Introduction
Welcome to The Overachievers Podcast, for those times when achieving everything is still not enough.
You know your work stands up. You could defend every part of it to anyone who asked. And yet when someone suggests you put yourself forward, for a speaking slot, an award, or a project that needs leading, a single line on a form can stop you completely.
So you prepare. You cover every question and every objection, and putting your hand up still feels every bit as risky as it did before you started.
In this episode, I share the story of an award entry I never sent, and what changed the year I finally filled in every box. We look at the difference between the risk you prepare for and the risk you feel, and why being seen to want something can feel so much more exposed than being judged on the work…
And if you’d like to explore this in much greater depth, looking at the decisions running underneath the choice to be seen or not, and looking at the cost of remaining in the background, then that’s what “Being Seen on Purpose” in The Overachievers Club explores. See you there?
Key Themes
- The risk your preparation never reaches
- Why a one-line form stops you
- Being judged versus being seen to want
- When the work did the wanting
- The judgement you rarely hand out
Timestamps
- 0:00 Why a single line can stop you
- 1:53 Prepared for everything, still uneasy
- 3:43 The award entry I never sent
- 7:12 Where exactly did you stop?
- 8:12 The risk you prepare for and the risk you feel
- 11:29 Why wanting feels so exposed
- 15:22 Naming the real risk
- 17:02 Fair enough, when it’s someone else
- 20:20 A question to take with you
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Transcript
This is the Overachievers Podcast for people who want success without the burnout. You know your work stands up. You could defend every part of it to anyone who asked. So why can a single line on a form stop you completely? Welcome to the Overachievers Podcast with Keith Blakemore-Noble. Because success shouldn’t cost everything. Hello, welcome back. I’m Keith Blakemore-Noble, the Overachievers Coach, and welcome to episode 42, Why Being Seen Feels Risky. In the previous episode, we looked at the visibility gap.
We looked at the distance between how good your work is and how known it is, and we looked at how small a step to start closing that gap can really be. A few sentences in your own name, putting your hand up. Which leaves an awkward question. If the step is that small, Why does it feel so uncomfortable? And that’s what I want to look at today. What is actually at stake when you put your hand up and why? Especially for capable people, because it is very rarely anything to do with the work itself. Now, before we go any further, if you haven’t already, do follow or subscribe on whatever platform you’re listening to this on. That way, the next episode, simply turns up without you having to do anything. Think about the last time someone invited you to put yourself forward for something.
A speaking slot, an award, being on a panel, a project that needed someone to lead it. Somebody said you should go for that. So think of the last time that happened and then think about what You did next. If you’re like most of the capable people that I work with, you started preparing. You went through it looking for weak spots, you know, things like, what if they ask about this? Or what if somebody challenges that? What if the person reviewing it knows more than I do about one particular item? And then you shored each of those up, which you do very well because you know your stuff. And here’s the interesting part. You found you could answer pretty much all of those points. You know your subject.
Your track record is real and proven. Every objection you could think of, you could handle. And yet the discomfort didn’t change. You’d prepared for everything, and putting your hand up still felt every bit as risky as it did before you started. Sounds familiar, right? And that, that, my friend, is worth paying to. When preparation is aimed at the right thing, you can feel it working. The risk shrinks the more you prepare. So when you’ve covered everything, but that feeling of risk hasn’t shifted at all, well, that’s a pretty good sign that you are preparing for a risk That was never the thing that was making you uncomfortable.
Let me tell you, let me tell you about the time that I did exactly that. A few years ago, I was invited to apply for a business award. Very flattering. Somebody thought my work was worth putting forwards. And hey, you know, if I’m going to be open about it, I kind of agreed with them. It was very flattering to be asked. So obviously I sat down, opened the entry form. Let’s have a look.
Name, no problem. Business, easy. A description of what I do, sorted. And then I reached the sections asking me to list my accomplishments and to say why I should be the award winner. I’ve got to say, I hated those questions. You may find yourself thinking the same. I had no trouble finding things to put in. I knew what I’d done.
I’ve been doing it for years. years and the results were there in black and white proof from testimonials from countless clients. If anyone had questioned a single thing I put down there, I could have backed it up, no problem. I just couldn’t bring myself to write it. I’d open the form, I’d look at the box asking why I should be the winner, and then I’d find something more pressing to do instead. I kept doing that until the deadline came and went, and I never submitted the form. The person who won obviously had filled theirs in, and I’ll admit I did feel a little bit about that, which was rather rich of me given I hadn’t even actually entered. The next year, the next year I was invited again, and this time I made myself complete it, every section, including that horrible section about why I should be the one to win.
And then something unexpected happened in the process of doing this. Sitting down and writing out what I’d achieved, well, it turned out to be a rather good ego boost. But more than that, much more than that, it reminded me of the difference that my work had made. And it reminded me of what the people that I had worked with had gone on to do, things that I had known, but I’d pretty much forgotten because I’d been so busy getting on with the next thing and the next thing and the next thing. So that was pretty interesting. But the part that stayed with me, that came afterwards when I looked back at the year that I hadn’t entered. My achievements were never in doubt. I knew them that first year exactly as well as I knew them the second time round.
Nothing about the work had changed between those 2 years. What changed was that the second time round, I was willing to say in writing with my name attached to it that I would like to win this. I feel I deserve to win this. And to let the judges and anyone else involved know that I wanted this. That’s what was different. That was the risk that I had been avoiding the entire time. And it was all in the wanting, absolutely nothing to do with the work itself. So let me, let me ask you this.
Think of the last time you held back from putting your hand up for something that you would have been good at. It could be in a role, could be a slot, an introduction, a conversation with someone who could have opened a door for you, whatever it was. Where exactly did you stop? My guess, my guess is you got through the parts about the work and the evidence without too much trouble. And you stopped somewhere around the point where you would have had to Say plainly that you wanted this. Take a moment to let that, to let that filter through before we go on. The point you stopped was probably around the point where you had to say in writing or verbally, you actually had to commit to saying, I want this. Which brings us Neatly to the distinction at the heart of all of this. There’s the risk you prepare for, and then there’s the risk that you feel.
The risk you prepare for is being judged on the work. Somebody questions your thinking, somebody picks a hole in your argument, somebody finds a gap in your experience. Now, for capable people, the risk is real, and it is eminently manageable. You’ve been judged on your work your entire life. Exams, appraisals, client feedback, the colleague who reads your report with the red highlighter pen. You know how it goes. You can prepare for it. The preparation works.
And that’s why preparation is where you instinctively go on things like this. The risk that you feel, that is far more personal. The risk is being seen to want something. The slot, the attention, the award, to be the one who gets chosen. It’s the moment somebody sees your name on the list and thinks, ah, they wanted this. That’s the risk that you feel. And those 2 risks They are very different. They behave very differently.
The work, that can be defended. It’s outside of you. It has standards that it meets or doesn’t meet, but it’s not inside. It’s not part of you. It’s outside. It’s separate from you. The work either meets the standards or it doesn’t. If someone criticizes it, you can point to the evidence.
You can improve it, or you can disagree. There is somewhere for the criticism to hit. And that somewhere isn’t you. It’s the work. Wanting— well, wanting has none of that. There is no standard for wanting to meet. There is no evidence that makes wanting more legitimate. You can’t revise it into a stronger version or back it up with a reference.
It’s simply yours. And once your hand is up, It is on display. The fact that you want this thing is on display for people to see, which is exactly why preparation never makes putting your hand up feel any safer, because you are protecting and shoring up a part that was never under threat, whilst the part that feels exposed Can’t be prepared for at all because there is nothing to prepare for it. I mean, you could double the presentation and still feel just as uncomfortable because the thing making you uncomfortable was never on that list that you were preparing. Now, there is nothing wrong with preparing. Well, absolutely nothing wrong with preparing. It’s one of the reasons that your work is as good as it is. What is worth knowing is which risk that preparation is attempting to mitigate.
So why does feeling— sorry, so why does wanting feel so exposed, particularly for people who are good at what they do? There’s the paradox. Why does wanting feel so— make you feel so exposed, especially when you are really good At what it is that you do? Well, part of this is down to how you have been chosen up until now. Think about it. For most of your working life, being chosen has followed the work. You did the work well and somebody picked you. The promotion, that came because of the results. The client came because someone recommended you. You never had to ask.
So you never had to be seen asking. Now that arrangement has a hidden benefit. When the work does the choosing, it also does the wanting on your behalf. Nobody needs to know that you were hoping for the promotion because it arrived on merit. Your wanting, your desire for it, Stays private. The only thing that’s seen is the result. Putting your hand up and saying, I want this, that reverses the order. The wanting goes first and it is public.
And the work, that follows behind as supporting evidence. Now, for someone who has always let the work go first, that can feel unnerving. It can feel like you’re stepping out from protection, stepping out from COVID It’s an open firing range. And the other part is what wanting says. You see, criticism of your work says something about the work. We’ve covered this in previous episodes. Criticism about your work says something about the work. It doesn’t say anything about you.
Whereas being seen to want something Now that does say something very specifically about you. It says, this matters to me. It says, I believe I am worth choosing. And it says very clearly, unequivocally, I like this and I’d like you to give it to me. Now you might be perfectly comfortable being known as good at what you do. And yet still find being known as someone who wants things to be a very different matter altogether. The two are totally separate things. There’s a reason this hits so much closer to home than being judged on the work.
Unfortunately, it’s not something we’ve got room to explore properly here. It is the sort of thing that we look at in Being Seen on Purpose, a course within the club. It goes into it in a lot more depth. than just this one episode allows. Check the show notes, you’ll be able to find some more details about that if that’s the sort of thing that would appeal. You can also notice that the discomfort has very little to do with the size of the step. A one-line form can feel much, much heavier than a 40-minute talk because the talk, that’s mostly work. The form is almost entirely you wanting, which is why the smallest acts of visibility, the kind we talked about in the previous episode, they can be the hardest steps to take.
They’re the ones with the least work in them that you can hide behind. It’s all about you, not the work. So, okay, what do you do with all this? Well, I am certainly not going to suggest that you start announcing what you want to everyone you meet. That ain’t going to help anyone. The first shift is simply to name the risk accurately. Awareness, it’s always a great first step. The next time you notice yourself hesitating over putting your hand up and saying, I want this, just ask yourself, What exactly is the risk that I’m feeling here? If your answer is about the work, hey, test it. Could you defend that aspect of the work? And my bet is you absolutely could.
And if you could defend every single line and yet it still feels risky, hey, my friend, you have found the real risk. Saying that to yourself plainly, well, that does kind of clear things a bit, gets rid of some of the fog. You stop trying to fix a problem with the work because that problem doesn’t exist for the work. Second shift is to notice exactly what you’re preparing for. What is the preparation for? Preparation that makes the work better, is doing its job. Absolutely. And continue with it. Preparation that carries on after the work is ready, hey, that is worth noticing and asking, which risk is this preparation trying to cover? Third shift you can make is look at how you see other people who put their hands up.
So think of someone who put themselves forward for something and got it. Did you think any less of them for wanting it? Probably not. Most people, when they stop to consider it, find that they don’t think any less of that person. If anything, hey, it seemed fair enough. They wanted it, they were good enough, they asked, they got it. That seems fair. I mean, yeah, I was a little bit ugh toward the person who won the award, but not once did I think any less of them for entering it. They won it, they deserved it, and good for them.
Good luck to them for saying, I want this, here’s why, and getting it. I admired and respected them for that. The judgment that you are bracing for, it’s one that you very rarely hand out yourself, and it’s one that other people very, very rarely ever use or make. The last thing you can shift that you can make, it’s— so the last shift is something that I found the second time round when I was asked to apply for the award, you know, when I actually did complete all the all the entry. Writing down what I’d done, saying that I’d— and saying that I would like this recognised, it actually turned out to be a lot less exposing than I’d feared it would, and it also turned out to be a lot more useful than I expected. Wanting something that you’re good at is an ordinary Reasonable thing. I’m good at this, I want to be recognised for it. Why wouldn’t you? Being seen to want that is simply what it takes for you to be considered at all.
Wanting it, perfectly ordinary. In order to be considered for it, you have to let others know that you want it. In the next episode, We’re going to look at the cost of staying unseen. We’re going to look at what staying in the background has already cost you. And we’re going to look at, look at why nobody actually tends to add that up and look at it. I have a good reflective question to leave you with for this episode. In the meantime, just before I do, if any of this feels familiar, and if any of this is striking home, a review or a rating on your Your preferred platform really helps other people find the show. Do share this with someone.
Share this with someone who has a form that they’ve been meaning to send. And if you haven’t already, follow or subscribe so that you’re here for the next one. Also head over to KeithBN.link/TOP. You’ll find all of the episodes. Find this episode, you’ll find the show notes along with some additional resources that are worth exploring. But for now, here’s the question I would like to leave you with. Think of the thing that you would most like to put your hand up for right now. What’s the thing you would most want? The thing you would most, most want to say, hey, yes, I deserve that.
I would like that, please. If nobody could fault any of your work around this, What would still stop you from saying, I want it? Something to think about for over the, over the coming days. I’ll leave you with that. I’m Keith Blakemore-Noble, the Overachievers Coach, and I will be your guide as we explore a healthier way to succeed.
