The One About Surviving Parties

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It’s the most wonderful time of the year, so the song puts it, and part of what makes this time of year so wonderful for many are all the Christmas parties, which is great if you’re an extrovert. But what if you’re an introvert? What if you find them a bit, well, draining? What can you do to get through this. Well, one thing you can do is

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Hey. Hello. Welcome to another episode. Today, we’re gonna take a look at what’s effectively the introvert survival guide Christmas parties. And it’s not just for introverts, and it’s not just about Christmas parties. It’s basically how to make the most of any gathering, particularly if you find it a bit a bit draining. Because, oh, let’s face it. There’s the thrill of the social world, the glamour, the lights, socialising, catching up with friends, far and wide, sharing the latest gossip.

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All of these sorts of things, they can be great for for so many people, and brilliant excuse to recharge social to social recharge to the max. But what if you are an introvert? I know I I personally am massive introvert. I can take part in many of these things, but it does get a bit

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draining. But I have developed some, some, tools, some techniques which are in my in my, in my armoury, which enable me to enjoy going to parties with without it being quite so draining. And I thought at this time of year, it would be nice to share some of those with you. So that’s what we’re gonna look at in this episode. Hope you enjoy it. Hope you get pick up some tips from it. If you do like this, please do remember, give us a like, a comment to share, subscribe to it, the podcast on your favourite platform, share it far and wide tag us, tag us, hashtag KPNRS. Let’s spread the love.

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So here are some tips that you can you can use to help you make the most of, Christmas party or any gathering without it being too emotionally draining. The tips aren’t in any particular order. Some may resonate with you, some may not. That’s the beauty of it. There’s something for everyone. First one I’m gonna, offer you, to me, is to know in advance when you’re gonna leave. Now think about it. Pacing yourself is incredibly important.

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If you are running a race, it really helps to know upfront whether you’re doing a 100 meter sprint or doing a marathon. Because you’re gonna have a different approach to each one. You’re gonna pace yourself differently for each one. And so it is with any gathering, with parties, whatever, knowing in advance roughly how long you’re gonna be there. It has many benefits. For 1, it enables you to pace yourself. If you know this is only gonna be like a half hour gathering, you can go full out for the half hour knowing that after that half hour, oh, you can relax and recharge. On the other hand, if it’s like a 5 hour evening long event, then, you know, you need to pace yourself that little bit more and maybe build in a couple of couple of little spots for mini recharges.

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Not only that, you can kind of keep an eye on the time as it ticks down, not from the point of view of, oh, this is so boring. I can’t wait to go home, but more from the point of view of, right? There’s just 1 hour left. I can do this. I’ve got enough in the time to get me through this hour. Really does make a big difference. So know in advance when you’re gonna be leaving. Even if it’s just a rough ballpark figure, it gives you something to aim for, lets you pace yourself, which is so important. Arrange to have a Christmas party buddy.

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That I have used this technique myself in the past to to great success. So, yeah, you can be meeting, chatting with new people. Great fun. And sometimes, on the other hand, you need that reassuring presence of a familiar face, somebody you can just be you with, so where you can relax with for a couple of minutes, where you don’t have to to be on on top of your game for a few minutes, someone you can chill with. That’s where having a Christmas party buddy, or even 2 or 3 of them comes in really handy, arrange to go with a friend or with somebody that you know well so that you’ve got that familiar face there. It means if you’re going on a a scary, scary journey of going round, meeting group of people you’ve never spoken with before, at least, you know, at the end of it, you can catch up with your buddy again and oh, relax, maybe even share stories of of what’s happened. It really does make it so much easier, particularly if you’re a bit shy. In particular, if you’re a bit shy because you know, yeah, just get through this bit, and then I can I can hang out with my buddy again? Let you circulate, spread yourself around, while still having the the comfort, and and support there.

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Arrange to catch up a few times with your buddy during the party. This means you can break the party into segments. It gives you a few moments to relax each time as you you catch up with each other and relax and and chill out. And, and you know it also gives you a great excuse for, an escape. So if you’re chatting with a group of people and you’re kind of thinking, how do I get out of this? You’ve got a brilliant hey. You know what, folks? Hey. It’s been absolutely lovely meeting each and every one of you. I’ve loved it.

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If you’d excuse me, I’m just gonna go and catch up with John over there. Just gonna catch up with him, but lovely to meet you. Yep. I’ll see you in a bit. And off you go and catch up with you, and you’re not appearing rude. Extroverts will understand this. That’s that’s what they do. They, they they come and go and flit around, so they spec that sort of thing gives you a good get out.

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So that if you are feeling, oh, I need a break, you got one. On a similar sort of vein, there’s, spot safe spaces safe spaces. Kind of scope out the the the the venue, look for some space safe spaces early on. Now what I mean by safe spaces are just look for places where you might be able to grab a few minutes of peace and quiet just to just to rest, to gather your thoughts, to de stress, to do an emergency recharge. Even if you don’t need to use them, just knowing that they’re there can be a big help. It might be a quiet spot in the venue. Depending where you are, might might be at might be placed on the balcony looking at a a lovely view outside, or if it’s an inside balcony, watching the people in the room below. Might be a comfy chair slightly apart from others.

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Could be at the buffet, for example. Great place to go and just break from a week or two.

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Gives you something to to focus your attention as well, pondering, oh, which delicious morsels will

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I try? Hey, you know what it could be? Could even just be the spot where the the the cat or the dog is hanging out. Never ever underestimate the restorative powers of chatting with a dog at the party while you stroke it for a few minutes, chilling. Beautiful. If you get the chance to do that, it’s so wonderful. So find spot some safe spaces early on, places where you could you can escape to bolt holes where you can you can nip off to chill for a couple of moments. Another, another great way to to manage your energy at at these sorts of parties. Often, we feel so drained because we feel we have to be on splay, we have to be talking, we have to be keeping the conversation going the whole time. And particularly, if you’re an introvert or if you’re a bit shy, or you’re just not used to it, that can be daunting, and it can be incredibly draining.

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But you don’t have to. Be happy to observe others for a while. You could do this from one of the previously, discovered safe spaces, is that you could do it from pretty much anywhere, anywhere in the room, anywhere in the venue. You don’t have to spend the whole time making small talk. Thank goodness. It’s perfectly acceptable to perhaps take a few minutes out, find a secluded spot or find a spot where you’re not in the way of everyone is quietly observe everything that’s going on. Even better if you’ve got maybe, if it is like a buffet, you’ve got some food there, or you’ve you’ve got a nice drink. You can just sit or stand there just casually observing, taking a few sips, just taking in everything that’s going on.

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Great way to pass the time without having to take part in conversation. Observe what’s going on. Notice what you can really almost turn it into a game. Right, what are 4 things I can notice? For example, as you’re doing this, you’re gonna start to see usually, you’re gonna start to observe some group dynamics. You start to see the ebbs and flows within the groups, within the the the people there. You might even spot some other potential safe spaces you hadn’t hadn’t, noticed before, you might even start to spot some fellow introverts who are doing the same sort of thing. That can be a source of comfort, just realising you’re not alone in this. You might even approach one of them and and kind of just casually stand near them.

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Hey. Good party. Yeah. Cool. And mind if I just chill chill with you for a couple of moments, and then just watch the room in companionable silence. It can be a great way to pass a few moments. And even spot people. Oh, I was gonna go and have a chat with them, spot things that they’re wearing, spot converse potential for conversation openers.

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If you see something that that, somebody’s wearing a particular type of outfit or or whatever, you’ve observed this, it becomes a conversation opener. So be happy to observe. Also, and you can do this while you’re whilst you’re happily observing from the sidelines, look for those who are, how would you put it, holding court. It’s supposed to be a good way of putting it. There will inevitably be a few people who do more talking than the rest of them do. Almost looks as though they are holding court for their group, enthralling their group with tales of whatever it is they’re talking about. If you’re looking good for a good way to pass some time without having to make small talk or take part in conversation, find find a group where there is somebody holding court, somebody entertaining your group. Beautiful thing is, you’re not gonna be expected to talk much.

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In fact, chances are you probably struggle to get a word in entries anyway. But as long as you pick the right one, which is where the observation part comes in from a little bit earlier. So when you pick the right one, stand you with a good chance of being entertained. You never know what you’re gonna learn from from from somebody who’s doing it, somebody who’s recounting tales of whatever, you never know what you’re gonna learn from there. It can be it can be good fun. And, hey, also gives you something to talk about with others later on in the evening. Nice. What do you think of this, so far? Hopefully, you’re finding it useful.

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Let me know. Drop me a message. Let me know what you think of all of this. And have you got any tips? Have you got any tales from from parties? How you manage to overcome the, overcome that. They, the drainingness of it, and and just to really enjoy it. Please do share them with me. I love hearing from, love hearing from you. Love hearing from, from listeners.

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The sorts of things that they’re getting from us. Cash me on any of the social social platforms or send an send an email. Let me know what you think of it. And also, share the podcast remember, give us a like, give us a comment, share it, subscribe on your favourite platform. It helps boost the numbers. Getting back to, our introvert survival guide to Christmas parties, mixing it up. Mixing it up is a great way. One thing that introverts do really well at parties is flip from person to person, from group to group, conversation to conversation often never occurs to do that for for us introverts because we like to focus on a particular topic or particular whatever and and really focus on it.

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But extroverts, they will flip and mix around, which is a great way to to survive parties. Parties aren’t the source of of long, intimate, deep, and meaningful conversations. Not usually anyway, at least not in there. Not only parts of them, maybe toward the end when much, much liquor has been consumed, they might happen. But partly generally light, fluffy conversations of the sort that will naturally reach an end. They all peter out pretty pretty easily pretty quickly, and there is nothing wrong with moving to another group. Hey, it’s been lovely chatting with you. I’ve got to circulate.

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Don’t wanna hog your time. It’s gonna circulate. Let me see you around. Right way of doing it. People will understand, they won’t think you’re rude. Just find an excuse to move on. If if you have got the, got the, the charisma for it, there’s a there’s a friend of mine. He he is also an introvert, and he he he finds, his social gatherings very draining.

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And he developed a bit of a cheeky way of of, moving from group to group. He’ll find a group that, hey, hello. I haven’t spoken with you yet. Immerse themselves in the group, after a little while, run out of things to say, right, bored bored now. I’m probably bored you all now. I’m off, and off to see someone else. Does it in a cheeky light hearted way that endears to people to him even more. But find whatever works for you, but mix it up.

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Flit around, jump from group to group, conversation to conversation. That’s what they’re all about. Talking of escape, escaping conversation, movie, have some good conversation finishes. There will be times, oh, there will be times where you find you’re in a boring or a dying conversation. You wanna get out of it, but you don’t feel rude. How do you do it? Good conversation finishers. The more socially active, people will have plenty of these up their sleeves, and the more you do this, the more they will come to you naturally. But have some conversation finishes.

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Now at parties, it’s gonna be a bit easier because these are places to socialise and to circulate. Indeed, it’s sometimes considered rude to be almost hogging a person for any extended period of time. So it’s always gonna be, finishing conversations, just find something easy, inoffensive that there’s a good cue to signify to the other person. Okay. This conversation is at an end. Let’s part and move on move on to the next one. Again, very simple things like, hey, it’s been lovely to meet you. I don’t wanna hug you.

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I know you got plenty of other people to catch to to chat with. I’ll see you around. Or, I’ve really, you know, I’m really enjoying our conversation, but please do excuse me. I’m just gonna go and catch John over there. It’s fine. It’s finally free. I’ve been waiting to catch him for a while. I’ll catch up with you in a bit, finish the conversation, flip from, from group to group.

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Remember, with parties. And I know for introverts, this is this is counterintuitive, because if you’re gonna have a conversation, you wanna have a conversation. The parties is all that keeping it light, flitting around, coming and going. Light, short, brief conversations has nothing wrong with flitting around from lovely to chat with you. I gotta circulate. See you in a bit. That’s all it takes. And no, the extroverts will not feel offended by that whatsoever.

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They will understand, and they will just move on to the next person to chat with. Other ways you can, make the most of these parties. Arrive early. What? Yes. If the thought of walking into a room filled with strangers who all seem to know each other, fills you if the thought of that fills you with dread, try arriving at the party a little bit on the early side. Now I don’t mean if if, if your host says to arrive for 7, I don’t mean turn up at 5 o’clock. That’s just that’s just impolite. But, get that earlier on in the event, so get there closer to 7 than than 9 or 10.

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Reason being that there will be fewer people there, smaller group, which can make it a lot easier, particularly if you’re introvert, or particularly if you’re shy. It’s easier for you to get to know people, because there are fewer people. It’s less intimidating. It can be easier to get to know some of your fellow guests. And as the room starts to fill up, you won’t be amongst complete strangers because you will at least have passing conversations with with some of the people. You will feel that little bit more, a little bit friendly, a little bit less daunting. And you even got some nodding acquaintances with, amongst fellow guests, which can make all the difference, particularly later on oh, hey hey, Bill. Good to see you again.

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Hope you’re enjoying it. So arrive early, or alternatively, because, hey, let’s face it, all of it life is contradictory, so why would this be any different? Arrive late. I don’t mean arrive after the party’s finished, but I mean, arrive later on in the proceedings. Because for other people, the idea of being with small groups of strangers is even more scary than the idea of being with a big group big group of strangers. Because whilst with a small group, it can be less daunting. There are fewer people there. For other people, if it’s a big group, there are more options. It’s easy to kind of hide away, hide in the crowd.

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So if the thought of arriving early fills you with dread, arrive later. And let’s face it. You can arrive fashionably late and make an entrance if you so choose. But but arrive a bit later, and just throw yourself in because it’s already the party is already in full swing, already conversing. Sometimes that can be easier. Basically, go with whichever approach is the most comfortable for you. The idea behind what I’m offering here is not to say this will work. You must do this.

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I’m saying here are some tips that that I’ve picked up over time, some that I found helpful, some I know fellow introverts have found helpful. The idea is just to offer you some options, offer you some thoughts, offer you some things to make you go, oh, never thought of that. I’ll give that a try. That could work. Now conversation, conversation, conversation. If if you would like to be known as a great conversationalist, what’s the best way to do it? If you wanna, be able to really get conversations going without having too much and keep them going without having to do too much, best way to do it, easy. Get people talking about their favourite topic of conversation. Because if somebody’s talking about their favourite topic of conversation, they’re gonna enjoy themselves.

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You’re the one who got them on to that topic. They’re gonna feel good about you. They will talk load. You do have to do very little apart from the occasional prompt. Brilliant. Oh, what’s their favourite topic of con how do I find out their favourite topic of conversation? Well, generally, most people’s favourite topic of conversation is themselves. It’s themselves. Either them or what they do or what they, their hobbies.

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Basically, ask somebody question about themselves, and stand back and let them talk. Adding the occasional prompt here and there, and it’s when the conversation starts to die down just to show that you are listening, pay attention to what they’re saying, use that as a springboard. It’s a great way to get conversations going. Obviously, if you have any mutual interest, that can also be a really cool way to to get conversation going or even, hey. Nice to meet you. How do how do you know the host of the party? That could be a good way of getting conversation going as well, especially if you’re able to swap tales about them. Another tip, another tip, good tip here is to respect alcohol. As Homer Simpson put it, alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life’s problems.

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Yeah. Having a drink can help to take the edge off things, particularly if it’s an uncomfortable social situation. And let’s face it, if there’s one thing you’ll find at most Christmas parties, it’s alcohol. However, be mindful of how much you’re consuming. It is far too easy to to drink much more than you thought you’re drinking, particularly if you’re a little bit nervous or a little anxious is far too before you know it, you’ve had several glasses of that particularly delicious wine, and it starts to get you a bit more drunk and out of control than you normally like to be. So just be a little just just be mindful of of, of how much alcohol you’re having, particularly if it’s like a free bar, or if it’s one of those ones where someone will come around and keep topping your topping a glass up just be aware of how much you’re you’re consuming, pace yourself, maybe having soft drinks from time to time. So have 1 glass of alcoholic drink, 1 glass of a soft drink. Swap them backwards and forwards.

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Just take it easy because, what you don’t wanna do is is is is get drunk and make this make things actually worse. I mean, you don’t wanna be remembered as that drunken mess from the party. So, yeah, by all means, enjoy alcohol, but just be respectful of it, and just kind of maybe have a little bit less than you think you might want to have, and you’ll probably find you’ve had about the right amount. Now when it comes to parties, transport, getting there, and getting back. Avoid relying on others for transport. That will be my tip. Avoid relying on others for transport. Reason being I mean, let’s face it.

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Sometimes despite the best plans, best of intentions, you’ve done all of these things that we’ve talked about, and the vibe is just not right. You’re just not feeling it, and it’s time to cut your losses and leave early. Oh, but you can’t because you came with Bill and Bill’s car, and Bill’s enjoying himself, and, now you’re stuck here. Or you were the one who who drove, and there’s a couple of people relying on you for a lift back, and you kinda can’t really drag them away and leave, and say, oh, you’re stuck. Oh, it can make it really difficult. So wherever possible, make your own transport arrangements. Sometimes it can be a bit trickier, maybe a bit bit more expensive, but at least it gives you your way to get out in your time rather than relying on others. Or excuse me.

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Goodness. Or at the very least, be aware of alternatives that you could use. So so perhaps, perhaps Jane drove you there, and the plan was that Jane’s gonna drive you back, but you’re just not feeling it at this party. It’s time for you to go. You know the alternatives alternative transport, alternative ways that you can get home. If you need to cut and run, just let Jane know, hey, enjoy it. I’ve I’ve got a dash. No.

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It’s alright. I’ve got my own way back. I’ll see you see you tomorrow. And you know what? It’s surprising how often knowing that you’re not trapped waiting for others, it’s surprising how often knowing that actually makes the event seem a lot less scary because you know you’re not trapped. You can leave at any time. So you can relax, and you end up relaxing and enjoying it more. It can make a huge difference. Really can.

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Really can. Sometimes sometimes you’re gonna need to get out though. Something you can organise, organise with a friend, organise with a friend to phone you, arrange for a friend to phone you, a prearranged time. This can give you a brilliant get out if you absolutely need it. So arrange them to call you maybe 3 hours into the evening. Arrange for them to call you. If everything’s going well, you could ignore the call. Let your friend know that you might ignore it.

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If it’s going well, you could ignore the call, or you could just answer it really briefly and say, yeah. I’ll catch I’ll catch you catch you tomorrow. If you’re not enjoying yourself, you can use that as an excuse to manufacture some, some reason why you absolutely have to leave there and then. Gives you an excuse, so you gotta get out. Sounds cheesy, I know, but, hey, it works. It really does work. Not something you’re gonna use often, but it’s nice to know it’s there. What if you need to leave? You yeah.

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I really gotta leave, but I forgot to arrange with a friend to make a call. Oh, now what can I do? Subtly text a friend. Maybe from, one of the, safe spaces that you saw earlier, just subtly text you text your friend, give me a call in 5 minutes. And then 5 minutes time, the phone will go off, and you’ve got, you’ve got your get out. Or if it doesn’t work, or not, if it doesn’t work, or if you, nobody you could text, plan to set an alarm on your phone and make sure that the alarm you use is the same as your ringtone. It will sound as though your, your phone’s going off

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at that prearranged time. You can then fake an entire call and then head off provided, of course, nobody phoned you at the point that you’re faking that you’re on

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the call, but, hey, these things happen. It’s just ways to ways to give you a get out if you need it that makes it easy for you to get out. Now most of the time, you’re not actually gonna use that get out at all. But just knowing that you’ve got it makes everything so much easier, and it can mean that you enjoy the party far more as a result, knowing you’re not trapped, knowing that you would be able to bail out if you need to without creating a scene, without getting embarrassed, just makes it so much easier to enjoy. Hopefully, some of these tips, have been of use to you. I’m sure you’ve probably heard many of them. My hope is that there’s there’s at least one where you’re going, oh, never thought of that before. Maybe they’ll spark off some some ideas enabling you to create some of your own strategies.

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The important thing, as with so many things in life, bear in mind, there is no one size fits all. A strategy that works for 1 person might not work for another. Find what works for you. Different things work for different people. Play around with it. See what works. Evolve them, tweak them, adjust them. Do what’s right for you to give yourself the best advanced preparation so that you can go in and enjoy the party knowing that you know how long it’s gonna be.

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You know you’ve got you’ve got a way to get out. You know, you’ve got your own way home, you’re not relying on anyone, you’ve got some strategies to help you catch a breather when you need it, and you gotta get out if if if you need one. You’ve got a way of of, creating an excuse to to, unavoidably have to leave with regret. I’ve got to go. I’m really sorry. I’m enjoying, but I have to go. Having all those in place makes it so much easier to enjoy the party, and the chances are you’ll enjoy it all the more. Hopefully, that has, given you some ideas.

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I know I have used several of these in the past, and it really has made a difference. And I know of other people who have also used, some of these, again, it’s made a huge difference for them as well. Hopefully, it might make a little bit of a difference for you, and it might help you to enjoy the onslaught of socialising that is the Christmas party, because, hey, it is the most wonderful time of the year. Have a good one. I will catch you in another episode very soon. Bye for now.