Driving
Imagine for a moment that you are driving a car on a wonderful journey. It doesn’t matter what the destination is, you are just enjoying a loverly journey along wide, sweeping, empty open roads
And then it happens!
Suddenly and without warning.
A light appears on the dashboard!
What do you do? Realistically you have three options open to you.
- You could slam on the brakes, jump out of the car, and run off into the distance screaming and vowing never to go near a car again;
- You could ignore the light completely and carry on your merry way;
- You could identify what the light indicates and work out whether it needs immediate attention, later specialist attention, or if it’s something you can sort yourself in your own good time.
Which option would you follow?
Hopefully we can agree to rule out option 1. Likewise option 2 – if we ignore the light an pretend it’s merely false evidence appearing real then we might continue our journey without incident – right up until the point the engine seizes for it transpires this was the oil warning light we ignored. Ooops!
Clearly, option 3 is the sensible course of action. Identify what the light is telling us, and work out if it needs to be addressed immediately (such as oil pressure warning), in a certain timeframe (such as fuel low warning), or can wait until our convenience (such as service interval light). We’d also get an idea of whether this is something we can resolve ourself, or whether we need to call in an expert.
Makes, sense, doesn’t it?
Project
OK, now imagine you are at work. You are heavily involved in a project. This is a project in which you believe deeply, a project about which you are passionate, a project which you want to succeed with all your heart.
Only, the thing is, you’ve identified a potential problem which, if it turns out to actually be a problem, could have major repercussions and could even kill off the project.
So you raise the issue in the project meeting. Alas the leader dismisses your concerns without listening to them.
Do you decide “Oh well, I tried” and leave it? Most likely not, because you know this could be a killer problem and you are heavily invested in the success of the project.
You’d most likely try to raise your objection louder in the meeting. Or take it higher. All the way to the CEO iff you keep getting ignored – this is important!
Remember, you are absolutely not advicating that the project be stopped or abandoned.
You want the project to succeed.
You have simply spotted something which needs to be double-checked to see if it is a genuine issue which needs to be resolved.
What Has This To Do With Fear?
Everything!
When we experience fear, we really have three options – get terrified and run away, ignore it completely, or figure out what it’s all about and address it.
It’s pretty obvious why running away doesn’t help, but what’s wrong with the second option, ignoring it and carrying on?
After all, isn’t that what so many advise us to do? Feal the fear and do it anyway?
OR, even worse, ignore it because apparently “Fear is just False Evidence Appearing Real”.
Utter nonsense!
Fear is simply our unconscious mind saying “Hey, sorry to interrupt your day, but there’s something here which we might have overlooked; could be a problem, or it could be nothing, but we need to pause and check it out before we continue”.
That’s all it is!
Of course, so many of us ignore it, either through not knowing any better, or through fake bravado or the ridiculous notion that we should pretend it doesn’t exist and that’s its all “false evidence appearing real”.
The problem when we ignore it is that our unconscious mind will step up, will escalate it, will shout louder and louder until we have to pay attention!
So it might start off as a niggling feeling at the back of our mind.
Then grow to a feeling or worry.
Before becoming a sinking feeling in the pit of our stomach.
Before showing up as a constantly dry mouth.
Turning into an inability to focus.
Ultimately showing up as a deep seated feeling or sheer terror.
Which morphs into a full-on panic attack, nausea, shaking, the works.
What Fear Really Is
Fear is merely a friendly warning, from someone heavily invested in your success, that there’s a potential issue you need to check to make sure things don’t go wrong.
And yet so many of us get told we should ignore it, shut it down, pretend it’s all fake, and push through anyway.
The problem with pretending it’s not real is two-fold:
- It may well actually be real (such as the oil warning light)
- Just like in the meeting, our unconscious won’t be shut down if we ignore – it will raise the issue higher and higher, shout louder and louder, until you finally take notice.
And that “finally taking notice” could be making you too terrified to actually do anything, if you don’t pay attention sooner…
What To Do?
In its simplest form, there are always just three steps to follow:
- Identify what the specific underlying problem is
- Identify how severe it is / how quickly it needs to be addressed
- Identify whether you can resolve it yourself, or whether you need additional help or resources
When we first stat to pay attention to our fear, and to actually seek to work with our unconscious, it can sometimes be a bit tricky to figure it all out. Of course it can, because we’re doing something we’ve not done before! As with so many things, the key is to start, to keep doing it each time, to pay attention to the results; over time it will start to get easier as you get to understand how your unconscious is communicating with you, and your unconscious gets to understand how best to attract your attention gently.
Indeed, sometimes it can be really tricky. The key is to sit with it, keep asking yourself what could be the underlying cause, asking why that’s a problem. Until you hit what feels right.
For example, many have a fear about speaking in front of groups of people. Doesn’t mean, of course, that we should just turn and run (as tempting as that may be – and most of us have had that exact feeling!).
Instead, get really curious about where that fear is coming from. Get curious about what could be wrong, what might have been overlooked. Really explore what your unconscious has found that you’ve overlooked which could cause it to want you to double-check things. Is the fear coming from the concern that you might forget what to say? Is it telling you that people might laugh at you? Perhaps it is the worry that your information is not correct? Or simply that you are not quite sure how to present? Maybe the tech issues are at the root.
Really dig deep, explore all the possibilities, until you find what “feels” like it could be the cause.
From here, you can then work out how severe the issue is and how quickly it needs to be resolved. Is it something you can address before your talk, or something you need to look to resolve for future ones?
Armed with that information, you can then make a judgement call as to whether this is something you can resolve yourself (perhaps making clearer notes and practising), or whether you need someone else’s expertise to resolve it (such as having a speaking coach help you develop your presenter style).
Very often it is not a quick fi, of course, but the end result will be worth it.
OF course, some fears are much more severe, such as phobias – intense irrational fears of something which poses no physical risk of harm. It’s OK if the result of you working through the three steps above is the conclusion that you need to seek professional help to conquer your phobia!
Whatever you discover, no matter how much work you have to do to resolve things, is going to give you significantly petter (and ultimately less stressful) results than simply trying to ignore the fear or telling yourself that it’s just “false evidence appearing real” (which it never is, when you get right down to it!)
The more you do this, of course, the easier it gets to find the root causes.
Not only that, the more you do this, the better you get at understanding the subtle signs your unconscious is using to communicate, and the earlier you’ll pick up on the “Excuse me, we need to check something” signs.
It’s so much more enjoyable to be able tp pick up on this when you have perhaps a slight “niggling feeling” at the back of your mind, than not picking it up until you are feeling physically sick and shaking!
Remember – fear is not something to be frighted of, Fear is your Friend!
