Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:00:14]:
You’re listening to the Keith Blakemore Noble Radio Show. Interesting chats with interesting people about interesting things and no adverts. Here’s your host, Keith Blakemore Noble. Hey. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:00:35]:
Welcome back. Welcome back to another episode, a solo episode of the Keith Blakemore Noble Radio Show. In this episode, we’re looking at conflicts, types of conflict, where it arises from, steps we can take to avoid or resolve conflict, which we’re gonna keep it light. We’ve we’re just gonna, touch on some of the some of the key pointers here. Went into a lot more depth in this in one of the modules in, my online community. But I just thought you’d find it interesting if we explored, at least a little bit about this. So let us dive in and take a look. And remember, you can catch this, catch this episode as all the all the episodes on all the major podcast platforms, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, Audible, Spotify, YouTube.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:01:21]:
Anywhere you get podcasts, you can find this. Please, if you enjoy this, please do remember. Give us a like, a comment, a share. Remember to subscribe. Give us a review on your favourite platform. It all helps to increase, the spread of the show so that more people get to find it and, enjoy it and learn from it. So let us dive in. Conflict, I mean, conflict is it’s an inevitable part of life.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:01:51]:
No matter how much we’d, like to try and avoid conflict, it will happen. It’s an inevitable part of life wherever individuals or groups have different needs, different beliefs, different goals. It can show up in many, many different forms, interpersonal dis disputes, organisational disagreements. And understanding the nature of conflict is crucial to help us to, resolve it effectively. So first things first, let’s take a look at conflict. I mean, the when we talk about conflict, there’s three really three different kinds of conflict that we’re gonna, explore here. We’ve got interpersonal conflict. Now this could be or this would typically be disagreements between individuals, such as arguments between friends, disagreements between family members, differences of opinion between colleagues.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:02:53]:
Anywhere you have individuals or groups of people with, disagreements, arguments, different views, different goals, different perspectives, interpersonal conflict. Then you have intrapersonal conflict, and this is internal struggles within an individual, such as indecision or conflicting desires. And then we have organisational conflict, Disputes between or within organisations. And organisations, whatever form you want to talk with these, it could be social, it could be businesses, it could be nations. Disputes within or between organisations often involving issues like, resource allocation, leadership, strategic direction. The three broad kind of different types of conflict that we can get. So what causes conflict? Because when we understand the root causes of conflict, then that can help us to address it more effectively. Five different major common causes of conflict.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:04:12]:
I’ll start with probably one of the biggest ones, miscommunication. Poor communication, misunderstandings, this can lead to confusion. It can lead to disagreements. We see it happen so often at all levels, miscommunication, misunderstandings of, what was said, what was intended. It’s woven throughout, throughout literature. Countless examples of entire plots built around miscommunication. It’s everywhere. It’s everywhere.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:04:50]:
Differing values is another common cause of conflict, and it can arise where individual or groups have got different values, different beliefs, different priorities. Different things are important to them, and that can create tension. That can create conflict. Create massive conflict. Another source is competition, where this could be where groups, individuals, organisations, whatever, you’re competing for limited resources, or you’re competing for recognition, or even competing for power. All of these can create friction, which can lead to conflict. Then we’ve got, personality clashes. Differences in, personality, differences in working style, all these can result in conflicts, particularly in collaborative environments.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:05:55]:
Happens a lot in businesses, in offices. You’ve probably seen it, if not experienced it, where two people have very different personalities, and they just clash. They just clash. It’s not it’s just their personalities are different. Their working styles are different, and it just creates all manner of conflict, all manner of problems. And then a fifth major source of conflict, unmet needs. Unmet needs. This would be where, perhaps people’s need for respect or their need for security or their need for inclusion, their need for, adequate compensation.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:06:43]:
Whatever their needs are, they’re not met. And when you have unmet needs, this can result in conflict. So that’s five, common causes of conflict. Five major common causes of conflict. Now we know the the, the the impact conflict can have can be negative, can also create positive outcomes. So typical negative outcomes of conflicts, stress and anxiety, unresolved conflicts, masses of stress, anxiety, ding decrease in overall well-being. It can lead to the breakup of relationships. It can damage relationships, lead to them breaking down completely.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:07:38]:
And it can really ends particularly in organisations, conflict can lead to decrease in productivity. Conflicts, they’re basically taking your time and resources away from tasks. It can reduce cooperation. Miss, reduction in trust makes it so much harder to cooperate. Productivity suffers as a result. However, conflicts can be an opportunity for positive outcomes when they’re managed correctly. How? Well, when you manage, conflicts effectively, it can lead to new ideas. It can lead to innovation.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:08:20]:
It can create problem solving. All of this can bring innovation and growth. Another way, that, that, you can get positive outcomes is just the very act of resolving a conflict often requires deep communication. And that in turn, well, that can improve understanding. It can strengthen relationships. When you realise you’re all fighting for the same thing for the same cause, you realise there’s so much more that unites you, that divides you. It can result in improved understanding. It can also be a good source for personal development, personal growth, because facing and resolving conflicts helps us to build resilience.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:09:09]:
It helps to build our emotional intelligence, helps us develop our in interpersonal skills, all of which leads us to grow and develop, in a personal capacity. So with all that said, let’s take a look at the role of self awareness in conflict resolution. So self awareness is, I mean, why self awareness? Well, one of the first step to resolving something is is being aware of it, and our self is, or plays a massive part in conflicts, both in the the, in the conflict and in resolutions of conflict. So self awareness is it’s that ability that we have to observe and to understand our own thoughts, our emotions, our behaviours. And when we can understand observe and understand these in the context of conflict, that can help us to recognise our own triggers, our own habitual responses, and it helps us to manage our reactions and to engage in a more productive, more constructive manner. There are different styles of conflict, and through our own self awareness, we can become aware of our preferred, for want of a better word, style of conflict. I don’t mean we prefer conflict. What I mean is the, the style of conflict that we tend to naturally fall into.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:10:54]:
And we’ll look at different types of conflict, different styles of conflict in just a couple of moments. But by being self aware, we can become more aware of our conflict styles. And that enables us to choose strategies which can help be more effective at resolving disputes, which leads to better outcomes for all concerned. So what do I mean by conflict style? There are five common conflict styles, and the conflict style is the way in which you react, respond, behave when you’re in a conflict situation. There are five different main styles. We’ve got avoiding, avoidance. And this is where you’ll, sidestep the conflict, hope it’ll resolve itself. You try and keep active in the way of the conflict, That that avoidance conflict avoidance.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:11:58]:
We’ve got, accommodating. So avoidance, you’ll do whatever it takes to avoid conflict. Accommodating, you’re giving to the other person’s demands to keep the peace. And that’s a common phrase that people who have an accommodating conflict style will use. Oh, anything to keep the peace. So it’s not the same as avoiding. You’re in the conflict, but you’ll do whatever it takes. You’re giving to the other’s demands.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:12:23]:
You do whatever they say just to keep the peace, just to keep it. Yeah. Then we’ve got, competing. And this is where you are gonna push and assert your own needs at the expense of others. We’re doing it my way. Get what I want to heck with what everyone else wants. What’s in it for me? What do I get out of this? I want it all. It’s a competing style of conflict.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:12:57]:
Then we have, compromising. That is where you aim to find a middle ground. Find a middle ground. The thing with comp, with compromising conflict style is in finding the middle ground, all parties have to give up something. So although you resolve the conflict in a very real way, everybody loses because you all lose something. And then we’ve got the fifth, conflict style, collaborative. Collaborating. And this is where you all work together to create a win-win situation.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:13:41]:
You create a way where everybody wins. Everybody comes out better as a result. If you can get everybody into a collaborating conflict style, that is amazing. You can create amazing results. The beauty of it is nobody loses. Everybody wins. So the question for you, what is your conflict style? What is your conflict style? You’ve you probably don’t know the answer at this point because you probably never thought of it. Why would you? So what I’d like to invite you to do is just take a moment to, think of a recent conflict that you had.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:14:26]:
Think of a recent conflict that you had and kind of observe it as like a dispassionate third person, third party, as if you’re watching it on a on a screen. You’re watching a film of these individuals in this conflict. The one who’s playing your character, what style are they using in that conflict? Are they avoiding it, doing everything they can to avoid getting into the conflict? Are they, doing whatever? It’s giving in to the other’s demands just to keep the peace. Are they competing? Are they pushing for what they want to heck with anyone else? Are they sort of helping everyone to figure out something they can give up so they find the common ground? Or are they encouraging everyone to work together to create a win-win situation for all concerned? What’s your conflict style? Something to have a think about. You might have worked that now, or it might be something to ponder and consider and to work on. After they, after listening to this podcast, figure out your conflict stuff. Because once you’re aware of it, things can start to make a lot of sense. You can certainly start to find ways to, to resolve conflicts.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:15:48]:
I mean, if you notice that, hey. I’m always in a I’m always in a competitive conflict style. I’m always competing. I’m always pushing for what I can get. Now I’m aware of that. I wonder, what if I what if I aim for a more collaborating one? Yes. I want to get what I wanna get, but how can I get that and help the other person to get what they want? Because when you start to do that, everybody is then working toward the solution rather than fighting each other. Self awareness.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:16:18]:
What is your conflict style? So communication. Let’s have a let’s talk a little bit about communication. How communication, as we as we saw earlier, is at the root cause of so many conflicts. Effective communication is at the heart of resolving conflicts. Clear and, empathetic dialogue allows us to understand the perspectives, and the needs of everyone involved. And this helps to to pave the way for constructive solutions. So why is effective communication important? We’ve just touched on it. It’s because communication is the bridge that connects us with others.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:17:12]:
During conflicts, this bridge can, either facilitate mutual understanding or it can exacerbate misunderstandings. So effective communication makes sure that everybody’s heard, everybody’s feelings are respected, the true issues at the heart of the conflict are identified and resolved, addressed. That is the power of effective communication. It’s a great way to resolve conflict. It also helps to deescalate tensions, and it creates an environment where collaborative problem solving can occur. One of the biggest things we can do with to develop effective communication is to practice active listening. Stephen Covey said it best when he said, the biggest communication problem is that we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:18:17]:
We do not listen to un that’s understand. We listen to reply. So we’re listening in the conversation not to understand the other person’s perspective, understand their situation, where they’re coming from, get a a greater understanding of the overall, situation we’re in. We’re listening to what the other person says so that we can then reply to it. Active listening involves focusing on the speaker, understanding their message, and responding thoughtfully. It shows respect. It validates the other person’s feelings, and it goes a long way to creating those collaborative bridges so that we can build win-win situations. So how can you practice active communication? We could go into a whole episode on just that.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:19:12]:
What I will do, though, is give you three tips that you can use, three steps to practice active listening. First thing is to give them full attention. Get rid of distractions. Focus entirely on the speaker. Get rid of any other distractions that you might have. Just focus all of your attention on the speaker. Focus. What are they saying? Truly focus and understand what they’re saying.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:19:46]:
Reflect back. So once they finish, rather than reply, summarise what the speaker said to confirm that you understand it. You might say, okay. So what I’m hearing you say is I paraphrase it. Summarise it. Not to form an attack, not to try and change their mind, not to not to twist words. Do it to show that you genuinely understand. Whether you agree with them or disagree with them, at this point, doesn’t matter.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:20:23]:
What you’re doing is you’re showing the other person, hey. I listened. This is what I under this is my understanding of what you were saying, where you’re coming from. Am I correct? It goes a long way to do, building trust. And the third tip is to ask clarifying questions. If something’s unclear, ask a question to gain a deeper understanding. I’m not quite sure I got that. Sorry.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:20:55]:
Can you elaborate on what you meant by? And don’t do it from a an attacking perspective. Don’t do it from a, hey. I’m gonna try and trick you and trip you up. Do it from a no. No. I I genuinely want to know. Tell me a bit more. What is it that you meant by that? What’s going on there? So you can truly understand what they’re saying.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:21:18]:
The more you do this, the deeper understanding you will get of their side of things, which makes it so much easier to come up with collaborative solutions. Something else you can do is, you can use I statements. I know this goes against a lot of what’s said in the marketing and all these sorts of things. But in conflicts, I statements can be very, very powerful. It can be a very good way of avoiding the perception of dishing out blame. I statements help you to express your feelings and your needs without placing blame on the other party, which in turn reduces their defensiveness because you’re not attacking them. You’re explaining how you feel, and it opens the door to constructive, dialogue. So how can we use I statements? Here’s a here’s a quick formula.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:22:16]:
I feel emotion when situation because reason. What I would like is need. I feel emotion when situation because reason. What I would like is need. This way, you’re taking ownership of the feeling. You’re not saying you make me feel it’s like that. I feel. You’re taking ownership.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:22:44]:
So I’ll get here’s an example. Instead of saying, you never listen to me, what you might try is let’s see. I feel unheard when I’m interrupted because it makes me feel that my input is not valued. What I would like is for us to take turns in speaking. Or, for example, instead of saying, you are always late, you could say something like, you know what? I feel frustrated when meetings start late because it affects our schedule. What I would like is for us to start on time. So you’re taking ownership of your feelings, and you’re offering solutions, a much more, powerful way of a much more, helpful way of responding, during conflicts. And one final thing I’ll, cover in, in conflict resolution because time is marching on as it always does.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:23:48]:
We have nonverbal communication. Communication isn’t just what we say or even how we say it. There’s a whole nonverbal aspect as well. Nonverbal cues, they could include body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, and they all play a significant role in communication. You know you can say the same word with different tones of voice, different, facial expressions, and they have completely different meanings. There’s that classic, classic one. I never said he stole your money. Seven words.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:24:36]:
I never said he stole your money. I never said he stole your money. I never said he stole your money. I never said he stole your money. I never said he stole your money. I never said he stole your money. Nothing. I missed one out.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:25:03]:
I never said he stole your money. Different emphasis, very different meanings. Nonverbal communication, pay attention to it. Great thing to do is, where Noble, and I get it. Particularly if one is neurodivergent, it can be difficult and uncomfortable to do this. Totally get that. Where it’s possible, where it’s comfortable, maintain eye contact. Show that you’re engaged and listening.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:25:34]:
Now avoid hard stares, which can be intimidating, but maintain gentle eye contact. And you don’t have to keep staring. You can you can look around, but hold the gaze for a moment or two. Maintaining eye contact can make a big difference. An open body posture really helps as well. If you’re there with crossed arms feeling all closed off, that doesn’t set that that really feels as though you’re closed off and seems defensive. Have a more open posture, showing that you’re more approachable. And your facial expressions.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:26:12]:
Make sure your facial expressions align with your message. Make sure your face is saying the same thing that your mouth is saying. A sincere smile can convey warmth and understanding. Now the is on sincere. People will spot fake smiles a mile away. Make sure that your body language is congruent with your message, And these can also help in conflict resolution. That’s a bit of an introduction to conflict resolution and how we can be aware of the different ways in which we, the different ways in which we we respond to conflicts, our own individual styles, and some ways in which we can we can improve communication in conflict. Hopefully, you found that useful.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:27:08]:
Hopefully, you found that interesting. Please do let me know. Let me know what you thought. Pop a comment, add questions, give us shares, reviews, subscribe, all the all the usual stuff. There’s more we can look in at this. If it’s of interest, let me know. And down the line, we’ll do a part two where we’ll look at other aspects of conflict, resolution, looking at ways in which we can resolve conflicts, how we can bring everyone together, how we can deescalate. But for now, hopefully, you found those of use.

Keith Blakemore-Noble [00:27:41]:
Subscribe, review, share, all those wonderful things. And thank you so much for joining me. Take care, and I’ll catch you in another episode very soon. Bye for now. You’ll be listening to the Keith Blakemore Noble Radio Show. To find out more, visit KeithBlakemoreNoble.com.