---
title: "Episode 039 – Speaking with Authority"
id: "22162"
type: "podcast"
slug: "episode-039-speaking-with-authority"
published_at: "2026-10-18T23:00:00+00:00"
modified_at: "2026-10-18T11:21:27+00:00"
url: "https://keithblakemorenoble.com/podcast/episode-039-speaking-with-authority/"
markdown_url: "https://keithblakemorenoble.com/podcast/episode-039-speaking-with-authority.md"
excerpt: "Do you soften things you're sure of so you won't sound arrogant? Discover why authority and arrogance are separate, and what the softening costs you."
taxonomy_post_tag:
- "Arrogance"
- "Authority"
- "communication"
- "Leadership"
- "Overachieving"
taxonomy_series:
- "The Overachievers Podcast"
---
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# Episode 039 – Speaking with Authority
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- First broadcast October 19, 2026
- [Arrogance](https://keithblakemorenoble.com/tag/arrogance/) , [Authority](https://keithblakemorenoble.com/tag/authority/) , [communication](https://keithblakemorenoble.com/tag/communication/) , [Leadership](https://keithblakemorenoble.com/tag/leadership/) , [Overachieving](https://keithblakemorenoble.com/tag/overachieving/)
- [All Episodes](https://keithblakemorenoble.com/series/the-overachievers-podcast/)
Do you soften things you're sure of so you won't sound arrogant? Discover why authority and arrogance are separate, and what the softening costs you.
[PrevPrevious EpisodeEpisode 038 – Leading Without Pressure](https://keithblakemorenoble.com/podcast/episode-038-leading-without-pressure/)
#### Table of Contents
## Introduction
Welcome to The Overachievers Podcast, for those times when achieving everything is still not enough.
You know the answer. You’re sure of it. And yet somewhere between your head and the send button, a clear recommendation picks up an “I think,” a “just,” and an “I might be wrong,” until it arrives as a question.
If you’ve ever said something you were certain of so softly that nobody heard it as important, then watched a decision go the way you knew it shouldn’t, this one will feel familiar. Most of the time it comes from a decent place. You simply don’t want to sound arrogant.
In this episode, we look at why authority and arrogance feel as though they sit on the same dial, why they sit on two separate ones, and what all that softening is costing you. We also hear about Claire, a finance director whose warning about one contract clause was built not to be heard…
## Key Themes
1. Why you soften what you already know
2. Authority and arrogance: two separate dials
3. The recommendation that turned into a question
4. What watering it down costs you
5. Who is the softening protecting?
## Timestamps
- 0:00 Knowing it and softening it anyway
- 2:16 The email that became a question
- 4:55 Claire and clause fourteen
- 8:40 What did you add?
- 9:35 Two separate dials
- 13:11 Where the single dial comes from
- 15:00 What the softening costs you
- 17:25 Noticing the softening
- 19:44 A question to take with you
## If You Prefer Video
## Connected Blog
[https://keithblakemorenoble.com/authority-versus-arrogance/](https://keithblakemorenoble.com/authority-versus-arrogance/)
#### Authority versus Arrogance
Afraid of sounding arrogant, so you water down what you know? Authority and arrogance are two separate settings. Here is why that matters.
[Read more…](https://keithblakemorenoble.com/authority-versus-arrogance/)
## Related Blogs and Episodes
[https://keithblakemorenoble.com/still-being-the-person-you-chose-in-a-hurry/](https://keithblakemorenoble.com/still-being-the-person-you-chose-in-a-hurry/)
### Still Being The Person You Chose in a Hurry
The snap decisions you made about who to be in a new role rarely get reviewed. Years later, you may still be living by them.
[Read](https://keithblakemorenoble.com/self-image-guilt-and-the-quiet-rules-youre-living-by/)
[https://keithblakemorenoble.com/still-being-the-person-you-chose-in-a-hurry/](https://keithblakemorenoble.com/still-being-the-person-you-chose-in-a-hurry/)
[more…](https://keithblakemorenoble.com/self-image-guilt-and-the-quiet-rules-youre-living-by/)
### Performing for an Audience of One
The exhausting part of your day is rarely the work. It is the performance on top of it. Who are you actually performing for?
[Read more…](https://keithblakemorenoble.com/pressure-is-learned-not-inherent/)
[https://keithblakemorenoble.com/performing-for-an-audience-of-one/](https://keithblakemorenoble.com/performing-for-an-audience-of-one/)
[https://keithblakemorenoble.com/podcast/episode-038-leading-without-pressure/](https://keithblakemorenoble.com/podcast/episode-038-leading-without-pressure/)
### Episode 038 – Leading Without Pressure
Still checking your inbox on holiday, even when nothing needs you? Discover why leadership and control feel the same, and what the grip costs you.
[Listen…](https://keithblakemorenoble.com/podcast/episode-038-leading-without-pressure/)
### Episode 031 – When The Inner Critic Sounds Like Wisdom
What if your most strategic-sounding decisions are actually being made by fear? Discover how the inner critic disguises itself as your best thinking.
[Listen](https://keithblakemorenoble.com/podcast/004-why-rest-feels-so-uncomfortable/)
[…](https://keithblakemorenoble.com/podcast/005-how-responsibility-quietly-expands/)
[https://keithblakemorenoble.com/podcast/episode-031-when-the-inner-critic-sounds-like-wisdom/](https://keithblakemorenoble.com/podcast/episode-031-when-the-inner-critic-sounds-like-wisdom/)
## Transcript
This is the Overachievers Podcast for people who want success without the burnout. You know the answer, you’re sure of it. And somewhere between knowing it and saying it, you add, I might be wrong, but— Today we’re looking at why and what that small addition costs you. Welcome to the Overachievers Podcast with Keith Blakemore-Noble, because success shouldn’t cost everything. Welcome back. I’m Keith Blakemore-Noble, the Overachievers Coach. And in the previous episode, we looked at control and the pressure that comes from trying to keep a hold of every thread so that nothing can catch you out. At the end of that episode, I said that we were next going to look at something that sits at the opposite end.
Rather than holding on too tightly, this one is about holding back. Specifically, we’re looking at what separates authority from arrogance and why so many capable people hold back from authority. And they do it because they’re afraid of sounding arrogant. If you lead anything at all, a team, a department, a business, a project, a household, there’s a good chance that this will feel familiar as we dive into speaking with authority in episode 39 of the Overachievers Podcast. Before we dive in, if you haven’t already, please do follow or subscribe on whatever platform you’re listening to. It’s the easiest way to make sure that you don’t miss an episode. So let’s start with something small. You’re writing an email, a recommendation, something you’ve thought about properly, and you know what should happen.
Your first draft said so. We should go with a second supplier. Their terms are better and they can start straight away. Nice, clear. You know exactly what should happen. And then you read it back. It looks a bit bold, a bit sure of itself. So you add, I think, to dial it down a bit.
And you look at it again and you think, let’s change we should to I wonder if we could. And then you check it again and you think, let’s just throw in an adjust in here somewhere near the front. By the 4th or 5th draft, it reads more like, just a thought, and I’m happy to be told I’m wrong, but I wonder if the 2nd supplier might be worth considering. You started with a recommendation, You ended up with just a question. Sounds familiar, right? And here’s what interests me about all of that. Nothing about what you knew changed between the drafts. Nothing. You’re exactly as sure when you press send as you were when you started typing the first draft.
The only thing that changed It’s how you sounded. And for most people, the reason that they change it is a fear, a fear that they usually don’t put into words. That fear is that they don’t want to come across as arrogant. They don’t want to come across as the person who thinks they know best. They don’t want to be seen as someone who’s got a bit above themselves. Now, there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to be arrogant. Absolutely. It’s a very good instinct.
And the capable people that I tend to work with, well, they often tend to be the least arrogant person in any room that they walk into, which is exactly why the pattern catches them, because somewhere along the way, they have learned to treat authority and arrogance as the same thing, just in different amounts. A little clarity is fine. Too much and you’ve tipped over. So the safest place to be is less clear than you really are. That is the idea I’d like us to explore in this episode. Let me tell you about Clare. Clare was the finance director of a medium-sized firm and she was very good at her job, careful, thorough, Very well respected. The firm was renewing a contract with a major supplier.
Clare was reviewing the terms, doing the due diligence, all that sort of good stuff. In about clause 14, she found something. It was a pricing mechanism which, under the right conditions, would cost the firm a great deal of money. She was sure. She was sure of that because she’d seen clauses like that before and she knew exactly what it would do. In the meeting when the contract came up, she said this. It’s probably nothing, and I know I’m likely being overcautious, but I wonder whether someone might want to have a glance at Clause 14 at some point. Everyone nodded.
Somebody said, good point, and the meeting moved on. And of course, nobody glanced at Clause 14. The contract was duly signed. Sometime later, the conditions that Clare had feared arrived, and the clause did exactly what she had known it would do. It cost the company a 5-figure sum. Her managing director asked her, a bit puzzled, asked her why she hadn’t raised it. Claire simply replied, I did. And she had, technically.
It was on the drive home that it hit her. She went back over what she’d said in that meeting word by word. Probably nothing. Overcautious. I wonder whether someone might glance at some point. She had taken something she was certain of and she wrapped it in so many layers of softening that no one in the room could have possibly heard it as important. She said it in a way that was built not to be heard. Then came the harder realisation.
This wasn’t the first time that she’d done that sort of thing. She’d been doing it for years in meetings, in emails, in conversations with her boss. Whenever she knew something, she watered it down before she let it out. She hadn’t doubted the clause for a second. She softened it because the plain version, which would have been, there is a problem in clause 14, it will cost us and we need to fix it before we sign, saying that sounded to her like the sort of thing an arrogant person would say. So she watered it down, softened it. What stayed with her afterwards was less about the money, which which wasn’t hers, and more about the replaying, going back over that meeting and then over all the other meetings before it, wondering how many times she’d known but said it so softly that nobody really heard. Let’s pause here and ask something, consider something.
Think about the last time you knew something, you know, you really knew it, but you said it in a softer form. What did you add? How did you soften it? Was there a just or perhaps an I might be wrong? Maybe you threw in a does that make sense? Perhaps the recommendation turned into a question somewhere between your head And your mouth. And when you added it, when you softened it, what were you not trying to sound like? What were you trying to not sound like when you softened it? Here’s the point at the heart of all this, the difference between authority and arrogance. Most people picture the 2 as a single dial. You turn it up, you get more clarity, more conviction, more weight behind what you say. Keep turning it, at some point you tip over from all of that into arrogance. So to avoid the arrogance, what do you do? You keep it dialled back low to a safe level, low on the clarity, low on the conviction, low on the weight behind what you say. However, I’d suggest that authority and arrogance are actually 2 completely separate things.
They are on 2 totally separate dials. Authority, authority is about your relationship with what you know. It’s how strongly and plainly you stand behind what you know. When you speak with authority, You say the thing at the strength you actually hold the thing. Arrogance, on the other hand, arrogance is about your relationship with other people. It’s what happens when someone treats everyone else’s view as beneath consideration, when they stop listening because they’ve already decided nobody else in the room has anything worth adding. That’s arrogance and it’s very, very different from authority. Look at Clare’s plain sentence again.
There is a problem with clause 14. It will cost us and we need to fix it before we sign. When you examine that sentence, is there anything in it that’s about anyone else? Is there anything dismissing anybody? Is there anything in it claiming that she is cleverer than the other people at the table? Absolutely not. Every single word is about clause 14. That sentence carries a great deal of authority and it carries no arrogance whatsoever because the 2 sit on completely separate dials. Turning up one Leaves the other exactly where it was. And here’s the part that matters if you, like Claire, are someone who holds back. Turning authority down, it does nothing to arrogance either.
Turning the authority up does nothing to arrogance. Turning authority down does nothing to arrogance. If you weren’t arrogant to begin with, watering that sentence down doesn’t make it any less so because you were never at risk. All that, that watering down, all that, that softening achieves is that what you know reaches the room with far less authority, power, and certainty behind it than it deserves. Which actually gives a useful test. When you notice yourself softening something that you are sure of, Ask yourself, who am I protecting by doing this and from what am I protecting them? Who am I protecting and from what? Let’s face it, the people in that meeting were not going to be hurt by a clear sentence. If anything, they would have preferred it. They’re busy and they’d quite like to know what you think.
So why do arrogance and authority feel like they’re on the same dial? Why do so many capable, considerate people believe clarity and arrogance live on the same thing? Well, a lot of it gets learned early, early in life, like so many things that we, that we, we have deep inside us. We learn it early. Don’t get above yourself. Nobody likes a show-off. Who do you think you are? Most of us have heard some version of those when we were growing up, and it was usually aimed at something reasonable, aimed at bragging, aimed at being unkind, aimed at talking over people. However, a child doesn’t hear the fine print. What a lot of children take from it is something much broader, that being sure out loud is risky, that saying something plainly invites someone to cut you down to size. So you learn to get there first.
You cut yourself down before anyone else has the chance. That’s what all the softening is about. That’s what the watering down is all about. I might be wrong, but— or, hey, this is probably nothing, just a thought. Each one does the same job. It takes the edge off before anyone can object to the edge. You’re having the disagreement with yourself out loud before anyone else has even thought of disagreeing with you. And because it works in the sense that nobody ever accuses you of being arrogant, from that perspective it works.
So it never gets questioned. It feels like good manners, like humility, like being a reasonable person. But here is where it becomes a problem. Here’s where it has a cost. When you water down what you know, when you soften it, you’re doing work. Every sentence goes through an edit before you utter it. You draft it, you check how it sounds, you water it down, you smooth it off, you soften it, you check it again in every meeting, in every email, in every conversation. That is a constant low-level effort that most of us never know we’re making.
Well, we never notice because it happens so fast that it just It feels like part of thinking. There is a second cost as well. What you know reaches the world weaker than that knowledge really is. Decisions get made on the softened version. And sometimes, like Claire, you watch them go the way that you knew was wrong. And the frustration afterwards It’s got nowhere to go because you did say it, technically. Not only that, there’s a third cost, and this one does take longer to show up. A gap opens between the person who knows things and the person who speaks.
In your head, you’re clear. Out loud, you sound tentative. The longer that goes on, the more the tentative version starts to feel like who you are. The gap between who you are and how you come across in the role, that’s something we keep returning to on the topic that we’re spending some time on right now. And this is one of the places that it shows up the most, in the space between what you know and what you let yourself say. Big gap between who you are and how you come across shows up in the space between what you know and what you let yourself say. So what do you do with this? I’m not going to suggest that you start issuing bold pronouncements or that you strip every last bit of courtesy out of how you speak. Absolutely not.
A lot of softening is simply people being pleasant to each other. And that’s fine. That’s good. That helps create healthy working relationships. The softening worth noticing is the softening that you add to things that you’re actually sure of. And hey, it helps simply to catch it, just to be aware of it. As with so many things, being aware is a great first step. So the next time you write an email that matters, Compare the first draft with the one you send.
What got added? What got taken out? Was anything you knew less true by the end of it? When you notice yourself reaching for things like, I might be wrong, and you aren’t expecting to be wrong at all, ask that question: who am I protecting here and from what am I protecting them? And remember where arrogance really lives. It lives in how you treat the people around you, whether you listen, whether you take their views seriously, whether you leave room for them to disagree. If you’re doing those things, and most people who worry about this already are, then you can let the sentence about the clause Be as clear as that clause deserves. Being clear about what you know and being respectful towards the people that you say it to are 2 very different things. And you are allowed to do both at once. In the next episode, The Confidence Illusion, we’re looking at confidence and courage. We’re going to look at what separates them and why waiting to feel confident before you act can keep you waiting. For now, here’s a question to consider over the coming week.
Think of something that you know, something that you really know about your work. You know it well. Think of that thing that you know really well about your work, and yet you’ve been saying more softly, than you genuinely believe? If you said it at the strength at which you actually believe it, who specifically would be harmed? Interesting question to ponder. I’ll leave you to ponder that over the coming days. Meanwhile, if today’s episode struck a chord, it really would mean a lot to me if you leave a review or a rating on whatever platform you’re catching this episode. It helps other people find the show. helps me to know how well it’s hitting. Also, share this.
Please do share this episode with someone who you think would benefit. And if you haven’t already, hit follow or subscribe so that you’re here for every episode. Finally, head over to KeithBN.link/TOP where you’ll find all of the episodes. Find this episode. In there, you’ll have the show notes along with some additional resources which are well worth exploring. I’m Keith Blakemore-Noble, the Overachievers Coach, and I’ll be your guide as we explore a healthier way to succeed.
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## About Your Host
Keith Blakemore-Noble
Keith Blakemore-Noble is The Overachiever’s Coach. For over sixteen years he has worked with driven, capable individuals to identify and restructure the internal patterns that keep them stuck despite their success. A former Chartered IT Professional and Fellow of the British Computer Society, Keith brings a systems thinker’s precision to mindset change. He is the founder of The Overachievers Club, host of The Overachievers Podcast, and author of six published books including The Masks We Wear and AntiManipulation, with his forthcoming Overachiever-based book in development. He uses Mindset Mastery, his bespoke blend of hypnosis, NLP, and coaching, to create rapid, deep, and lasting change.
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Colour-coded, highlighted, and 3 pages long.
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A messy scroll of impossible standards.
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A wish list. With items like "clean inbox" from 2022.
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A sleek system that makes NASA jealous.
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Nonexistent. It’s all stored in my overworked brain.
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What do you do when you finish a big project?
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Collapse for 2 hours, then check emails.
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Rewrite half of it “just in case.”
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Start your next project before finishing the first one.
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Reward myself! With more work, obviously.
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Remember that one thing I forgot to do.
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Your calendar is:
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Mostly blank, but the pressure still feels real.
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A battleground of overlapping commitments.
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Full of “catch up” blocks that never work.
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Triple-booked but color-coordinated.
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Satisfyingly filled to the 15-minute increment.
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What is your definition of Success?
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Being three steps ahead at all times.
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Perfection. Anything less is failure.
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Not drowning. Bonus points if I thrive.
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Getting everything done, even if it kills me.
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Achieving so much that others wonder how I do it.
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What is your relationship with rest?
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I want to rest, but guilt always joins in.
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I’ll rest when it’s perfect.
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Planned, timed, and logged in my habit tracker.
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Rest is for mortals.
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What’s rest?
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On what are you most likely to procrastinate?
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Pausing, because I might lose momentum.
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Nothing. I’m always doing *something.*
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Starting, because it won’t be perfect.
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Delegating, because it won’t be done my way.
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Everything. Procrastination is my middle name.
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Your inbox is:
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A digital jungle I’ve given up on.
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At zero, because I deleted everything and cried.
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Tamed by 73 folders and rules.
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My second home.
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Overflowing and slightly terrifying.
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What is your idea of “fun”?
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Squeezing in a “fun” activity during a work sprint.
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Finishing a task ahead of schedule (pure bliss).
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Reading productivity hacks at 2am.
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Remembering what fun used to feel like.
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Organising the spice rack alphabetically.
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If your inner critic had a name, what would it be?
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The Hustle Whisperer.
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Debbie Downer with a deadline.
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Captain Control.
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The Overcommitment Overlord.
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The Perfection Police.
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You are The Perfectionist Prodigy
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Hide DescriptionShow DescriptionYou set impossibly high standards, and then beat yourself up for not reaching them. You do brilliant work, but often at the cost of your own peace. Perfection is your prison. Your mission? Embrace progress, not perfection.
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%%CATEGORY_TOTAL_PERCENT%%
%%CATEGORY_TOTAL_NUMBER%%
[CATEGORY_TOTAL_PERCENT]
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[CATEGORY_TOTAL_NUMBER]
You are The Burnout Boss
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Hide DescriptionShow DescriptionYou’re productive to the point of pyromania; you burn the candle at both ends and still feel behind. You say “yes” like it’s a reflex. Your mission? Master the sacred art of saying “no” and reclaim your energy.
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You are The Strategic Striver
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Hide DescriptionShow DescriptionYou are highly organised, goal-oriented, and probably have three backup plans. You’re the one others rely on—but sometimes you forget to ask for help yourself. Your mission? Loosen your grip and allow space for rest and spontaneity.
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You are The Anxious Underachiever
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Hide DescriptionShow DescriptionYou *know* you have potential, but something always gets in the way, and it's usually self-doubt or procrastination. You beat yourself up for “not doing enough.” Your mission? Celebrate your wins and ditch the all-or-nothing mindset.
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Your Result Type is The High-Functioning Hustler
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Hide DescriptionShow DescriptionYou get a lot done. You make it look easy. But you secretly wonder if it’s all sustainable. You’re efficient, reliable, and constantly in motion. Your mission? Redefine achievement so it includes joy, not just output.
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