mate who has done it - whatever it is, you will have a far greater chance of success if you have support.

And above all - start now. The sooner you get started, the longer you will be able to enjoy the benefits of that change throughout the rest of your life.

Good luck!

"There is only one thing worse in the world than the fear of being seen, and that is the fear of not being seen."

Keith Blakemore-Noble (with apologies to Oscar Wilde)

Visibility can be deeply scary and uncomfortable for so many of us; to be standing up for what you believe in and to be attracting attention is not for the faint of heart

Which creates a massive paradox for so many, especially in any form of business.

What Is The Visibility Paradox?

• On the one hand, as a business owner or an entrepreneur, we know the we need to be highly visible. We need to be shouting about what we do, sharing our successes and (more importantly) our clients' successes. There is the need for us to let people know what exactly it is we do, and for who exactly we do it. We need to do this loud and often, so that people who need what we offer, people who we can help, actually get to hear about us and come to find us.
  After all, if we don't speak up about what we do, how can we possibly expect people to ever hear about us, let alone decide to come work with us rather than one of our more vocal competition?
  "Build it and they will come", the saying goes. However it only works if you shout about it enough for them to even know about it - you need visibility!
  So we have to make sure we are seen, and we have to be seen to be seen, going further than just the occasional quiet post or clip. It's a sustained presence where our ideal clients hang out, reminding everyone that we are still around and reminding them what we do.
• Whereas on the other hand, for so many of us, that sort of attention is very uncomfortable and we would do almost anything to hide away. We feel, for whatever reason, that people won't want to hear about us. It might be that we believe that they will look badly upon us for speaking up. A big risk we perceive is the risk of being judged in all manner of ways. We may just be plain down-right uncomfortable with sticking our head above the parapet, so to speak, and hate being in the limelight.

"Look at me! But don't look at me..."

It is quite the paradox indeed. How can we be visible without being visible?

Of course, the answer is the we can't. We either have to be visible, or invisible, we can't be both.

And therein lies our problem.

How Do We Resolve The Visibility Paradox?

Fundamentally, it comes down to balancing the equation - when the fear of not being seen is greater than the fear of being seen, you'll make the effort to be seen.

The secret is to make whatever we are shouting about to be so much bigger than ourselves. We need to make whatever we are shouting about so important, that our fear about being seen becomes so much less than our fear of not being able to shout about it.

Some steps which can help overcoming toe visibility paradox could include -

1. Remind yourself exactly what you are doing
2. Remind yourself why it is so important to do it
3. Really consider the massive positive impact you have on the lives of others by doing what you do
4. Think about those you have helped, or hose you could help, and really consider the positive difference to their lives
5. Focus on each of this people, the ones you could help, and imagine having to face them, look into their eyes, and tell them that you are not going to help them, you are going to condemn them to continue to suffer, because you are afraid of sanding up for what you believe in - imagine he crushing blow you would deal to each of them...

By realising just how massive a positive effect our being visible has, we can help ourselves to realise just how important our visibility is - make it big enough, and it dwarfs any desires we have about wanting to remain invisible.

See Also...

For more information on the topic, check out these two links -

• Motivation - The Simple Key.
• Shannon Eastman's "Work That Matters" podcast episode 1 - "The Visibility Paradox" where I was Shannon's guest and we discussed the idea in a lot more detail.

1 They Are A Great Excuse

Sounds harsh, but for many people, their fear can be a very good excuse for all manner of thing.
Especially it can be a great excuse for failure!

I've known of many people who use their fear or their phobia as a justification for pretty much anything that goes wrong, and as a cast-iron excuse for not succeeding in something.

Of course the reality is that the fear is very very rarely the actual cause of the problem. Usually they fail for other reasons - not working hard enough at it, giving up oo early, not focusing on the problem, not working through it methodically, not knowing what to do, not willing to do whatever it takes, the list goes on.

However, instead of recognising those and taking responsibility and doing something, many find it far easier to blame it on their fear.

After all, it's not their fault, it's the fear's fault, so they can hardly be to blame when it all goes wrong...

So if they were to address their fear, to conquer it once and for all - well, there goes their excuse!

2 It's Comfortable.

As absurd as it may sound, for some people their fear is a very comfortable thing.

Sure, it stops them from doing many things, but hey, some of those things are quite scary, you know?

Whereas living with the fear, or with the phobia, does provide some comfort. You know how you are going to react in any given situation, you know what will happen, you know what to expect.

It's comfortable. The very definition of living within the Comfort Zone.

Alas, much of the Good Stuff (including very often the way to get our dreams) lies outside of the Comfort Zone, and as much of a comfort blanket as our fear may be, it is still ultimately, holding us back.

But hey, at least it's comfortable there!

3 "It's Part Of Who I Am"

A VERY common comment people with fears or phobias make is "It's just part of who I am".

In this cade, people have chosen to actually embrace their fears as par of their personality, and as a core part of who they are.

Which is a massive shame, because the reality is that none of us are born with fears. None of us a born scared of anything. We are born completely fearless (as countless parents of young babies will attest from their own nerve-wracking experiences with their fearless offspring!)

All fears are things we learn to do - either through direct experience or by observing others or through being taught (check out this blog post and this podcast for a more detailed look a this).

Which means that no matter what the fear is, it is categorically not a part of who we are! IT is simply something we learned to do along the way.

And of course, if we learned how to do the fear, we can also learn how NOT to do the fear...

4 You Are Scared Of Life Without Them

Life can be scary at times.

For anyone.

And one of the biggest sources of scariness can be the worry of the unknown. When you know what it going to happen, when you know how to react, it is less cary; on the other hand, if you are not sure what is going to happen, then you can' plan how to react, and that makes it scary.

So for people who have fears which hold them back from doing new things, the fear itself can be reassuring.

How?

While you have the fear, it stops you from trying new things. So you remain where you are, which means you know how to act.

On the other hand, if you get rid of your fear, and have no excuse but to Do The Thing, then you end up in a new situation, uncharted territory, complete with a new set of challenges - you enter the (partially) unknown.

And for many people, the thought of that can be even scarier, so they cling on to their current fear as an excuse not to do something new!

5 You Just Don't Think It's Possible To Change

Many people I've spoken to about their fear or phobia have expressed the belief that i is impossible for them to change, to get rid of it.

The reality is that we are constantly changing - we are not the same today as we were yesterday. Indeed, take a look back at you from 10 years ago, see just how much has changed in your views, your beliefs, your situation, your attitudes, your knowledge...

We are constantly changing - sometimes in big way, more usually in small subtle ways. But changing we are.

You were not born with your fear, you learned it - in other words, you changed from being fearless to being scared.

So of course, with the right guidance and direction, you can absolutely change and conquer your fear! After all, since 2010 I've helped thousands of people around the world to transform their deepest fears into their greatest strengths, and provided you are prepared to let go of your fear, you too can change and experience the wondrous new possibilities which open up as a result!

More Details

For a more in-depth look at all of these points, please check out the episode of The Keith Blakemore-Noble Radio Show titled "The One About Why You Keep Your Fears" - At just over 24 minutes, it's a fascinating insight!

And if you fancy discussing your own particular situation, let's have a wee chat!

Often when someone suffers from a fear or a phobia, one of their biggest questions is “Why me?!”

It's a great question, so let's take a look a what's going on. We'll have a look at

• What actually is a phobia?
• Are we just born with them?
• Why do we have them?
• Where do they come from?

Along the way, we'll discover that these answer give us a strong indication as to why we can completely conquer our fears and phobias. Although that may be a topic for another blog perhaps!

What is a Phobia?

A phobia is an intense irrational fear of something which poses you no threat.

Now, just because it is irrational, doesn't mean the phobia isn't extremely real for the person suffering from it. The feelings are real, the symptoms are real, the fear feels terrifyingly real.

And don't for one moment assume the person with the phobia isn't aware that it's irrational - they probably already know that! Telling them "Stop it, it's irrational" isn' going to help in the slightest!

Are We Born With Them?

Many people assume that we are born with our phobias. "There's nothing I can do about it, it's just the way I am, I was born with them."

Whilst that might feel reassuring, it is completely wrong on all three counts!

We are not born with phobias or fears - indeed, we are not born scared of anything. As parents of young babies will very often confirm, especially once they are able to start crawling and exploring the world (mainly by attempting to put it all in their mouth, or to climb it).

Why Do We Have Them?

If we are not born with phobias or fears, why do we have them?

The simple answer is - we learn them.

As we grow and develop, we learn how to be scared. This is true both for phobias and for fears.

Where Do They Come From?

So if we learn them, how do we do it?

There are three main ways in which we learn our fears and phobias, which I'll cover here. Before we look at them, it's worth noting that in most cases, we learn these fears and phobias during the ages of 0 - 7 years of age - due to the way in which our brains develop (a topic for another blog!) However, i is still possible for us to develop fears or phobias at any age, albeit less common.

Direct Experience.

If we have an experience which has a lot of strong negative emotions, we learn to be scared.

For example, if we are unfortunate enough to be attacked by a dog when we are young, our unconscious will very quickly learn that dogs are highly dangerous, and that emotion and lesson is seared deep into our unconscious. So that when we are older, even though we know dogs are generally safe, we still have that deep fear about them.

Why?

Because our survival instincts, which get triggered by life-or-death events, is much faster than our ability to logically analyse a situation (it has to be!).

So our unconscious sees a dog, recognises this is a Thing which was highly dangerous when we were young, so it puts us on Red Alert. By the time our conscious has logically analysed the situation and realised the dog is harmless, our body is already prepared to run or fight - adrenaline flooding through, heart pounding, breath rapid...

Observing Others

Suppose one of our parents is terrified of spiders. Every time they see a spider, they freak out.

As a young baby, learning how the world works by observation, we see our parent freaking out when they see a spider. We start to learn that spiders are dangerous, and that the right way to react to them is to freak out.

Specifically Taught.

Sometimes we can be directly taught fear.

"Don't talk to strangers!" - a powerful and important message for younger children, but alas one which is often instilled with a lot of fear. Is it any wonder that so many people grow up scared of speaking with new people, even when we are adults?

What Are The Implications?

The fact that we are not born afraid, but that we learn our fears, is a very important one.

It means that under the right guidance from an expert, we can learn new and more empowering ways to behave.

We can quite literally unlearn our phobia!

Which is where I come in when I work with my clients - with over 5,000 lives transformed on 5 continents since 2010.

More Details

For a more in-depth look at all of these points, illustrated with stories and examples, please check out the episode of The Keith Blakemore-Noble Radio Show titled "The One About Why We Have Phobias" - At just over 26 minutes, it's a fascinating insight!

And if you fancy discussing your own particular situation, you can find out a little more about how I help people, or just just straight in and book free wee chat!

(Alternatively you might want to check out my podcast episode about motivation which covers this same theme)

• What IS Motivation?
• What Is The Underlying Key To Motivation?
• How Can We Rekindle Our Motivation (When Our Get-up-and-go Has Got-up-and-gone)?
• What About "Toward" Motivation?

What IS Motivation?

Motivation is that something which causes us to act in a certain way, or to do a certain thing.

We all know how important it is if we are going to Get Things Done.

Alas, we probably all also know how elusive it can be!

Oh, not at the start – at the start we feel like we have all the motivation in the world!

But, all too often, as we start moving along our chosen path our motivation starts to wane.

And when we hit some pernicious obstacle? There’s no sign of that motivation, it’s gone off and hidden somewhere!

So what’s going on?

Let's take a more detailed look into the wonderful world of motivation and see if we can uncover its secrets!

What Is The Underlying Key To Motivation?

Fundamentally, motivation is all about minimising pain.

That may sound a bit strange, but let's take a closer look.

When your perception of the pain of staying where you are is greater than your perception of the pain of changing, then you will be motivated to change - you'll be motivated to move to a lower pain level.

Makes sense, right? I mean, who wants to stick somewhere painful, when you can move somewhere less painful AND without i hurting so much in the process.

The converse also applies, however.

When your perception of the pain of staying where you are is LESS than your perception of the pain of changing - well, you are going to stay where you are. Think about it - why would you incur MORE pain, why would you raise your pain levels?

That is the fundamental principle behind motivation - it's all about reducing pain levels.

Of course pain could mean any kind of pain or discomfort, not just actual physical pain - it could include emotional, financial, spiritual... pain in any aspect of life and its experiences. Whatever the type of pain, the underlying principle is the same - motivation is the drive to minimise the pain. Always.

How Can We Rekindle Our Motivation

What To Do When Our Get-up-and-go Has Got-up-and-gone?

You know what it's like. You've got your goal. You REALLY want i. And at the start, you make good progress.

But (there's always a but, isn' there?) sooner or later, motivation starts to wane, until it fizzles out completely.

Somehow, for whatever reason, you can' muster up the motivation you know you once had.

Perhaps you have hit one obstacle too many. Or you are overwhelmed with other things. Or your enthusiasm has withered away.

Whatever the reason, the result is the same - you can't bring yourself to actually do the thing you need to do. So you procrastinate.

How can you bring that motivation back?

By remembering that motivation is all about pain minimisation.

When your motivation has gone, all that has happened is that in that moment, your perception of the level of pain in Doing Something is greater than the level of pain you perceive in NOT Doing Something.  In other words, subconsciously you now think i will hurt less to stay where you are than to keep going.

Think about what's going on, and why the pain balance has tipped.

Is the obstacle you are facing more painful than you'd expected?

Is the thing you want not actually that important?

Really get in touch again with what you want and WHY you want i. Examine the pain around not having it, really get a deep feel for it.

Think about when you have a plaster that needs to come off. You know it will hurt to pull it, BUT you also know that a quick pull and the short sharp pain is over and done with. And more importantly, the relief afterwards is much longer lasting!

So when your motivation is waning, re-examine the pain in staying where you are, the pain in changing, and the pain in not getting what you want. Get back in touch with all of that, and you will find a way to get motivated once again.

"If I don't make this change, can I really put up with life being like this forever?"

What About "Toward" Motivation?

Usually when discussing goal setting, we talk about the difference between "Toward" and "Away from" motivation - being motivated by what you do want rather than what you don't want.

It is usually said hat "toward motivation" - being motivated by what you do want - is more powerful and longer lasting.

And overall, that is indeed true,.

So how does that square with motivation being all about pain minimisation? Aren't we saying that all motivation is away-from motivation (moving away from pain)?

At first glance, that does look like a massive contradiction. The reality is a little deeper, however.

Yes, "Toward motivation" does generally have a stronger drive. Picturing your ideal mansion, for example, and focusing on that rather than focusing on "I don't want to be homeless", is far more likely to get you to your mansion.

You see, when you really focus on wanting that mansion, on really picturing, i, experiencing it, looking and feeling and hearing every minute details - you create a massive sense of longing. So much so, that it actually hurts not to have it - and make the longing strong enough, it will hurt more no having it, than it will hurt to do whatever it takes to get it!

So yes, using Toward Motivation is very important for setting goals, it is very powerful - and to get it right, the vision needs to be so strong, vivid, real, that it actually hurts in some way to not have it!

It's That Simple

So there you have it - the key to motivation is understanding that motivation is simply all about pain minimisation.

Get that right, and you will always be able to find ways to truly motivate yourself - either to achieve The Thing, or to realise The Thing isn't that important and to work out what is instead.

Have fun!

 ...and What You Can Do About It

Like a great many people, you have probably made some New Year Resolutions at the start of the year.

And like a great many people, you will almost certainly fail to keep them.

Indeed, according to research done by the University of Scranton, 92% of people fail to keep their resolutions over the year - which means that only 8% of people actually succeed with their resolutions!

Indeed, in recognition of this, 17th January each year is "Ditch Your New Year Resolution Day" (complete with its own obligatory social media hashtag, #DitchYourResolutionsDay) - a date by which usually around 30% of people have already failed to keep their New Year Resolutions.

Does this mean New Year Resolutions are bad and worthless?

Absolutely not!

The reason I am writing this is not to say you should not make New Year Resolution.

My point is simply that if you are going to do so, do you want to be in the 92% who fail, or do you want to be in the 8% who succeed?

I'm going to go ahead and assume you want to be in the 8% who succeed - because after all, what's the point in making them if you don't intend to keep them, right?

So let's take a look at the main reasons why people fail to keep their resolutions, and see what we can learn to help us be in the 8%.

Main Reasons People Fail to Keep Their New Year Resolutions

1. Not doing it for yourself

For perhaps the majority of people, the reason they make New Year Resolutions is because it is The Done Thing. Society tells us we should make them. Our friends cajole us into making resolutions. So we make them because it's what we are supposed to do.

Which means for many people, New Year Resolutions are simply Goals we set to please Other People

As anyone who knows about goal setting already lan own, a goal must be something YOU want to do. So you must set it because YOU want to set it, not just because someone else told you that you need some goals.

Typically what happens is someone will ask you what your New Year Resolutions are, and having not really given the matter much thought you might reply something along the lines of "I dunno, lose some weight I suppose, maybe get a bit fitter"

How much commitment is there to those goals? Very little!

So it is unsurprising when you fail to keep those goals when life gets in the way or when it starts to get a bit hard - announcing that you are going to take up jogging is easy to do while having a few celebratory drinks on New Year's Eve - it gets a lot harder when it's pouring with rain for the 5th successive day, and it's cold, and your favourite show is on TV, and you had a thought day at the office...

2. Making Them Too Big

Yes, it is true that with goals we are encouraged to make them big, massive even. "Make them so big that even if you fail, you will still be much better off!"

However, we still have to make them realistic and achievable - we still have to give ourselves a chance of success! It's no use setting impossible New Year Resolutions and then wondering why we fail to keep them.

By way of illustration, back in 1962, then US president John F Kennedy set the very ambitious goal of sending man to the Moon, landing, and then returning safely, before the decade was out. A massive goal, to be sure, but one which they succeeded in doing in 1969. However, had he said they would go to the Moon and back within 2 years? Well, that would have just been flat-out impossible.

The very important difference between a big-yet-achievable goal, and a so-big-it's-impossible one.

And so it is with our New Yer Resolutions. Far too many people make them SO huge that they are impossible to achieve - they never give themselves a chance.

"I'm going to run the London Marathon this year (even though I've never run further than the bus-stop before)", or "I'm going to lose 6 stone" or whatever.

3. Making Too Many Resolutions

This is an absolute killer!

You know the sort of thing. The subject of New Year Resolutions comes up, and you confidently reel off your list of 15 resolutions - "I'm going to get fit, lose weight, take up jogging, learn 3 new languages, move house, get a new job, take up painting, write a novel, learn ballroom dancing..."

Woah woah woah!

When we do this, what usually happens is we end up so completely overwhelmed that we have no idea where to start, or we somehow find a ways to start them all but very quickly Life gets in the way (you know, pesky things like going to work, or eating, or having to actually find time to sleep...) and before we know it we are trying to cram 30 hours into each 24 hour day - of course something is going to give way, and that's almost always the ludicrous number of Resolutions - one by one they fall by the wayside, pushed out because there's too much going on.

And even if you DO somehow find the time for them all, you can't realistically expect to get good at multiple things at once, you pull yourself on all sorts of different directions, you lose focus, and get disillusioned with it all.

And sure enough, you find yourself in the 92%...

4. Doing It Alone

No man is an island, as the saying goes, and so it is with our resolutions.

No matter how good we are, no matter how strong our willpower, we can all benefit from having a support network.

It doesn't mater whether that is a formal affair (such as joining a weightless group, or joining your local running club), or a more informal arrangement with friends to keep each other on the straight and narrow.

Having someone who can kick out butt when we feel like giving up, and equally who will share our joys and every success along the way, is vital.

Being able to call upon others for help, support, advice when we get stuck makes an absolutely massive difference to our chances of success.

Share your Resolutions (you don't have to share them with everyone, of course - not everyone will be supportive, and that's just life. Share them with those who do care, who are supportive, and who will help). Find like-minded people who you can call upon for advice or support, and who you can support in return.

Just don't try to do it alone, otherwise you'll end up in the biggest group of all, the 92% who fail to keep their resolutions!

How To Give Yourself The Best Chance Of Success

Now we have seen the main reasons why the vast majority of people fail to keep their New Year Resolutions, what can we do to give ourselves the greatest chance of success? In short, how can you be one of the 8%ers, the few who DO keep their resolutions?

1. Make sure the resolutions are which WE want to do for US.
2. Make them realistically achievable
3. Make them manageable - it is better to succeed at 2 resolutions this year than to fail at 10 every year!
4. Grow a Support Network around you to help you through the bad times, to celebrate your successes, and to help you to achieve.
5. Don't wait for New Year, start NOW! Sure, you might decide to ditch some, many, or all of the resolutions you made at the start of the year, but that doesn't mean you can't pick one, RIGHT NOW, and fully commit to achieving it

It is said that the best time to plant a tree is 30 years ago; the second best time is right now.

It's the same with Resolutions. Don't wait until 31st December. If there's a change you want to make (and you WANT to make it, not just something others tell you that you should be doing), part now!

You'll stand a far greater chance of being an 8%er, and more importantly, your future self will thank you for starting right now with a realistic resolution and a supportive network!

"It's the most wonderful time of the year!" as the song says. And a big part of what makes it so wonderful for many are all the Christmas Parties.

There's the thrill of the social whirl, the glamour, the lights, the socialising. Catching up with friends far and wide, sharing all the latest gossip, sharing plans for the festive season, showing off new outfits, and generally taking full advantage of every opportunity to socially recharge to the max.

Unfortunately, for introverts, it's not always that easy.

Yes, it'd be nice to be able to enjoy going to parties, but they can just be so, well, draining! All that endless small-talk, bouncy bubbly strangers demanding attention the whole time, the non-stop noise and chatter... Parties are not the easiest of things when you are an introvert.

That's not to say introverts hate socialising - Indeed many introverts like the occasional party or catching up with people, but it's the constant onslaught of socialising crammed into the period which can be particularly draining (on the other hand, it's such an energising time for extroverts!)

So, if you are an introvert, what can you do to successfully survive the endless rounds of Christmas Parties without appearing to be a total recluse and without becoming totally drained and mentally exhausted?

Here's some Christmas Party Survival tips!

Know in advance when you will leave.

Pacing yourself is so important. If you are running a race, it is helpful to know before you start whether it is a 100m sprint, or a full marathon. You'll have a different approach to it accordingly.

It's the same with parties. Know in advance how long you'll be there, and you can plan accordingly. If it's only an hour, then you can go full-on for the hour. If it's a 6 hour evening, then you can adjust your plan, and you can also keep an eye on the time as the evening progresses, knowing how long or little you've got left until you can leave and relax.

Arrange to have a "Christmas party buddy"

Sometimes it's great to be meeting and chatting with new people. And sometimes you just need the reassuring presence of a familiar face. If possible, arrange to go with a friend, and agree to "catch up" a few times during the party. They can be a great way to grab a few minutes to relax in familiar company. They can also provide a great "excuse" for an escape - "It's been lovely meeting you, please excuse me, I have to go and catch up with xxx over there". Extroverts will understand, they use that sort of get-out all the time anyway!

Spot "safe spaces" early on

By "safe spaces" I just mean looking for places where you might be able to grab a few minutes peace and quiet to rest, gather your thoughts, do an emergency recharge, and get ready to face the next "round". This might be a quiet spot in the venue, or it could be a place on a balcony looking at a nice view, or it might be a comfy chair slightly apart from any others, or even the spot where the dog or cat hangs out! Never underestimate the restorative powers of chatting with the dog as you stroke it for 5 minutes.

Be happy to "observe".

This you can do from a "safe space", or from anywhere. Just realise that you do not have to spend the whole time making small-talk with person after person. It's perfectly acceptable to perhaps take a few minutes out, find a secluded spot away from the action, and just quietly and casually observe what's going on. Really notice what you can notice. Soon you may start to see some of the group dynamics. You might spot safe spaces you'd missed, or see potentially interesting groups forming. Perhaps you may also start to spot fellow introverts doing the same, for you are not alone in this!

Look for those "holding court".

There will usually be a few people who do a lot more talking than the rest. The almost look as though they are holding court in their group, enthralling everyone else with their tales of adventure. If you are looking for a good way to pass some time without having to take part in conversation, these can be a godsend! You won't be expected to do much talking (you might not even get a word in edgeways if you tried!), but as long as you pick the right one (which is where observing comes in) you stand a very good chance of being entertained. And it gives you something to talk about with others when the time comes.

Mix it up.

One thing extroverts do really well at parties is being able to flit from person to person, group to group, conversation to conversation. Which often never even occurs to introverts, as generally we prefer the more intimate contact with a small for an extended time, so we can really get to an in-depth discussion about a mutually-interesting topic. However, parties are not usually a source of such conversations, so when you feel a conversation has reached its natural end, you can't think of anything to say, just move to another one. People will understand - it's generally how they work anyway.

Have some good conversation finishers.

So you need to escape from a boring or dying conversation, but you don't want to appear rude. What do you do? You need some good conversation finishers! Remember, at parties people generally expect to socialise and to circulate, so they are already expecting conversations to be relatively short affairs. You may well find the other person ends the conversation and moves on, especially at Christmas parties where the aim is to catch up with everyone. Don't think them rude, it's nothing against you, they are just keen to circulate and catch up with as many people there as possible! However, if you find the need to end one, have a supply of easy to use, inoffensive enders. Such as "It's been lovely to meet you". Or "Please excuse me, I need to catch up with xxx". Or any other ones you can think of. Perhaps have a few ready in advance to make it easier.

Arrive early.

If the thought of walking into a room full of complete strangers who all seem to know each other fills you with dread, try arriving to the Christmas party early. This way, there are fewer people. Which can make it easier as an introvert to start to get to know at least a few of your fellow guests. As the room fills up, you won't be amongst strangers; you'll have at least a nodding acquaintance with some of your fellow guests, which can make all the difference as the evening wears on.

Or arrive late!

Of course, for others, the idea of being with a small group of strangers is scarier or more draining than being with a large group. With a large group there are more options and plenty of ways to "hide in the crowd". Whereas with a small group there's no escape. So arriving at the Christmas party later (don't all the best people arrive fashionably late anyway?) and just throwing yourself in can sometimes work wonders. As with everything, it's all about going with what's most comfortable for you. Or at the very least, going with what's least uncomfortable!

Remember everyone's favourite topic of conversation.

This is a biggie. Want to be known as a great conversationalist? Want to be able to get really good conversations going without having to do much? Simply get people talking about their favourite topic. And in the occasional lull simply ask a question which lets them talk more about what they said. This way, you can learn a lot about people, you don't have to actually do much of the talking, and you can get a bit of a rest. And people will think you are a great conversationalist at the same time. What is that one topic of conversation? The one which is pretty much everyone's favourite? Themselves! Ask people something about themselves, and then stand back and let them talk.

Respect Alcohol

Alcohol. The cause of, and solution to, life's problems, as Homer Simpson once observed. It can certainly help to take the edge off things in potentially uncomfortable social situations for some people, of course. And let's face it, if there's one thing above all you'll find at Christmas Parties, it's alcohol! However, remember to be very mindful of how much you are drinking. When we are nervous or anxious, we can inadvertently drink a lot more than we might be expecting to drink. And whilst a drink or even two can take the edge off and help you to feel a little more comfortable, too much runs the risk of actually making you a lot worse - nobody wants to be remembered as That Drunken Mess at the party!

Avoid relying on others for transport.

Sometimes, despite the best of plans and intentions, the vibe is just not right and you may feel you would be better off cutting your losses and leaving early. Which is a problem if you are sharing transport - either driving others or getting a lift from others. If you can, make your own transport arrangements, or at the very least be aware of alternatives you could use if you do need to cut and run. You'd be surprised how often just knowing you are not "trapped" can make the event seem a lot less scary. You'll often find you don't end up leaving the Christmas party early. Instead, you can relax and enjoy it more knowing that the option is there if you need it.

Arrange for a friend to phone you.

If all else fails, and you want to make sure you have a cast-iron get-out, you can rely on a friend. Just ask them to call you at a pre-arranged time. If you are enjoying yourself, you can ignore the call or answer it very briefly. If you are not enjoying yourself, then you can use the call as an excuse to have to leave early. Again, probably not something you'll use much, but it's always nice to know you have the option. A variation on this is to have a friend you can subtly send a text to and have them call you 5 minutes later. Works just as well. An old one, to be sure, but sometimes you just can't beat the classics! Tip - you can even get apps for your smartphone to simulate an incoming call either at a specified time, or on demand, if you prefer.

And Finally

Whatever your situation as an introvert, you'll find one or more of these tips will either help you directly, or will spark off your creativity enabling you to come up with some great strategies of your own. There's no one-size-fits-all, different approaches will work for different people. The key is to read through them, see which ones resonate with you, pick the ones which feel right, and have fun playing with them. Indeed, making a game out of it, turning your party experience into a testing ground to trial different approaches, can also be a great way to handle them!

For some people, of course, it is not introversion which holds them back. Rather, for some, it is a deeper issue, social anxiety or even social phobia. This is where it's not just draining going to parties, the thought itself is actually terrifying.

That is a whole different ballgame, and certainly one with which I can empathise. I spent far too many years being terrified of the thought of speaking to strangers in the past!

The good news is that even that does not have to be the case forever. You can change. I know I certainly did, and countless clients have done so over the years too.

If that is something you'd like to explore, let's have a chat.

Picture the scene - you want to create lasting change. There's a change you have wanted to make. You've wanted to make it for age. You've really wanted to make the change.

Finally you take the plunge - either you gather up the courage and the knowledge and the willpower to do it yourself, or you engage someone to help guide you though it.

This is it! You do the Thing, and make The Change!

And it feels wonderful!

And the a few days late, you find you are back to being exactly as you were before you "changed", and that you haven't really changed at all - it lasted for a few days and then everything was back to how it was before...

What happened?

You have fallen foul of what we call "Secondary Gain"! And it can be a massive problem if not spotted and addressed, although it is absolutely surmountable.

So what IS Secondary Gain?

In a nutshell, Secondary Gain (sometimes known as Hidden Benefit) with where you get some benefit from still having the old problem, and so your unconscious mind rejects any attempts to overcome the problem.

Of course, the actual problem may well be very significant, and could be causing you a lot of pain or discomfort or deep unhappiness, and you absolutely want to get rid of it.

However, at some level your unconscious also knows that having this problem gets you some positive benefit, And worse, your unconscious doesn't know of any other way to get that benefit. Which means that it will fight to keep or bring back the problem, completely sabotaging any attempts to overcome the original issue, purely too keep that hidden benefit.

And it will keep doing this, until some alternative way of getting that secondary gain is presented.

Secondary Gain is something all good coaches know about in depth, and identifying if there is any Secondary Gain (as well as then working out how to remove it) is an extremely important part of the process.

Unfortunately, this is something I've noticed an increasing number of today's coaching, hypnosis, and NLP courses never teach, so there's a lot of people who don't know about this, and get stumped when their clients don't make progress :-( Hopefully this will change!

Examples Of Secondary Gain

Here are a couple of quick examples of how secondary gain can stop you getting results.

Both of these are from clients with whom I have worked, although all information which could identify them has been completely removed to preserve their complete anonymity, of course.

Chronic Back Pain

Someone had chronic back-pain.

Their doctor confirmed that there was no medical reason for it staying, but the pain would not go away.

So in desperation they came to me to see if I could help (they wanted hypnosis to numb the pain).

We sat down, discussed their situation, and after a bit of suitable subtle digging, we discovered that all the while they had the back pain, they were not being asked to do heavy lifting at work - crucially, before they injured their back, they were often asked to lift heavy stuff in the office even though it was nothing to do with their actual job.

They resented being the only one always asked, but when they hurt their back, they stopped being asking to do any heavy lifting.

BINGO!

Despite the massive problems of the back pain, their unconscious realised something positive. It realised that if the pain goes, the heavy lifting comes back!

And so their unconscious did the only thing it could thing of doing to avoid heavy lifting. It kept hold of the pain!

We discussed them approaching their manager and discussing getting permanent alternative arrangements for the heavy lifting to be carried out by a professional. So they saw their manager about it the next day, the manager understood their concerns and agreed.

And guess what?

Within 3 days their back was completely pain-free...

Smoking cessation

Over the years I've helped many people to quit smoking. One such client came to me saying they had tried everything. Each time they managed to stop for maybe a week at a time, but always started smoking again.

As part of my coaching process, I always check for secondary gain, and sure enough we found it.

It turned out that their unconscious associated smoking with getting regular breaks at work. Breaks such as with hanging out with other smokers and chilling for 5-10 minutes. Which meant no longer smoking missed out an important  social aspect too. Both of these disappeared when they stopped smoking. Worst of all, they were completely unaware (consciously) of any of this!

So even though there were massive dangers to smoking, their unconscious also saw benefit. Which stopped them from being able to stop smoking for long.

So we discussed how they could find alternative, healthier ways to fill those needs. Once we'd figured those out, we moved on to do the smoking cessation. As a result, they have not smoked since. That was around 6 years ago...

Other Examples

I work mostly with people on fears and phobias, and yes, secondary gain can crop up even there. And unless it is addressed, then they can not expect to make lasting change.

You might wonder what benefits someone might get having a fear or a phobia. The reality is than for a surprising number of people, there are often benefits.

For example, a fear of speaking to strangers might have the hidden benefit of never having to face rejection.

A fear of driving might mean you never have to be the designated driver.

I'm sure you can imagine all manner of possibilities...

What Does That Mean For You?

If you are making changes, but you seem to just keep going back to square one, it may not be anything you are doing wrong. It may simply be that there is a hidden benefit to you having the problem.

Until you identify what that benefit is, and figure out another more positive way to get it, your unconscious is going to be fighting you every step of the way. And that my friend is a fight you can not win...

You will be far more powerful when you figure out what the hidden benefit is, and work WITH your unconscious to find a better way to get it. Do this and your unconscious will be working WITH you to conquer that other old habit / behaviour / belief / problem. Which is a sure-fire winning strategy every time :)

Today is the 3rd of September. Did you know today is skyscraper day? Yep, apparently it’s a day where we celebrate the achievements of building ever higher up into the sky.

For many, skyscrapers can be a thing of beauty or even a thing of prestige – let’s face it nobody aspires to having a penthouse suite on the ground floor, right?

But for many others skyscrapers can be a thing of fear, for many people have got fear of heights – even just the thought of setting foot on the 34th floor for that business meeting it’s enough to put them off even even attempting to go there.

Imagine what it’s like going through life with such a fear of heights that it puts you off, stops you attending business meetings, maybe stops you enjoying the things that others enjoy in life.

But see here’s the thing – if you have a fear of heights then the good news is just like every other fear, every other phobia, you can conquer it completely, 100%, permanently get rid of that fear once and for all.

Imagine what life would be like being able to face heights, to climb up high, to enjoy heights the way that so many others do.

You know, if it’s time for you to step out from imagining that and to make it reality then get in touch. Let’s help you find freedom from phobia – let’s help you turn transform your deepest fear into your greatest strength!

Pippa works with Brad Burton, the UK’s number one motivational business speaker. Part of her job is to facilitate Brad in going into corporates franchises and big businesses and organisations, to get him in to motivate their teams.

In order to drive the business, hey needed to change from being reactive, to being far more pro-active in approaching the sort of businesses which would benefit from Brad speaking to them.

Of course, this meant picking up the phone and making a lot more calls.

Unfortunately, like many people (you’d be surprised how many businesses suffer massively because of this), Pippa had a kind of fear about picking up the phone and making those calls to people who perhaps weren’t expecting a call from her.

So of course, those calls never got made.

Eventually, Pippa realised that if this was going to change, she had to Do Something about it.

She’d known me for a good couple of years, and knew what I did, so she got in touch and had an exploratory conversation to see if this was something with which I could help her. We explored her situation, and after agreeing to move forward, came up with a plan of action.

The very next day we had our proper session, over Zoom (handy given we live at opposite ends of the country) - a session which Pippa described as “mind-blowing!”.

As Pippa describes the session - 

We worked through everything that I had an issue with, and Keith brought forward some things I didn't expect. It was quite emotional but actually it was just incredible and after I came off the call with Keith I was fired up and I couldn't wait to get on with the calls - I started making them straight away! I actually quite enjoy making them, and actually the feedback from the phone calls I've been making is so positive that I wonder why I'd held off for so long. 

She goes on to say

Thank you so much Keith - honestly I wouldn't be doing it if I hadn't have that called you - and if anyone has a phobia about anything at all I cannot recommend them having a chat with you highly enough - you are incredible!

If you are curious about conquering your phone phobia (or any other phobia), find out more here.

In Her Own Words

https://youtu.be/CuiwyQ9myaY

Yes! It's the inevitable "Let's write a blog that somehow works a Game Of Thrones reference in and jump on the newsjacking bandwagon!" blog.

But it's probably not the blog you were expecting...

You see, this isn't going to be one of those "20 things I learned about from Game Of Thrones" sort of post.

(Don't worry, #NoSpoilers just in case you are one of the many who are still catching up with it).

The Problem

The series of 73 episodes across 8 seasons, which started on TV back in April 2011, drew to its conclusion with the last ever episode in May 2019. And by coming to a close, it now poses a small problem for some people.

No, I'm not talking about those who were quite to express their disappointment with the way the story ended, nor those who followed the show from the start and now have no more episodes to look forward to.

I am talking about a problem for a very different set of people indeed.

It has been hard not to notice, especially over the past 2 or 3 years, that every time a new season started there was a steady increase in the number of people who rushed to their preferred social media platforms to boast to the world that "I have never seen an episode of Game of Thrones".

It was pretty much impossible to escape the tireless posts from such people.

Which was a very curios thing for them to do, when you stop to think about it.

Why devote time and energy and effort into telling the world specifically that you did NOT watch one particular TV series?

Do those people keep us updated with a comprehensive list of every TV show they never watch? Do they ensure we are kept abreast of which music they choose to ignore, which films they avoid, which foods they make a point of not eating?

One can only hope not!

Why Do They Do It?

So why the need to boast about not watching this one particular TV show?

It does seem to be a peculiar way to identify oneself - not by what one likes or stands for, but by what one dislikes.

Obviously, the main reason most do it is because it is something many others do, so they feel they can be part of a group. Which does fill a basic human need, that of wanting to feel that one belongs.

It is, after all, something which drives so much of what we think, do, and say.

The only issue is that in cases such as these, they are focusing purely on what they dislike, on what they don't want.

Focusing on belittling the things which other people enjoy, rather than celebrating what they do enjoy.
Focusing on the negative, rather than the positive.
Bonding over what unites their dislike, rather than celebrating their unity of what they like.

Where's The Harm?

It seems harmless enough, right?

How you do anything is how you do everything

Where else in life are such people focusing on the negatives, focusing on what they don't want rather than what they do want?
And how is that showing up in the results they get in life?

"You are reading far too much into this Keith!" I hear you cry.

And maybe I am, of course.

But then again, where is the good in banding together to ridicule things others like, of uniting over a shared dislike, of focusing on the negative?
Surely letting people enjoy what they enjoy is more helpful?
Surely uniting around things you like, things which bring joy, things which embody positivity is a more helpful and ultimately uplifting way to live life?

Who knows.

So What's Their New Problem?

One thing is for sure - these people now have a problem. A problem which fans do not have.

Because now the show is over, they will quickly have to find another source of things to hate on, another popular thing to ensure they tell the world they dislike. And you can bet the grouping of "I've never watched G.O.T." will be a different grouping from the next "I've never watched" - especially as some will find they actually like the next target!

Which neatly illustrates the underlying problem of bonding around what one dislikes - then the thing disliked is ended, that bond dissolves.
Whereas those who bonded around their enjoyment of GOT (or anything else) will always have that bond of a shared love, shared experiences, and can spend (if they feel so inclined) the next days, weeks, months, even years, debating and discussing and reminiscing and generally maintaining that bond.

Where attention goes, energy flows and results show.

Are we going to get better results focusing on the negatives, or on the positives? Just a thought!

try |trʌɪ| verb
1 [ no obj. ] make an attempt or effort to do something.

Happy Star Wars Day!

May The Fourth Be With You and all that.

And what better day to take a look at exactly why Yoda was wrong and Homer was right...

Whether you are a fan or not of the Star Wars series of films, you have probably hear some of the famous quotes from it. I don’t just mean “May the Force be with you”.

In particular there is a quote which is often re-quoted time and time again around the planet, from the best of intentions. Sadly, this particular quote is actually not only wrong but very damaging in its implications.

I am referring to the famous quote from Yoda who tells us “Do or do not; there is no try.”

Of course, he is wrong.

Allow me to demonstrate.

Right now I invite you to try to raise your right arm? Go ahead, try to raise it, I’ll wait…

So, what happened? If you actually raised it, if your arm actually moved, then you failed in your task because you were not trying to raise it but rather you were raising it. Trying to raise it causes no action to happen. Have another go - try to raise your arm, try to raise it, only try, don’t actually raise it, but rather try to raise it. Remember that the instant you do raise it, you are not trying, you are doing. So go ahead and try.

See what I mean?

The intention behind Yoda’s quote when it is used in personal development or business development environments is a powerful enough one; when one tries, one isn’t actually doing.

Which is a powerful realisation in itself - how often do we say we will try to do something, but we never actually do it?

When we say we will try, we are really not committing to doing it; indeed, we are very often indicating (either consciously or unconsciously) that we won't actually do it, we'll just try.

Eliminating Try From Your Vocabulary.

There is a popular thing in many persona development and business circles which says that the way to overcome this is simply to banish the word from our vocabulary. The idea is that by banishing the word from one’s vocabulary one achieves better results.

However, there is a major problem with that, which simply removing the word “try” form one’s vocabulary does not address.

You see, whenever we attempt to deny the existence of something by pretending it doesn’t exist, we simply drive it underground. It doesn’t go away, it doesn’t disappear, and sooner or later it simply grows more powerful out of sight.

And so it is when we say “There is no such thing as try”.

Because clearly there is - if there was no concept of “try” then the word would never have existed; the existence of the word means that the concept exists, no matter how much we attempt to deny it.

The concept of trying very much exists. When we simply remove the word “try” from our vocabulary, we don’t actually eliminate the concept of trying from our repertoire.

Indeed, many people slip effortlessly into the habit of using alternative words such as attempt, endeavor, seek, strive, do my best, etc. Which is a very cute way of avoiding actually saying try - but the problem is that they all mean try!

Which means those people are still trying, but they now think they are not trying, so they don't even spot that they have fallen into the very trap they were trying (see what I did there?) to avoid in the first place!

Simply pretending that the word does not exist serves no positive benefit, and actually enables us to fool ourselves into thinking we are better off than we actually are.

So what about Homer?

Homer expressed it very well (albeit inadvertently) dispensing some fatherly advise to Bart when he said “You tried your best and you failed miserably; the lesson is - never try”. I am, of course, referring to Homer Simpson rather than the classical Greek poet, but even dysfunctional yellow cartoon characters can occasionally stumble upon wisdom!

As Homer says, "the lesson - is never try".

By which I mean don’t pretend that try doesn’t exist - instead fully acknowledge that it is a very real concept, not one to be ignored and swept under the carpet but rather one to be continually monitored and watched out for.

Instead of pretending that try doesn’t exist, and just using words like attempt as replacements, the most successful people maintain an awareness of the concept of try, and keep it very much in mind and make sure that they never express or embody try, attempt, seek etc.

What Can You Say Instead?

Now, if you like me want to avoid making commitments which you can’t be sure of fulfilling, how do you avoid even the concept of trying?

Let’s take the example of being asked to attend an important meeting but your calendar is already filled.

In the past, our immediate response might have been “I’ll try to reschedule my calendar”. This is, of course, laden with the inbuilt expectation of failure, so those who eradicate “try” from their vocabulary sooner or later fall into the practice of saying “I’ll attempt to reschedule my calendar”. Great, no use of the dreaded word, but the word “attempt” means the same thing!

And you want to avoid saying “I’ll reschedule my calendar” because, a this stage, you don’t know whether that will be possible (perhaps you have another vital meeting and you don’t know whether the other participants will be open to rescheduling, and you do not want to make a commitment you don’t know you can meet).

So what do you say?!

We make the commitment which we know we can meet. You might say “I will contact my other meetings and ask if they will agree to reschedule, and I’ll get back to you”.

Certainly it is longer than “I’ll try”. But it is something which you can guarantee you will do. It lets everyone know where they stand and sets expectations accordingly.

All whilst not sweeping “try” under the carpet and disguising it as “attempt”. Definitely a winning situation.

Remember, when Yoda says “There is no try”, he is wrong. Utterly, completely and dangerously wrong. As Homer Simpson rightly says, “The lesson is - never try”!

I was chatting with the wonderful Engel Jones a little while back (he's currently going for the world record for the most podcasts in 3 months). One of the topics we were talking about was our earliest memories. Talk about unexpected insights! It was one of those "Woah!" moments. Let me explain...

Childhood Memory

My earliest memory was from when I was about 2 years old. We used to live in an old farm house in the countryside. As such, it didn't have mains water supply. Instead, there was a pump in the pantry. It pumped water up from a spring at the foot of the garden.

To me, the pump was massive (I remembered it as being the size of our fireplace!), it made a fearsome noise, and it was (not to put too fine a point on it) utterly terrifying! I always remember that the pump scared me. I was unable to bring myself to enter the pantry - no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't ever bring myself to set so much as a single foot into that room.

Eventually, it was time for the family to move to a new village to start a while new set of adventures.

By this time, I was a big brave boy of 4; but even then I still could not bring myself to set foot in that room!

I kept telling myself I would do it before we left, but when the time came, I simply couldn't do it.

I would walk up to the door of the pantry, determined to finally face my nemesis. Heart pounding, scared but determined I could not leave this old home without facing down the source of my fear. Only for all my bravado to drain the moment I reached the door and saw IT.

I would freeze.

I felt the fear welling up inside; all the old terrors, fears, nightmares, and more.

And I would run away from the door, back into the safety of the house.

When we left the house for the final time, I had never managed to face my Nemesis. I had never managed to conquer that fear, and now I never would.

Many Years Later...

Many years later I finally mentioned this to my Dad (during one of our chats reminiscing about the Old Days).

Would you believe it?! It turns out that this huge monstrous pump was about 1 foot by 1 foot. Far from being huge, it was a tiny thing quietly pumping away to itself.

And what's more, he never realised that I was so terrified of the pump - mainly because I never told him about it.

As I shared these memories with Engel, I was hit with a sudden and massive thought - what if this was my earliest memory not through chance (as I'd always assumed), but it was actually my unconscious attempting to send me a message.

Sounds weird, right? I mean, what sort of message could anyone send my remembering a scary pump that wasn't scary after all?

And that's when it dawned on me.

I'd spent those couple of years being terrified of that pump, it was the scariest thing in my entire world, something I could never quite face, a fear which I could never conquer, something which stopped me from being able to enter the pantry.

And yet, the reality is, as I look back upon it, it was something very small and tame; it posed no threat to anyone at all (not even 2 year old me).

Not only that, but no matter how frightened I was by what I felt was a scary monster of a threat, there was a very simple way I could have made it safely into that pantry. All I needed to do was ask my Mum or my Dad to help. I know they would have taken me in, they'd have showed me there was nothing to be scared of. They would have helped me to put the "problem" into perspective and to overcome it.

What's This Really About?

And, of course, this is not about a pump at all.

The more I thought about it, the more I realised that it definitely seems that my unconscious has been trying to remind me for a long time now that when I feel that I am facing an insurmountable problem, or facing a deep-seated fear, then no matter how things seem, the reality is that it is never as bad, dangerous, complicated, scary or frightening as I think it is; looking back at the same situation from some point in the future will reveal that it was almost certainly an insignificant problem in the great scheme of things.

And, perhaps even more importantly, the realisation that I never have to face any situation on my own - there will always be people who I can call upon for help, people who can help me to find a way to completely conquer any situation, if only I actually just ask them!

Something For All Of Us

Isn't that true for all of us?

I mean, look back upon any of those times where you were facing a massive challenge of problem. With the benefit of hindsight, it's easy to see the reality. They were never as bad as they seemed at the time. And there were always sources of help, if only you'd asked.

When we ask for help, we an achieve so much more.

Even with fears.

I see it every time someone asks me to help them conquer their fears.

They start off with an often deep-seated fear, one which has been holding them back for far too long.

They end up removing that fear so completely that they are able to see and embrace the new possibilities life now has to offer.

And, crucially, they are able to appreciate and recognise that the source of their fear was never actually as big, bad, or dangerous as they'd felt at the time.

(They also usually express the wish that they'd come to see me about it years ago, interestingly!)

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"All problems are problems of the imagination; and all solutions are solutions of the imagination".

– Albert Einstein (paraphrased, at least)

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The Problem

Where ever you are right now, I'd like you to join me in a journey of the imagination! Let's pretend and imagine, just for a few moments...

• Imagine, if you will, that right now you are in a small room, maybe 2m x 2m and 2m tall.
• Imagine that room is empty except for you, there is nothing else at all in the room, just you.
• Imagine that the walls, floor and ceiling are absolutely solid and completely unbreakable. Not even a pneumatic drill or high explosives could dent it. Not that you have access to any of that.
• Imagine that there are no windows, no doors, no doorways, no holes or openings anywhere.
• Imagine that you are trapped there, and imagine that there really is absolutely no means of escape.

Really really imagine that, in all of its detail. Really focus -

• What do the walls look like?
• What texture if the floor? How light or dark is it?
• What, if anything, can you hear in that room?
• Is it warm or cold, damp or dry?
• Are there any smells?

Make it as vivid and real as you possibly can.

Now that you are imagining that you are trapped in an inescapable room, heres a question for you - how do you escape?

As you imagine that room with its solid floor, walls and ceiling, remember that there is no visible means of escape; there are no tools you can use; nothing to help you.

There's just you and your imagined unbreakable room.

So, how DO you get out?

The Solution

The answer is actually deceptively simple.

Stop imagining that you are trapped in an inescapable room!

OK, I can hear you groaning and quite possibly muttering "Cheat!", but you have to admit, that is the perfect solution.

Think about it for a moment. You imagined you were stuck in that room, right?
But here's the thing - in reality, were you actually, at any point, genuinely stuck with no means of escape?
No, of course not. You were just imagining you were stuck. Which means that at any time you could have left the place you were in. If you really wanted or needed to.

You imagined you were stuck - even though, clearly as you and I both know, you are not stuck in that room right now, nor were you at any time you were reading this. And so the most efficient way out of that situation is just to stop imagining it, right?

The prison in which you imagined yourself stuck was nothing more than a construct of your imagination, so obviously the easiest way to escape was to stop imagining it. Sure, you could have concocted all manner of weird and wonderfully complex scenarios which could have enabled you to engineer an escape eventually, but none of those were as quick or easy as simply stopping imagining you were trapped.

The Reality

Now that we look back over the scenario, the solution is completely obvious. However for most people who were imagining it, there seemed no way out.

Which is all too often sadly the case in our daily lives - far too many of us (and I've been there myself more times than I'd care to admit to!) find ourselves feeling trapped in all manner of situations and scenarios, with seemingly no way out.

When in reality, either there is an obvious way out, or we are not actually trapped at all, it is just a construct of our own wild imagination.

And that is especially true when we think of the things which scare us, the things of which we are afraid, our very own fears. All too often we construct elaborate scenarios around our fears, building that small escape-proof room in which to allow our fears to trap ourselves.

Which is where I come in! I help you to figure out what is actually going on, and I serve as your sat nav to find your path out of your situation and into the freedom of the situations you do what. Where your situation is one of pure imagination, I help you harness your wonderful imagination to enable you to break free; where your situation is one of mindset, I help you to develop and install (rapidly) the new helpful mindset you need.

It's time we had a chat, you and I.

A phobia expert from Elgin has helped a woman conquer crippling self-doubt to star in a prime time BBC reality show.

Millions watched when Franny Treymaine, a confirmed city dweller from Leeds, featured in the popular dating show Love in the Countryside, which helps farmers find romance.

In the run-up to filming the 37-year-old had sought help from Keith Blakemore-Noble.

Keith said: “When Franny started working with me there were some real nerves and confidence issues, but the coaching has made a massive difference. Because of the sessions Franny was able to really go through the whole show holding her head up high. Despite being kicked by a cow during early morning milking and facing the scrutiny of farmer Pete's friends and family, she dealt with the experience so well. I was really proud of her.”

Keith has also come a long way from the “painfully shy” schoolboy who once attended Speyside High School.

The 52-year-old recalls: “I originally chose a career in IT because you don’t have to interact socially with computers. That’s how shy I used to be. I ended up moving down to London and working in the IT sector for many years. Then finally, in 2010, the best thing ever happened to me. One day I was called into an office and my boss said, ‘Sorry Keith, we’re going to have to make you redundant. Here’s a good wodge of cash' It left me suddenly free to have a go at what I should have been doing all along.”

By this stage Keith had already undertaken several training courses to learn hypnotherapy. In addition, he had also begun studying a related technique called neuro linguistic programming, which is like hypnotism except it doesn’t involve putting people in a trance.

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Because of the sessions Franny was able to really go through the whole show holding her head up high

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He says: “The first day the other student I’d been paired with said, ‘you’re really good at this' - I just presumed that they were being polite so I replied, ‘thank-you, so are you' But then, as time went on, all these different people kept saying similar things. It’s then that I began to realise I might have a talent.”

Keith’s work now involves talking to his clients either online or face-to-face, and dispensing advice on his website.

He says: “Spiders, snakes, flying, dogs, dentists, it doesn’t matter what - I help people overcome their fears. So many of our attitudes and instinctive reactions have been shaped by our experiences as very young children and the things we observed.

“For example, our parents warned us never talk to strangers. That’s good and useful advise when you’re aged seven, but once you become an adult it’s no longer very helpful. Shyness can be the result of never moving past that. My work is replacing the bad and defensive emotions we feel in certain situations, with good and positive ones.”

This was originally published in The Northern Scot on 29th June 2018, by reporter Alistair Whitfield (a.whitfield@spp-group.com).

Original Press Cipping

Liz came to see me about her phobia of flying. She said that even the thought of going to the airport was extremely stressful for her, let alone actually sitting in the plane and taking off. As you can imagine, it was causing a real problem for the family when they went on holidays.

We had a chat about her situation, and discovered that there were actually two phobias working together here - not only did she have a phobia of flying, but she also had a phobia of heights!  Naturally this had an impact on flying, but it also had a big impact on more day-to-day activities, including driving over bridges...

I found that I couldn't go across a large bridge (living in Scotland there's quite a few!), so if I wanted to go to Edinburgh or Perth I had to have somebody with me to drive over the bridge.

By the time she came to me, Liz had tried several other courses and programs to overcome her phobia, especially around flying, all to no avail.

He really put me at ease, we had a lot of fun, and he explained everything to me; since I had the session, my fear has gone.

Prior to our work together, even just talking about flying or crossing a high bridge, Liz would show visible signs of discomfort and she felt her palms getting sweaty. After we'd completed the session together? She was perfectly happy to talk about them, and to imagine crossing high bridges, to imagine going on a long flight, and felt absolutely fine about it.  Quite a change!

A few weeks later, I got a message from a very excited Liz -

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"Keith just thought you would want to know I drove over the Perth bridge on Friday and today. I sailed over it without a hesitation or sweaty palms. I would also have done Forth Road Bridge if it had been open. I am cured  Big Thank you!".

– Liz Bruce, Moray, Scotland

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Best of all, just before Christmas Liz and her family flew down to London, and flight which Liz managed without any pills and without experiencing any of her old symptoms. Indeed, it wasn't until they were already in their London hotel after the flight down that Liz thought "I didn't take my pills before flying. Oh, I guess I don't need them anymore!"

In Her Own Words

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Rd1zGZdV70

"Hi my name is Liz, I'm from Scotland, and I had a terrible fear of flying and heights.

I've had it for many many years it got so bad that the thought of going on a plane, the thought of being in an airport, the take off, the whole flight was just extremely stressful for me, it wasn't enjoyable one little bit, and it seemed to be getting worse and worse as the years went on.

I had actually tried various other courses which I didn't feel had helped me.

I also have a fear of heights in particularly crossing bridges when I'm driving I have found that I couldn't go across a large bridge and living in Scotland there's quite a few so if I wanted to go over to Edinburgh or down to Perth I would have to have somebody driving with me or help me over the bridge.

I heard about Keith and decided that I would book a session with him so I met Keith and I found this session to be great - he really put me at ease. We had a lot of fun, he explained everything to me, what he was going to do and what the outcome would be and since I've had the session my fear is gone.

I had felt confident and right away I felt that my fear had gone and I don't know why, I can't really explain it, but when thinking about climbing up a hill or driving over a bridge or going on an airplane I don't feel anything. I feel fine. Before I used to feel very anxious, the heart would start racing just at the thought of it - that's all gone and I'm sure it's down to Keith.

I would highly recommend visiting Keith if you do have a phobia or a fear of something."

Need Some Help?

If you have a fear or a phobia which is holding you back, stopping you from doing the things you want in life, and you want to conquer it completely - just like Liz did - then I can help.

Check out Freedom From Phobia to explore your options, and get in touch - let's help you to conquer your fear once and for all!

Since I first started helping people to transform their deepest fears into their greatest strengths back in 2010, verything I do is about helping people to CHANGE.

Although any form of change can be scary at times, I've developed a strong 6-step framework for change which gives you the greatest chance for success, and the greatest ability to make the maximum positive change with the minimum necessary effort.

It forms the basis of the work I do with most of my clients, and I thought I'd share it with you here so that you can see how you can implement it in your own areas of change.

Step 1 - Clear the emotion

When we clear the underlying emotions, fear does not get a chance to develop.

Deep down, we are very emotional creatures. We are driven a lot by emotion - we seek to avoid or remove ourselves from situations which make us feel bad, and look to find and take part in things which make us feel good.

It is this emotion which can hold us back from doing things for fear of experiencing a bad result.

Or sometimes worse, it is emotion we hold about past events which causes us to avoid moving forward in the future.

For example, one client had been laughed at when they sang once at school in front of their classmates - which they carried with them ever since! The result was that despite them being an excellent singer, they could not bring themselves to perform in front of others - the emotion from way back was still affecting them.

We worked together to quickly release that old emotion, and suddenly all previous nerves about performing were permanently banished.

Step 2 - Harness new decisions

We can change the decisions we made in the past, and change the results we get.

It may sound strange, but we can change the decisions we made in the past!

This is because nothing which ever happens has an absolute meaning - indeed, nothing has any meaning but that which we ascribe it.

Something happens to us, we decide it must mean something, and go through life accordingly. But the reality is, it could "mean" whatever we choose it to mean.

Which is why we can change those decisions we made (you know, like "I'm not good enough", "People like me never succeed", "I don't deserve it" etc).

And when we change them, it has a massive effect for our lives for now and our new future.

Step 3 - Align your values

When we align everything we do, with everything that's important to us, we dissolve the barriers to our success.

Our values are things which are important to us - for example, they might include loyalty, health, happiness, justice, success, money, equality, anything which is important to us.

When we attempt to do something which is against our values, or is not supported by our values, then we create so many more artificial and real barriers to our own success.

By bringing everything we do in line with everything that is important to us (as well as addressing any conflicts within what is important to us), the two work together to propel us through any barrier we may think we face.

Step 4 - Notice your skill gaps

Often the biggest barrier to our success is knowing which skills we need.

Once we have cleared out the old emotional responses and the old disempowering decisions which were holding us back, and once we have aligned our values and our desired outcomes, the next step is to take stock of where we want to go, what skills we need to take us there, and compare those against our existing skills (and knowledge).

By doing this, we can quickly identify those areas in which we need to develop our skills or knowledge.

It is important to do this only after the first three steps, of course, so that we are not being artificially held back!

Step 5 - Gain your new skills

Once you know what you need to know, gaining those skills brings about massive results, very quickly.

Once you know which skills you need to gain, it becomes merely a matter of finding out how you can learn them, and then polishing them.

You might look to enrol in a local college, or to hire a coach or mentor in those areas, or to do your own self-study and research.

Or you might even ask friends or others who already have those skills, and find out what they do, how they do it, and study them to figure it out.

Step 6 - Engage your new life

Once you have made changes and put these new things in place, it's time to truly engage with your new life and live it the way you always wanted to.

Engage in those new skills, following those new dreams, achieving those new goals.

Remembering, of course, that this is a process of constant measuring and checking to see that you are on course and to adjust course accordingly. The beauty here is that no longer are you wondering whether you can do something, you are too busy enjoying the process of making the journey itself work.

 

This is the 6-step model I have used to make my own changes to my life, and which I use with clients to help them to make massively successful changes in their lives.

You are welcome to use this same model for the changes you want to make in your own life, or if you'd prefer then you and I can use it together to help you to make the changes you want to make.

So, when are you going to be your change?

It costs us so much, both in terms of money and health. And yet for many it feels really hard to quit smoking without some sort of help.

This was the position Ben found himself in - he'd tried many times to quit, always unsuccessfully - sure, he'd stop for 2 or 3 days, but he would be back smoking again.

Like many, Ben had heard of the success people have turning to hypnosis for quitting smoking, and as Ben and I have known each other for a few years, he confided that it was time to quit properly and could I help him.

So that's what we did.

He recorded a very enthusiastic video about how he was finding life without smoking over a month later - already 20 times longer than he'd been able to go without cigarettes before.

He was particularly happy to not be using gum or patches or vaping, but rather to have completely quit smoking entirely. Even when he was around others who were smoking (which can be particularly challenging for the newly quit ex-smoker!).

If that's the kind of success you are looking for when you quit smoking, let's chat!

(Interesting point to note, in the years since I helped Ben quit, I've improved the entire process and made it even more powerful with even deeper change, to help you out regardless of your level of smoking, provided you are committed to quitting).

In His Own Words

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrsI4N4QVkg

"Hello, my name's Ben Shorter, and this is a testimonial for the awesome Keith Blakemore-Noble, so I went to Keith recently for hypnotherapy to give up smoking. It was finally time - I tried things before my heart wasn't in it, but this time I was really ready for it. I don't know the best thing to do.

Every time I've tried to give up smoking in the past, it was one to three days maximum. That was one of those are always had a roll up hanging out of my mouth between 10 and 30 day. Any situation on the phone walking to the bus stop cooking. I always found an excuse to smoke.

It's now been four and a half weeks smoke free, no nicotine replacement, no vaping, no gum, no patches, no willpower even, I just don't have the urge to smoke.

I can still hang out with my friends outside a pub with them smoking and not feel inclined to have one is madness. No one expected it to happen because I was the worst. I was always the one smoking.

It's change everyone's perception of me. It's making me feel so much better in my house. And despite trying these things that never worked for me before I went to Keith, I was like, I want us to solve this. And it's only taken him 45 minutes to completely change my associations

If you want to give up smoking him, you need to speak to Keith Blakemore-Noble. He is an absolute wizard at this stuff. Thank you so much, Keith."

When it comes to weightloss, everyone is different.

For some people, it's just a single tweak they are seeking, and they are on their way.

For others, there are several different issues which all need to be fully addressed if they are to work together in harmony and get the desired results - here it's no use addressing just one issue and leaving the others unresolved, as they will just continue to work against your desired goals.

When Juliette came to be, she had several different aspects which all needed to be addressed.

• She wanted to cut out eating chocolate without feeling she was denying herself a pleasure.
• She wanted to drink more water without having to keep thinking about it.
• She wanted to have much better consistency in terms of daily meals - both what was in them, and just ensuring she ate regularly.

Working together, we devised a plan which we worked through over the course of 3 sessions.

First, we worked on that chocolate addiction.

When there's a food which we love a little too much, it can be tricky. If we just decide to avoid it, then we risk the cravings kicking in and binging.

As Juliette said in her own words, "I would go through bags of chocolate like these small little KitKats, and I would actually eat two bags before I realised that I'd stuffed all of this down my throat".

We worked to change Juliette's unconscious perception off chocolate, so that now she sees it as something far less desirable. The choice to eat or not to eat is there, but she just doesn't fancy the idea of chocolate.

So not eating chocolate no longer felt like a hardship, no longer feels like denying herself something tasty, and so avoiding chocolate is so much easier. Indeed, the thought of eating chocolate just doesn't arise any ore.

Then we worked on the meal discipline.

This focused on two different aspects - regular set meal times, and improving the content of the meals.

With both of these in place, eating regular balanced meals became a pleasure rather than a chore. But ensuring she automatically ate regular meals and didn't skip them when busy, Juliette has been able to significantly reduce her snacking in the process, which as you can imagine has massive benefits!

Finally, water consumption.

Most of us know the importance of drinking enough water each day - benefits range from reducing appetite to healthier skin, to increased energy / stamina / concentration, to helping to naturally flush out unhelpful tonics from our system, and so much more.

Most of us also, if we are honest with ourselves, would admit that oftentimes we struggle to ensure we actually drink enough water. Juliette was no exception.

She knew how much she wanted to drink, she had some ideas on how she might do that, but everyday life has this habit of getting in the way, doesn't it?

So we did some mindset work together, tweaking things slightly, and now she has no problem drinking enough water every day without even having to think about it, and certainly without it being a chore.

The results.

By the end of our sessions together, Juliette felt that she had what she'd been seeking - choice.

"it's giving me actually choice where before there was no choice. For me it's been very much about bringing that degree of consciousness into my food patterns.".

If you want help losing weight or improving your eating habits, let's have a chat.

In Her Own Words

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_zHD_levNw

"Hi, my name is Juliet Kahraman, I work with Keith on bringing some consciousness into certain foods that I was bingeing on - I would go through bags of chocolate like these small little KitKats, and I would actually eat two bags before I realised that I'd stuffed all of this down my throat.

So we did the first session where we actually substitute chocolate with something which I find disgusting.

I now see chocolate and I'm conscious of "Oh, that's chocolate. Do I want it? Do I not want it?" So it's giving me actually choice where before there was no choice.

For me it's been very much about bringing that degree of consciousness into my food patterns. So where I have a choice instead of just having a behaviour which is an addiction.

The same with water. I wasn't drinking enough water and now I'm actually conscious where my body's asking for it.

I would definitely recommend working with him and see if you can figure out where where he can help you."

Ruta Kaite has trained as a singer (at some very impressive schools, I should add). Unfortunately, like a great many of us, she found that she was still unable to pursue her dream because of nagging doubts and a lack of self confidence and self-belief.

She wanted to become a professional performer, singing from stage to audiences; however, even the thought of it made her nervous as she kept thinking that she was no good, and was deeply worried by what other people would say - after all, who did she think she was to dare to dream to sing from stage to appreciative audiences?!

Having searched extensively for help to conquer her fears and doubts and feelings of not being good enough, Ruta got in contact with Keith, and after a short telephone chat they agreed to meet up for an initial session in London. In Parliament Square, to be exact (hey, why not?)

Initially, even just the thought of singing something there made Ruta feel really uncomfortable and it was definitely not on the cards.

However, after just a single hour (their first session working together), the work they did lead by Keith had enabled Ruta to feel so much more confident and empowered, and to truly believe in her own talents, that she happily performed an impromptu a cappella rendition of a Beyoncé song right there and then, in Parliament Square, with a plentiful supply of tourists passing by and even watching & listening. What's more, not only was she confident and comfortable (and a great singer), she even enjoyed performing there.

All after just a single hour together!

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"After one hour of the session, I feel much more confident within myself and my signing ability; I’m looking forward to working with Keith to completely get rid of that fear and to stand on stage with a big audience and actually let my voice go".

– Ruta Kaite, London, UK.

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If you realise that it's time for YOU to reclaim YOUR confidence, then get in touch and let's get you going!

In Her Own Words

https://youtu.be/UW9IDEMABEA

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

Introducing David

David, like many people in this country (perhaps more than you might at first think), used to suffer from arachnophobia which is defined as an intense and irrational fear of spiders.

Of course, even though David knew his fear was totally irrational (he described it as such himself), it didn’t make it any less real for him. As anyone with any phobia will certainly be all too aware, the phobia is irrational but very real and its effects can have quite an impact on the sufferer’s life.

However, whereas in ages past it would have taken years of psychotherapy just to reach the stage of being able to cope with the symptoms of the phobia, these days advanced tools are available which can help one to cure one’s phobias in under an hour; a far ore agreeable outcome I’m sure you’ll agree, and one which we got when David and I worked together on his phobia, as he explains –

The process was simple, in a relaxing environment we sat and talked. It was a completely painless process, relaxed and open, we went back and got to the bottom of why I was afraid of spiders.
And now I just feel total apathy toward spiders. If a spider were to walk across the floor now I’d just sit there and think “Oh, it’s a spider”.
I would completely recommend Keith to anybody.

The Solution

The whole process took less than an hour, and was successfully carried out in the comfort of David’s own home.

A couple of weeks later David encountered his first spider since losing his arachnophobia.  What happened?  In David’s own words –

I calmly got a bit of bathroom tissue, picked it up and disposed of it (the spider). 3 weeks ago I’d have been a quivering wreck and screaming a my partner to get rid!
I feel so empowered; thank you Keith for helping in conquering my phobia.

Do you know of someone who has a phobia? (Perhaps you know them very well). A great many people do have them, and they can cause a lot of problems sometimes on a daily basis. Just imagine how much of a difference that would make to one’s daily life to spend an hour to become completely free from that phobia?  Check the Freedom from Phobia section to find out more.

In David's Own Words

https://youtu.be/fRBe6euY1i0

Hello, I’m David. I’m 45 and kids come to see me today about a totally irrational fear of spiders, and if I saw a spider, I would just just freeze. I’d have to get my partner to come and get rid of generally just totally freak out. At the sight of one person is very simple, literally just in a relaxing environment. SAT down and just talked and went quite in-depth, going far back as to why I had this fear of spiders. And eventually so like we think we got down to the bottom of it, quite frankly, just I feel totally ambivalent to them. It’s like I just feel at the moment for spiders to walk across the floor. I would just sit there and go over the spider walking across the floor. It’s a completely painless process. Everything is completely relaxed and open. And I completely recommend to anybody.